№17620[Reply]
Is there enlightenment for me? How do I find the truth/peace as a guy deteriorating over time in every front (mentally, physically, spiritually) whose genetic code is a tangled mess that can be traced to random ass neanderthals, jews, africans, european, asian, and everything else in this globe, I am not joking, my grandpa's father was a portuguese and his mother was an african, and my grandpa's father was son of a jew who was raised by a spanish family. I am literally the the most cursed person on this planet, my family diversity is so complex I literally have allergies to almost anything, oh weather is hot? Get some severe headaches, ah so it became cold? Then get inflammation in your nostril. Drank milk? Congrats you get DIARRHEA, ate pork? Prepare for intestinal inflammation. Do not get me started with a autoimmune chronic disease I got which means that for some reason my immune system thinks its time to go full civil war mode and absolutely destroy my stomach, or sometimes small intestines. I can not sleep for a full time, I wake up every 3 hours which means that If sleep at 00:00, I will wake up in the middle of the night then go sleep again. My strength comes purely from adrenaline and literal will to live, I am literally a skinny person and my weight does not match my strength, I am tired of hearing my medic saying "avoid lifting or running too much" because my capabilities dangerously does not translate to my body condition (body is weaker and unconditioned, yet the output somehow acts like I am some sort of gorilla), for your information it is so bad that gym people and joggers think I am on meth; no I am not on meth I am just genetically fucked up to the point I am literally do not know what is going on with me.
My past is messed up too, everyone is confused and history is too fragmented to have a glimpse of what the fuck happened. I literally have no idea why I am on this planet at all.