/r9k/ - ROBOT9999

hey i posted some schizolarp last week, sorry if i seemed like a terror threat, i was just caught up in myself.
last post here, letting people know that im not going to bomb, kill, or rape anything because im not really that retarded irl.

before I begin this get your "OH GREAT HEAVEN HE'S A FAKECEL"s out before commenting … I am no longer an incel, and honestly due to my general ugliness and fatness I doubt most of you are truthfully lost
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<oh also warning for sexual content o algo
<you all sometimes seem to have a need for that to prevent major clitty leakage
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<you're going to see a lot of these
<I find it makes the text both easier to read and to write
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I still miss my ex really badly… I don't want her back at all
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Like the post title, I'm Indian, Female, 18, live in India
nobody here likes me, what about any of you?
I'm ugly and nobody who isn't Indian doesn't like me, and everybody who is Indian refuses to date me due to my family's status

I love Jews and I would love to be one as a goy, but I was born on a Sabbath, giving labors to my mother on a day of rest. I can't deal with this, I can't deal with the fact that my entire existence by itself goes against the strict law of the Torah… Why would Hashem allow this curse to fall upon me fml fml fml fml fml fml

What have (You) done this week to make yourself even a tiny bit happier?

I wanna killmyself, but not really, but maybe im starting to become suicidal as if im going down that fucking road of mental illness.
i see several roads in front of me and i can only identify one that is positive, which would require an EXTREME amount of discipline that im not sure i can undertake.
any other road i take is almost probable,
schoolshooter,
furfag,
schizo,
suicide,
fat fucking slob.
i think im already developing schizoaffective or something. FUCK FUCK FUCK>
yeah sorry.
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I've been having issues with sleep for some time now. My main issue is not being able to break the routine of bringing laptop to bed, and then proceed to do stuff on it until 3 or 4 am. Problem is that I feel pretty vividly awake during this time, in fact I like to study a lot during this period all kinds of stuff, both for work/college and personal. It feels like my brain is in its most focused state, I think because of the quietness and comfort of the night. I think it started during highschool when I'd study until late night to pass tests (it worked and I did well) and it just kinda stuck. But having shitty sleep takes a noticeable toll on me, both physically and mentally. I'd love to change but I don't know how, I've tried putting all the electronics away, which resulted in me staring at the ceiling for hours, I work out to get tired but I still can't fall asleep. I usually sleep for around 3 hours a day, and then 12 hours during weekends when I don't need to be anywhere.
<night breeze space
If (you) have/had similar problems, what worked and what didn't? Or maybe are you fine with things the way they are?
And anyone who has experience with pills, can you share whether they worked or not?

often times i feel incredibly guilty regarding my racism towards asians knowing i have asian pals who are for the most part completely unaware of my hatred towards their kind

How do anons find things to do and enjoy them?
I mean more active things like writing, rather than passive things like watching movies or even reading.

I can't motivate myself to do anything. Nor does anything seem to give me joy.
I want to enjoy programming and fiddling with my computer, but I can't find a reason to do so.
And anything creative like writing or drawing is not enjoyable either.

I think that I've begun to subconsciously internalize the idea that I'm subhuman from the way people have treated me. Throughout my life people have constantly mocked, bullied, and condescending me. I think they honestly didn't view me as human, just as an animal they can abuse how they like. Throughout most of middle and highschool people would consistently dedicate their time to mocking me, trying to get me in trouble, trying to scare me, and just generally taking advantage of me. I have memories of people who were supposed to be my friends literally constantly repeating my autistic mannerisms infront of me in order to mock me. I hated them and still do, if laws didn't exist I probably would've killed them. Even the people who were nicer to me like my family always treated me like an idiot who needed to be told everything. I remember having a conversation about college applications with them and my sister said that I should make sure to apply to multiple colleges because applying to a single one may mean I'm not accepted, as if I didn't understand basic logic. She in general always treated me like I was an idiot. She said I was too stupid for advanced algebra when I literally spent the entire day on my phone and still had a 95%+. The worst part is that I can't even blame people for it. I do act like a retard, I do have annoying mannerisms, I do sperg out at people. I can't even have a conversation with a person without constantly over analyzing every single aspect of it to see how much of an idiot I'm being.

Honestly I wonder how bad my psychology has been fucked up from all of this. I constantly go through severe bouts of hating myself and then adoring myself, which I think is some kind of coping mechanism. I'm an absolute coward socially and can't talk to people normally. Any time I have a conversation with a person I hate every second of it because I know how they view me. I've also noticed that I'm generally drawn to the concept of not being human in fiction. The idea of being viewed as an animal or tool who lives only for his purpose seems to interest me somehow. Like I seriously don't view myself as deserving anything more than slavery.

Being autistic is one of the worst things that can happen to a person. I honestly think that even if I could have kids I wouldn't, as a form of self eugenics. I would honestly support any program seeking to eliminate autism from the world population even if it involved forced sterilization. No one Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

My situation is just incredible
I'm just a regular heckin' bigot who hates all furfaggots, I want them dead, they're an abomination
Even cartoon furfags
However, it's different with Averi
for some reason i find averi cute and precious, although I DO NOT LUST FOR HER, very important
I only find her cute, like as a pet
Does this make me a furfaggot? i dont think so, since i dont feel this way with anything else
what do you think r9k wizards?

I feel like I don't need a girlfriend, I feel like I could live fine single for the rest of my life, sex is the last thing on my mind probably, I'm very used to staying alone for weeks or months, of course I socialize from time to time, I am a human after all and I love being with friends and family, but compared to the average person, I'm very antisocial, I hate arguments and I get quickly exhausted when I'm in a normal social situation, whether positive or negative.
The thought of dealing with foids though is kind of different, I 99% stay away from females, I feel uncomfortable when a girl is 4 meters away from me, the idea of having to deal with a female daily is exhausting, marrying, impregnating, getting kids, go through arguments, etc…
I've seen my parents, and many other couples, say that they wish they never married, so having social difficulties daily, and with a FEMALE will kill me mentally, I don't hate females, but they disturb me and make me nervous, I've heard shit from my mom, she had manipulated my father, who's dumb when it comes to money, into making good economic choices for the family, but that's a rare case, she herself told me that women are more evil than they seem, and told me stories about my aunts, I was shocked, they're almost like kikes, mom said to always be wary when dealing with females, and not to be a slave for them because that's what they want.
Am I just an average sharty member? An incel? Or I'm just a loner fag?

Sorry for wall of text.

I had a girlfriend, a female friend, not a fiance or whatever. Gonna refer to her as S.
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We have been friends for almost 6 years, yet I stopped talking to her almost a year ago. The reason why is because lately our friendship was carried only on me. I text her first, I decide when to come over, I decide when we go for a walk etc. She never takes initiative. So she kind of stopped talking to me way before than I did to her. I don't remember if it always was like that.
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We went to the same school, then I went to another one, since classmates were niggers. She stayed one more year, then went to other school, not my, though.
<spades
She found a 'friend' there.
Her friend was a girl(wowsies, right?). They mostly only met in school, not really chatting or hanging out or something. S told =EVERYTHING= about me. Should I mention that isn't hecking okay? Since that moment, I started to lose touch with her. Don't get me wrong, we continued being, but with another Cunt being along. This cunt was helping her by buying food after school, and even bought her shoes once. I tried to befriend this cunt to gain some money, but she is toooooo retarded and thinks of herself to much, despite being retarded fuckmeat with AIDs. Pretentions, I would say. Overall, bad influence.
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How do you guys make money?
I can always come up with ingenious ideas to make money but the execution is a pain in the ass.