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File: 1761751890699q.png 📥︎ (342.92 KB, 600x655) ImgOps

 №75548[Quote]

honestly there's a chance that nobody is going to take this seriously at all, but i'm posting it anyways.
it's likely that i'm really mentally ill, i mean my mind hasn't given me an actual break for months about my fuck ups i made with my porn addiction (related to hentai). i should probably be visiting some mental health professional or talking to a friend but here i am, but for anyone taking a serious look at this thread would you really say that it's only some pOCD related worry at this point?
<
i was told that it is and that i should stay off here but it feels like i can't give my mind enough evidence for it to not shred me apart,
i don't even have anyone IRL to talk to about this at the moment too unfortunately and i don't know how to open up yet so it makes it harder to get over.
just to make avoid making this a gigantic text wall, you can read >>75024 and go from there on my ID in that thread to see what my worries are about.
<
i seem to be obsessed with investigating myself for my past actions a lot.
even if i have NO attraction to any of that shit in hindsight, considering it just seemed to be a bunch of mistakes i made during my porn addiction.
<
also just so you don't confuse me for the other guy, i'm like one of the two people on here with this same exact problem geg.
i type with lowercase while he seems to type with capitals more often
<EMBARRASSING INFORMATION BECAUSE I'M RETARDED AS FUCK
i have been fantasizing more often about being with a cute and loving gf out of the stress i've been having,
i'm putting that piece of information out there to let you know my fantasies do NOT involve fucked up shit like kids or anything like that.
so what goes on in my mind sexually is pretty normal, aside from my obsessive worrying about what i used to jerk off to. (had a bit of a chuckle typing this)

 №75564[Quote]

try getting with a BBW

 №75566[Quote]

>>75548 (OP)
pray and ask for forgiveness, if you're good enough to acknowledge you've done wrong god can forgive you.

its water under the bridge if you never do it again.

 №75568[Quote]

>>75566
i'll try it, and i know for a fact i'll never do it again because thinking back to it only horrifies me than arouses me, i think it just happened out of a rush and severe addiction combined with conditioning at the time throughout those years. ty for taking your time to reply
>>75564
geg

 №75601[Quote]

I'm the other guy and i'm still here. I have pretty much recovered from some of my problems and i feel better rn but the regret still kills me alot

 №75617[Quote]

>>75601
yeah it can be tough to get over, i made another post on this on /quit/ >>75610
i honestly have to try to stop caring about it

 №75646[Quote]

>>75617
bump
my mind seems to present me with a lot of worries about it, like i'll occasionally think "but what if" that and "what if" this
though really it shouldn't be an actual worry when i've stopped and have no actual desire to go back to any of that
maybe i need to stop being stupid

 №75707[Quote]

second bump
i still have some slight issues with worrying about it, mostly with i posted about in >>75621 and the post above that one
yeah i know it's really dumb

 №75711[Quote]

>>75566
I'm not OP but i do this and the stuff i did is stuck in my head way too much even if my mental problems are usually getting better

 №75717[Quote]

SHUT UP STOP CLOGGING UP THE BOARD. the consensus is that you’re mentally ill and overreacting and need to get the fuck offline because it’s making you worse. it’s making you worry abt shit that no one irl would care about. you’re digging yourself a grave. get the fuck offline someone needs to knock some sense into you, this is getting old and annoying. get offline, talk to someone else, we know you’re not a ‘p lover, you know that you’re not a ‘p lover so there is NO reason to keep dwelling on this. your threads are stale and have run their course. so many of us have reassured you and given you advice and none of it sticks. you are obsessed, you are attention seeking.

 №75718[Quote]

>>75717
it's pretty bad and i understand your reaction, sorry for irritating you this much geg. i have to take a break off of the internet generally
i think what makes it sort of worse is that i'm kind of isolated ATM, so it's making me focus way more on dumb shit when i shouldn't be. ty (seriously) for snapping me out of this considering i was looping over it again

 №75722[Quote]

i'm going to stop posting about it (for real) now, but my fault for being such an autist.
i've had other stupid obsessions and worries like this when i was a kid and it's caused situations similar to this one, but really i get your frustration
i can honestly respect that you've put up with my shit this much and took the time to even look at one of my threads again
it's obvious i'm a mentally ill (and maybe sort of autistic) fuck and i need to get myself together

 №75733[Quote]

>>75717
i hate to be an idiot and post again, but i guess i have to say that OCD can be pretty scary.
like it feels as if you're actually being threatened and your mind constantly analyzes and repeats the same things. that's what caused me to clog the board up so much, it presents a lot of questions that you feel forced to answer but at the same time even when you know it could be OCD, you're not exactly confident if it is.

i guess my last worry surrounding it is the consumption of that tranime 'p material feeling less of a mistake because of how decently high it could've been even if it was a minority in comparison to everything else i looked at, i did categorize it as a "few mistakes" in my post on /quit/ but it honestly felt like a handful in some way during my entire addiction period. i guess it doesn't really change that they were mistakes i made during that whole addiction though, right? genuinely sorry for being a pest

 №75736[Quote]

