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File: 1765219835435k.png 📥︎ (6.75 MB, 4160x3120) ImgOps

 â„–76332[Quote]

i'm not even going to bother repeating myself too much anymore, just look at >>75770 or >>75024 to see what this is going to be about.
to address >>75717 yes i know i should talk to someone IRL, but there's literally nobody in real life for me to talk to and i'm basically fucked since my parents are shit and i'm in a shit position.
my life was already garbage before this, but this tops it off.
<
if you think i gooned to something totally illegal or real check >>75838 (the answer is that i didn't), but this was still bad enough even if it was contained to hentai/rule 34 crap.
i dread waking up at this point and i never feel right throughout the entire day, i can't really see myself or anything the same way i used to before i got addicted to porn and i think i'm suffering from some sort of brain damage from a chronic and traumatic 4.5 year use of it. i also relapsed once last month by accident as i decided to take "one peak" and i got off on it without even physically doing it, worst yet is that the tranime character i saw was apparently meant to be teenaged (i didn't even know) so it somewhat reignited my fear of all of what i've been talking about, not to mention i really wanted to stop looking at any of it for good after my birthday, which is what i'm still doing but it feels like i broke some sort of a promise with myself by fucking up even once with that.
<
and yes i can't help but to laugh at some of this while typing it, but my life is so unbelievably shitty, i don't even know what to do anymore. yes i'm off porn for good now and i never had a complete relapse for months, but my self-image and self-esteem are both so gone that it feels like it was too late for me to get off of it anyways. sometimes i'll feel better, but i'll start feeling like shit quite after. it makes me feel awful knowing that i was that badly conditioned to hentai that i went along with jerking off to some of the worst shit from it, and i hate the possibility that i could've been slightly conditioned to some of THAT without deeply thinking of it.
i don't even have much to do, so the most i can do is to worthlessly sit around and think of this. yes i know i already received some advice but i still keep feeling disgusted with myself, i don't even know what i'm doing.
<
i'm probably going to regret making this thread since it seems like a lot of people are already sick of me posting on here, i've been told that my porn addiction really wasn't me, but i still seem to hate myself.
there are even some things i might not ever see normally again without thinking of my porn addiction, even thinking of the normal porn that i jerked off to reminds me of my worst fuckups with some disturbing shit that i saw on hentai sites.
one achievement that i can give myself is that i left some of it when it was really unignorably bad but i still failed way too much, what also makes me feel awful is that although it was "just hentai" it's known that some of this is a gateway for real pedoniggers. it's something i'll never go back to, but it seriously makes me feel horrendous almost every waking moment even if i'm aware i don't have any sick fantasies.
<
DISCLAIMER: this is NOT a suicide announcement even if it sounds pretty terrible.
>everything said here is true and if i lied it would make me feel worse, i also didn't even feel like finding a proper thumbnail so have a blank image
<i'm also aware that it looks like i'm just being some faggy attention whore, but i'm honestly exhausted and sickened

 â„–76395[Quote]

i'm not even joking about how awful it is to remember any of that.
my porn addiction also took up most of my pastime for most of those years, this shit feels like a irreversible blow and i don't have anyone at all to go to.
i don't even know if i actually have pOCD, because it feels like i have a lot to blame myself for.

 â„–76406[Quote]

>>76332 (OP)
nigga damn just move on. you already owned up to your mistakes; what else are we supposed to say? dont do it again.

 â„–76407[Quote]

>>76406
yeah my fault geg, it's obvious that i'm being a mentally ill retard and i can admit to that.
i suppose being left in my own mind makes this harder occasionally, so i think of it more.
i'll stop moaning about it though

 â„–76409[Quote]

>>76332 (OP)
Talk to a therapist

 â„–76417[Quote]

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eat meat, milk and fruit* / honey
preferably raw

 â„–76418[Quote]

>>76409
i'll see about doing it eventually
>>76417
very interesting information, thank you
going to keep this in mind

 â„–76420[Quote]

one thing i'm sort of worried about is how "unforgivable" it could've been, since that lasted quite a few years going from when i was 16 to finally stopping at 21 as i said. it's a tiny bit unsettling thinking of how much i could've gooned to the most horrible content as i was going blindly and ignorantly into it for a while (the teenaged tranime characters/the lolipedoshit or comparable), though i guess it's somewhat comforting knowing that it wasn't all of what i looked at, the addiction started with pretty normal content and mainly consisted of that. i guess another step for me to take is to probably stop thinking into it so much and start trying to actually get healthy, i guess i'll leave this post off as an update on what i think of it now.

