because of poor sleep and general tiredness, i fell asleep around mid day yesterday and had a dream. though i cant remember every detail, i can recall that i had this strange compulsion to cover my penis in duct tape. it was something i was completely resolute in doing, and i can vividly remember the image i had in that dream of me going through with the act, yet it didn't materialise into anything more than a thought. even though i was in a dream, i was too hesitant to do it despite how much i felt like i had to. i cant really remember much else, except that the house (my house) seemed to sort of merge in and out of tony soprano's house, probably because i was watching the sopranos on my phone before i fell asleep (gemmy show btw o algo).
<its made me sort of think about the dreams i have, and how theyre always uninteresting. that dream i just described is probably the most strange dream ive had in the past 2 months, if not longer. i rarely ever have nightmares, but i also seldom have good dreams either. if i can remember a dream, its almost always going to be me in some public place, usually back in school, being faced with some sort of mild-moderate fear or anxiety at the hands of my peers or faculty. another constant in my dreams, especially during times where im very diligent about abstinence, like lent or november, is me ejaculating. not masturbating, just busting. it came up in my dream two nights ago and it made me feel very shameful and anxious for the remainder of the time i was asleep, and, even after i had woken up, the feeling didnt go away.
<on that same topic, i think ive only had about 4 wet dreams in my entire life, which is really few and far between all things considered. i can only remember two clearly, and the third very vaguely. something consistent across all 3 of these dreams were that i was not having sex in them, but i was exposed to sexual stimuli. the most recent wet dream i had, which was over a year ago at this point, was shortly after i became "lucid". that was the only time i can recall of being "lucid" within the past few years, maybe in my entire life. when i realised that i was in a dream, i wanted to test how my brain would respond to a sexual scenario. i began to fly, and i kept flying over a dimension containing a sea of thousands of mattresses, with each mattress having one man and one woman engaging in intercourse on top of it. my POV was
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