>>75733
>but it honestly felt like a handful
but it honestly felt like more than a few*
needed to better word this to get the point of it across.
anyways as i said, sorry
if you feel like replying to this one more time, it's up to you

 №75739[Quote]

>>75733
Being aware that you are not a pedophile and triying to forget it can help however i get how much the regret sucks even if mine is worse

 №75740[Quote]

>>75739
yeah the regret can suck, my mind asks for a lot out of me. while you're not tlOpkleP (who i really respect for having the energy to put up with me) i appreciate your reply. thanks

 №75770[Quote]

SUDDEN TEXT WALL
what unjokingly helps is having someone tell me how irrational my fears are,
i'm going to make sure to stop making threads after this one (i know that i've probably said something like this before)
but can someone just tell me (one more time) how crazy this is? it's taking quite a while for my brain to fully register it, while i'm feeling healthier my mind is still sort of going back on the quantity of that tranime 'p i must've gooned to, like i think i had a multitude of sessions while not thinking about it of at least SOME of it as i said in >>75733 throughout these past 4.5 years (having been from 16 to 20 years old when i was doing it before stopping a couple of months ago this year at 21).

sure at least it wasn't ALL of what i looked at and it was hardly anything in comparison to how much i looked at the normal shit (which shows i didn't view tranime 'p alone and that i was conditioned to tranime porn itself) but that's an intrusive thought that continues to slightly agitate me

i know that it's SO fucking retarded and that i'm an attention whore, but having someone else to tell me how dumb it is (at least one more time) can help me get over it faster
like it's great having someone else not with a diseased mind tell me how it is, and i really like how blunt especially tlOpkleP was. it's sort of therapeutic tbh
i'm going to stop seeking any reassurance at all after this though (promise). i'm also aware of how schizophrenic it looks that most of the posts in this thread are mine
but it's crazy having trust issues with yourself and for anyone that isn't aware of how OCD works, i guess now you have a clue by reading through my posts
maybe posting all of my intrusive thoughts out loud will help me get over this, idk.

 №75775[Quote]

>>75770
last bump
as i've been saying, i really like to note that the cartoon/tranime 'p was the LEAST of my sessions during my bad addiction (setting me apart from whoever gooned to it 100% of the time) and i'm trying my hardest to get over such an irrational and stupid worry.
i REALLY apologize for all of this, but if i wanted to ask something about this one more time, it would be this request for someone to confirm how stupid all of these worries (in exact detail) are

 №75783[Quote]

>>75770
>>75775
Probably too late but i would have a much easier time with coping with what you did because my actions are just feel sick to an incomprehensible level even though wasn't watching 'p or did anything illegal. I believe discussing these sins isn't worth it no matter what though even if the majority of the people on this board don't share my beliefs anyways

 №75785[Quote]

>>75783
you're not late actually, i ACTUALLY really do understand what you mean and it can be hell to go through.
ik it may sound hard for you to believe but i doubt your actions were THAT bad, but it's actually insane how we are punishing ourselves more than real pedophiles would if they've raped any real kids. this shit is so fucked up and i seriously wish i had better self control

 №75787[Quote]

>>75785
>doubt your actions were THAT bad, but it's actually insane how we are punishing ourselves

It's not any worse than any of the stories i read online from other people admitting to their errors and seeking change but it sucks in a different level doe

 №75790[Quote]

>>75770
>i think i had a multitude of sessions while not thinking about it of at least SOME of it
i just realized that this didn't even really sound right, but i can't even type that comprehensibly at the moment probably due to how stressed i still am. anyways i meant to say "i think i had a multitude of sessions of tranime 'p while not thinking about it" for that part. it sort of even worries me if i don't detail what i mean good enough because i really want to be understood
<
just to clear that up for anyone seeing my posts. once again if anyone can do me a favor i would like if some of my exact worries were examined, i SHOULD know that it's such a retarded thing to worry about but my mind legitimately won't stop thinking of it
>>75787
>but it sucks in a different level doe
i honestly get what you mean tbh, it feels much more personal

 №75802[Quote]

>>75790
>>75770
it seems like i want to be told (once again) to move on despite all of my failures, but at the same time this feels like pointless reassurance seeking.
i hate that i can't trust myself because of how fucked up my brain is but it is obvious i need help

 №75817[Quote]

>also just so you don't confuse me for the other guy, i'm like one of the two people on here with this same exact problem geg.
Damn, make that three. I struggle with this too (though ive never voiced it here), it got so bad around a year ago that i went through basically the 7 stages of grief and grim acceptance that im like this now. That ive become this completely broken monster. I had ruled out pOCD because i thought it was a dumb excuse, but i never considered it an actual possibility, which only made it worse because that meant i had ZERO hope for me.
<
'teen, i dont know much about this, its confusing and scary. But what i do know is God's mercy and love for us is infinite and endures forever. He loves us more than we ourselves know how to love.
<
"Your sin is like a hot coal, it has the opportunity to set your house on fire and potentially destroy an entire village. God's love is the vast ocean. When you throw that hot coal into the sea, it gets immediately extinguished. This is how vast God's love and mercy is for you."
There is no sin he cant forgive, no soul He cant save. God doesnt delight in the death of a sinner, but that he turn from his evil ways and recieve life.
>>75802
Same.