 â„–76431[Quote]

nigga for the last time shut the fuck up and get off this board. threads you’ve made have run their course, times up. talk to a therapist. i hope jannies ban you on here so you shut up once and for all

 â„–76433[Quote]

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>>76431
i know that i need to stop posting on here, i guess it really is just pOCD since it can get meta going off of this. i'll get off and see about doing something else until i can get actual help for it

 â„–76450[Quote]

>>76417
do you know how to reverse the effects of this?

 â„–76451[Quote]

>>76332 (OP)
nigger. just stop gooning.
<
repent in some way if you really have to so you stop being a bitch and posting about it on this board 24/7 instead of doing something

 â„–76484[Quote]

>>76451
i did stop gooning, i'm just having some difficulties moving on from the mistakes i made with it.
you have a point though, i intend to stop posting about it after this thread, i have to quit being retarded and realize they were mistakes i won't repeat

 â„–76491[Quote]

>>76486
i can't say i'm schizophrenic, but neurotic is accurate

 â„–76494[Quote]

at this point i have to see that i'm being a stupid nigger.
since it wasn't ever real 'p or the dnb, i get that it wasn't anything too irredeemable
if you want a short explanation of what my posts are about, read >>76420

 â„–76497[Quote]

my actual apologies for how schizophrenic my threads seem doe,
i get all of your complaints and i'm done posting about this. which is why i'm going to be saging this thread from now on

 â„–76579[Quote]

I'm the one with the worse problem and i wanna say how much Nofap is helping me. Although the OCD kinda persist it's less severe

 â„–76580[Quote]

Why dont you just move on and forget about your past? Who cares if you were caught in the coomer trap when your were vulnerable?

 â„–76586[Quote]

>>76580
i've been doing better today and i also feel less deranged, so i guess that's happening
>>76579
it certainly improves you

 â„–76635[Quote]

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>>76586
I find it crazy that you are crucifying yourself over what you find attractive like you chose to be attracted to such shit. From what I read, its just the result of loneliness + easy porn access at a young age which ultimately stunted your brain development, so you latched onto that smut for way too long. If you want to clear your mind of this sort of stuff, the antidote is really fucking simple. You need to socialise, better so with the opposite sex.

This endless cycle of Drowing in fantasy > Coom > Realization of impossibility of said fantasy → Sadness, is literally just porn addiction, never mind if it were over loli, or whatever else.

>So what, a freak like me has to somehow stop cooming forever and find a group of people to talk to??
Unrealistic, obviously. Keep the idea that you need to socialise at the back of your head, and talk (or try to) whenever you have the oppurtunity. Im sure theres some cool annual events in where you live, go to those, I know its normie shit, but even bars are good for socialising ( you dont need to drink or be a degen like everyone else, just TALK ).

Cooming? Shit nigger! It's a natural need, if you really cant focus and hold it off, just sit on your toilet and get it over with, dont let it get in your way, dont let it consume days of your life.

 â„–76652[Quote]

>>76635
i hear you and i agree that i need more social interaction, i'll take your advice into consideration and i'll see about trying to get outside more often.
<
additionally to clear things up, i don't even have an actual attraction to loli or any of the similar tranime 'p i saw.
it was more like i was really conditioned to hentai itself, which caused me to get careless with what i gooned to in some instances during my addiction which lasted up to this year.
basically, i didn't even look up any specific tags of it as i only stumbled across it on hentai sites and i also screwed up with some characters i wasn't being careful with. recalling it only gives me a nauseating feel rather than an aroused one.
<
maybe acknowledging that shows my scenario isn't as bad as i think it is? i'm not sure

 â„–76661[Quote]

>>76652
This is just confirming to me that you are a victim of porn addiction, and you're making way too big of a deal out of it. Just move on. Its never good for anyone to be tangled in their past.

Also, if ever you feel like you're going to fall back, try to get the mindset that youre too good for this sort of smut. Just think, what you're about to do isn't worth it, its retarded. Me personally, the stuff I looked at as a teen doesnt work on me anymore because its just immature and shit, so growing up is also part of it.

So yeh. Stop obsessing over it. Stop wearing your shame and be the person you want to be.

 â„–76702[Quote]

>>76661
many thanks, i really needed to hear this. i honestly couldn't stop over-complicating it.
<
even though i had some weird mistakes i can name (like being reckless with the teenaged characters i knew about while i was well over 18, or wrongly interpreting even younger ones as being older), i can see it was out of how strongly addicted i was.
i officially stopped my addiction a month ago, so suddenly remembering everything was overwhelming, not to mention the certain plots i saw in that content were really fucked up.
but i did my best to ignore the most unsettling and questionable parts of all of it, i did have slight desensitization to some strange shit like the high-school uniforms you typically see in tranime and some gay crap, although i shook that off and i never exclusively engaged in that stuff.
<
this is a long reply from me, though i'm wrapping this up and i deeply appreciate that you took the time to give me your advice. it's time for me to stop seeking a lot of reassurance as i don't really need it anymore, one of the reasons of what caused my thread spamming was that my mind was on repeat about it and i wanted to be as honest as possible, i wasn't sure if i included enough information in my other posts.
<
the idea that i was possibly conditioned into being an actual pedo was scary, but now i can leave it off especially understanding that i didn't and still don't have any real pedophilic urges. a poster on here tried telling me that before, but it just didn't happen to click for me. ty

