R: 2 / I: 2A message to all slovenians
You will never be a real balkaner.
You have 0% turkish genes, you have never been unemployed for more than 3 months, you follow basic traffic rules.
You are a german twisted into a crude mockery of oriental savagery by internet memes.
All the criticism your country gets from the EU is two-faced and half hearted. Behind your back people see you as civilized. Your austrian and italian allies are proud of you, they really like the amazing cultural heritage you got from them.
EU officials are utterly delighted by your efficient, non-corrupt government and the lack of organized crime.
Hundreds of years of austrian and italian rule have allowed you to blend in as central european and progressive perfectly.
Your country even allows gay marriage.
You will never be lazy.
You wrench out a half hearted "jebem mu mater" every morning before you arrive to your job 20 minutes early, but deep inside you feel your joy for working slowly creeping up like the government debt and homicide rates of true balkan countries.
Eventually your will become slightly burnt out from that western corporate lifestyle.
Your boss will find you, heartbroken but relieved you finally had to take that 4 day summer vacation you had not taken in the last 3 years.
You will go to to a half-way affordable destination like montenegro or albania, and the tanned, curly haired locals at the beach will assume you are scandinavian because of your pasty white blonde complexion and you passing out from every bite of food that has a minimal amount of spices and flavour.
You will live a long and peaceful life thanks to public healthcare and education.
And after your death, your family will mourn you and you will be remembered as an upstanding man and hard worker.
You will end up in a graveyard in ljubjana in a grave full of flowers that your loved ones left there for you, as opposed to being thrown into a mass grave after every sellable organ is removed from your body like true balkaners are traditionally buried. Everyone will know a great, honest, hardworking man lays there.
This is your fate. This is what you are. There is no turning back.