>>85744 (OP)I feel the same. I've never been the main foundation of a friend group. I'm like an asteroid being passed from orbit to orbit around larger objects, always me moving to them and never them moving to me. I make an effort, people don't seem to hate me, but nobody bothers to reciprocate. I saw somewhere that people like talking about themselves. This advice was a trvke, its easy to start a conversation if you ask about their opinion or personal shit, but it feels like I, in my borderline autistic state, am better at socialising than other people, since they never seem to bother with me.
I luckily never cared much for what people thought of me. I don't have to attentionfag to feed my ego. However, I feel very little pride in myself in general, I feel like I'm just existing. My ego must have died a couple years ago.
I feel like I just barely exist. I'm about as consequential as a speck of dust. Outside of my family, nobody cares about me, if I died tomorrow my "friends" would be a bit sad for like a week tops and it would be more from the shock that somebody the same age as them died. I don't see how my condition will improve at all either, if anything it will get worse once I move out for uni, i feel like if i were to die there I wouldn't be noticed until my corpse started stinking badly enough for people in neighbouring rooms to notice.