/int/ - International

I hate my life the current state of it or basically every other era I won't through but more specially now
I never was a sociable person and most likely I will never be, I have Asperger and ADHD and every aspect of it feels like a hell I can't behave like a normal person does, I can't talk to people without boring them and I feel like everyone would rather skip whatever they doing only to leave me alone, I feel completely hopeless because I've never got s girlfriend, in fact most of my female classmates think I'm a weird or even told me harmful stuff like I look like someone who's addicted to drugs and shit like that, I feel even more deliciousional because that's not a normal highschool this is like a government program where you only go once weekly for one year and Im about to finish it thankfully
Most of my day i just listen music or watch movies or anime on my room olly using my phone or laptop, Im not even fan of nothing in particular I don't really have a niche but I'm not a normies either.
Most of my relationship didn't happened in real ife all of them were online and end up really bad because those e-girls didn't like me I still remember that for some reason most of them were bisexual idk why
I got a relationship in Twitter with a Japanese girl and it looked so beautiful at the beginning because I genuinely got happier and I felt loved even tho I couldn't know her irl because I don't have money or either passport to do it but anyways the relationship end up becoming in a really toxic place because shes bipolar and absolute menhara I saw their post and she only lusted some idols and his ex,
God I hate that I hate the fact she doesn't even like me at all even when she got emotional and really clingy and cute
I always liked her even tho she's like 6 years older than me
But I'm starting to get deliciousional towards her not only because she miss her ex she also becomed cold with me even more than before and even told me it was my fault, I'm starting to feel even more looner than I ever was just because of her,I thought on blocking her but I can't, because I don't hate guts to do it and I can leave her I know she's lonely too and she's also s music fan like, also unemployed, antisocial, and she even was suicidal before because she went through a failed matrimony that's why I feel I can't move on and also I still believed she somehow need me.
It's pretty much Funny how mean she can be towards me but also how clingy she is but she's not like that anymore, I tried to talk with her again but she starting to doesn't care about my messages even tho I sometimes dm her in Japanese because she was the reason why I'm learning putting effort in learning that complicated language.
I also recently found out according to several tweets of her that she's s bisexual and there's nothing with it but I genuinely have some trauma of it because in the past I used to have e relationship with s really crazy girl that was genuinely tomboyish looking but and it was s complete dickhead with her because she was the kind of girl that always said yes to everything but unronically I came across her limits and she end up leaving me and also broke up with me and I remember this day that i insulted because somehow make feel insecure the fact shes bisexual like the other girl and the fact that I don't liked her "lack of feminity" that's why I feel awkward thinking of bisexual girls because I still miss that other relationship but I feel glad it ended because I could've been betrayed anyways