 №75818[Quote]

>>75817
it certainly can be scary, though i can at least be pretty confident that i don't have any fucked up fantasies as i said in my main post.
i just find myself worried at the sort of tranime porn i fucked up with before even if i know it doesn't exactly define you
though i can at least say it was out of a conditioning for what i normally looked at, of course i'm sort of worried about the quantities of it that i could've seen but i can still safely say it was really the minority
i also appreciate the post as that is quite inspiring to hear and i appreciate that you took your time to write it, thank you

 №75834[Quote]

>>75790
>i honestly get what you mean tbh, it feels much more personal

It's a completley different level of sickness and i'm obviously not into it was all caused by an OCD. I would feel less worse if I did every single thing people on this board. I tried to cope with it now by simply taking measures to forget it. However i often realize how disgusting this and i just got extremly angry at it

 №75835[Quote]

>>75817
I agree with almost everything here. Although it obviously sucks to fear what other people might think of me particularly in a hostile environment but i gotta have to life with it ig

 №75836[Quote]

File: soybuddy.png 📥︎ (922.18 KB, 1024x863) ImgOps

>>75548 (OP)
OP your mental illness is that you're mentally retarded. You're going insane because you used to goon to hentai? If that's your biggest problem, you should just forgive yourself. I mean what "fuck ups" are we talking about here? Gooned to 'p? Got groomed on der 'cord?

Congrats for quitting o algo btw just stop being retarded it's that simple just decide to stop being mentally ill chudcel

 №75838[Quote]

>>75836
i mean you're technically not wrong, but i had possibly plenty of run-ins with tranime 'p (separate isolated sessions throughout a couple of years) while not really thinking much into it when i engaged with it. see >>75770
like i didn't legitimately think of it being children when it happened, (and most of my sessions didn't consist of it anyway).
but it's still sort of gross thinking back to how much i fucked up with some of that
i also have obsessive-compulsive disorder which makes me nonsensically doubt myself on things a lot
if i gooned to real 'p i wouldn't even be alive to post any of this considering how much i stressed out over this (not a suicide announcement, it's just a point)

 №75839[Quote]

>>75838
Did you self-diagnose OCD or did some jew doctor tell you that you have it? You can just not be OCD anymore, you just choose to stop doing that because it's stupid and gay

 №75840[Quote]

>>75839
not self-diagnosed OCD, i've had a lot of crazy occurrences with it throughout my life with shit like having to move my chair constantly into a proper position or align it in a certain way. i was told by a bunch of people in my life that i have it
i do like your approach to this even if you called me mentally retarded doe, it's making me take this less seriously and i have been starting to get over it.
>you just choose to stop doing that because it's stupid and gay
good point but i could be autistic or brain damaged, so i can't cut it out immediately

 №75841[Quote]

>>75840
I call you mentally retarded with love to help you

Don't let any more jew doctors tell you you have [life-long invisible disability they straight made up a couple decades ago to confuse the goyim]. Just because you like to adjust your chair so it's just right doesn't mean you're heckin insane. That's a normal thing that normal people sometimes do

 №75842[Quote]

>>75841
>I call you mentally retarded with love to help you
TY man, i have a lot of respect for that
that's also likely true tbh, they make up so many of these mental disorders that it's not even funny. i have to agree with a lot of what you're saying

 №75843[Quote]

>>75842
You'll be alright chud you a good keed

 №75844[Quote]

>>75843
yeah i'll keep trying to improve myself, as i said TY
it's good being able to see how simply stupid i was

 №75845[Quote]

File: NonCompromisedPepe.png 📥︎ (181.59 KB, 720x651) ImgOps

>Gooned to 'p? Got groomed on der 'cord?

I never gooned to or watched real 'p but if you ever knew

 №75850[Quote]

>>75845
how bad could it have been? i mean sometimes a porn addiction can make you ignore the worst parts of something, it happened to me with the tranime 'p specifically because i was really conditioned to hentai on its own
i remember somewhat thinking it was off, but i wasn't able to fully process how fucked up it was until recently thinking back to it
at least i'm finally getting over it, so i'm sure you can also get over what you gooned to

 №75856[Quote]

>>75850
i still feel kind of guilty knowing that i proceeded with gooning to it even though i had a slight feeling that something was off each time i engaged with it, but it's not nearly as bad on me as before and it's good being able to process all of it now

not sure if MJe5eqLr is still here, but you've helped me really start actually moving past this
i said TY like two times already but i have to thank you again, the stress from this was causing me so many issues because of how much i was overthinking it, like i really wasn't be able to move on with my day because of how bad it was

 №75858[Quote]

>>75856
Yw chud, It makes me happy you are feeling more optimistic

 №75860[Quote]

>>75850
It wasn't gooning i looked something up because my OCD started to become extremely messed up. It wasn't 'p but it's imagineable what it may have been i could give a few more hints but i don't have the balls for this tbh. It's so disgusting to me that i can barley think of anything else that would make me lose my sanity that much unless i searched and downloaded real 'p on purpose


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