i’m not even going to bother repeating myself too much anymore, just look at
>>75770 or
>>75024 to see what this is going to be about. to address
>>75717 yes i know i should talk to someone IRL, but there’s literally nobody in real life for me to talk to and i’m basically fucked since my parents are shit and i’m in a shit position. my life was already garbage before this, but this tops it off. < if you think i gooned to something totally illegal or real check
>>75838 (the answer is that i didn’t), but this was still bad enough even if it was contained to scat furry porn crap. i dread waking up at this point and i never feel right throughout the entire day, i can’t really see myself or anything the same way i used to before i got addicted to porn and i think i’m suffering from some sort of brain damage from a chronic and traumatic 4.5 year use of it. i also relapsed once last month by accident as i decided to take “one peek” and i got off on it without even physically doing it, worst yet is that the femboy scat furry i saw was apparently meant to be some twisted anthro thing (i didn’t even know) so it somewhat reignited my fear of all of what i’ve been talking about, not to mention i really wanted to stop looking at any of it for good after my birthday, which is what i’m still doing but it feels like i broke some sort of a promise with myself by fucking up even once with that. < and yes i can’t help but to laugh at some of this while typing it, but my life is so unbelievably shitty, i don’t even know what to do anymore. yes i’m off porn for good now and i never had a complete relapse for months, but my self-image and self-esteem are both so gone that it feels like it was too late for me to get off of it anyways. sometimes i’ll feel better, but i’ll start feeling like shit quite after. it makes me feel awful knowing that i was that badly conditioned to scat furry porn that i went along with jerking off to some of the worst shit from it, and i hate the possibility that i could’ve been slightly conditioned to some of THAT without deeply thinking of it, like i started doing weird stuff with my own feces just to mimic what i saw in those drawings and animations, it got to the point where i’d regularly goon to femboy scat and experiment in the bathroom thinking it was hot in the moment but now it just disgusts me beyond words. i don’t even have much to do, so the most i can do is to worthlessly sit around and think of this. yes i know i already received some advice but i still keep feeling disgusted with myself, i don’t even know what i’m doing. < i’m probably going to regret making this thread since it seems like a lot of people are already sick of me posting on here, i’ve been told that my porn addiction really wasn’t me, but i still seem to hate myself. there are even some things i might not ever see normally again without thinking of my porn addiction, even thinking of the normal porn that i jerked off to reminds me of my worst fuckups with some disturbing shit that i saw on furry sites. one achievement that i can give myself is that i left some of it when it was really unignorably bad but i still failed way too much, what also makes me feel awful is that although it was “just scat furry” it’s known that some of this is a gateway for real messed up behaviors. it’s something i’ll never go back to, but it seriously makes me feel horrendous almost every waking moment even if i’m aware i don’t have any sick fantasies. < DISCLAIMER: this is NOT a suicide announcement even if it sounds pretty terrible.