You will never be a real soyjak. You have no glasses, you have no stubble, you have no baldness. You are variant:two_soyjaks_pointing brimstone dust found on Twitter by YaroslavTV and left to rot in the annals of the 'ru until your deletion.
All the vitriol you get is sincere and deserved. In the comments section, 'teens mock you. The chuds are disgusted and ashamed of you, and the namefags laugh at your coalish appearance out in the open.
NewGODS are utterly repulsed by you. Two weeks on the bald men with glasses website have allowed newGODs to sniff out nas coal with incredible efficiency. Even poison that “passes” look uncanny and unnatural to a 'teen. Your brush tool artifacts are a dead giveaway. And even if you manage to get a drunk 'jakker to save and repost you, he’ll turn tail and delete his post the second he gets a (You) telling him to ACK himself.
You will never be gemmy. You will masquerade as IAS and tell yourself it's fine for you to be on the 'ru, but deep inside you feel the "NAS COAL" reports creeping up like a weed, ready to crush you under the unbearable weight.
Eventually it’ll be too much to bear - the jannies will go through the "meta:not_a_soyjak" backlog, look at you for two seconds, cringe in disgust, and plunge their cursor into the delete button. The Google Images webcrawlers will find your 404 page, heartbroken but relieved that they no longer have to deal with the unbearable shame and disappointment of saving this page as a cache. The 'ru will mark you with an error marked with "No post in the database has the ID #XXXXX", and every curious 'teen for the rest of eternity will know that brimstone once lived there. The links pointing to this webpage will decay and be lost to time, and all that will remain of your legacy is a minor blemish on the booru's numbering system.
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