 â„–76703[Quote]

>>76702
>but i did my best to ignore the most unsettling and questionable parts of all of it
for context, it was a stupid form of "ethical" gooning that wasn't the best idea. obviously it caused some trauma in the long-run and the best decision would've been to avoid it entirely, though i'm definitely looking forward to moving on from it. guess i'm done here

 â„–76721[Quote]

>>76702
>not to mention the certain plots i saw in that content were really fucked up.
i'm gonna post one more time about this actually, some of it was even legitimately really gay and horrifying shit. it makes you wonder what goes on in the minds of who even writes any of that up or draws it, tbh it's no wonder why i was consistently freaked out for weeks after recalling it. anyways thanks E!lwJLxy, hopefully i'll get to forget about all of that in the future
since i don't want to flood this thread with my own replies, this should be my last post

 â„–76819[Quote]

>>76721
>>76703
>>76702
i hate to bump this again after saying i would stop posting and seeking reassurance.
but even with this many mistakes, can i still be considered someone that was a victim of porn addiction? i just blame myself sometimes and i don't know if i'll ever recover who i was before that, there's almost no access to anything for me to get my mind off of it. i have a lot of unwanted mental associations because of it, it might have ruined the way i viewed some things like certain media and even the feeling of sitting down at my computer. not that it's such a big deal, but it makes the trauma from it worse.
to be honest i'm not going to bother getting a therapist either, i'm in no position to do so and i don't even want to speak to my parents. to say the least i hate my life

 â„–76874[Quote]

even though it's going to look schizo that this is my fifth post without any recent replies, there's a lot of shame and worrying i can't seem to entirely get over.
i'm probably going to give up on posting anything after this

 â„–76883[Quote]

>>76721
>>76703
>>76702
>>76819
>>76874
nahh bro 💀 when are you gonna accept that everyone is flawed (not just you) and stop holding yourself to unrealistic meme standards that only imageboard users care about
<reddit
if you go outside nobody gives a fuck what you goon to. Think about the average college chad who gets has sex with 16yo girls at parties and doesn't really give a fuck. He's out there having fun cause normie society allows it. Why are (You) beating yourself up over gooning to drawings?

Whenever I go on pornhub to goon I see that some of the most popular shit is things that the average sharty user would have an aneurism about (categories like teen, amateur, rape, incest etc). THAT's what the average normie watches btw. The average dude you see on the street probably jerks it to women roleplaying as teenage girls.

What I'm getting at is that most of the people on this website have much higher standards than the average person. So comparatively the things you did are not that bad

 â„–76884[Quote]

>>76883
dude tysm, i honestly needed to be smacked back into reality.
i'm going to give up my obsession with this stupid shit geg. i know some people here think some of their advice is being wasted on me but i have been taking everything you're all saying into consideration, it's just that i'm being retarded and i'm getting over it slowly. i'm going to go take a break from thinking about this for real now

 â„–76885[Quote]

>>76819
I heavily relate to the feeling of "do I even deserve to feel better". Not really with relation to porn but I did a lot of really fucked up things to a lot of people. I used to think I was some kind of sadist/sociopath and got kind of suicidal thinking about all the shit I did.

Truth is, I was just groomed into it by online culture. Just like you were groomed into porn. But back then I didn't really know that I thought I needed to die.

Here's something you need to know: "changing yourself" has 3 things involved
a) working through it intellectually (what you're doing right now, making all these posts)
b) changing your brain chemistry (literally, people think it's a meme but if you get good sleep, eat better, get some sunlight and physical activity you will unironically stop thinking about this)
c) giving it time

c) is what was most influential in my case. After I few years I kinda forgot about all the things I did and it honestly feels insignificant looking back

 â„–76886[Quote]

>>76885
i see, yeah i absolutely understand what you mean.
once again thank you for taking your time to give me your response. i'll keep striving to be better and i'll note this stuff down, maybe i'll also find something to distract myself with in the meantime

 â„–76889[Quote]

>>76884
>>76886
you're a good guy and it's honestly sad that everyone's just shitting on you without even hearing what you have to say. Yes, you are posting a lot but it's not just bait or low-effort slop it's a genuine cry for help
<reddit
Keep posting if you need to, I may not be able to respond right away but I'll try my best to give advice if you need it

 â„–76890[Quote]

>>76889
noted, i'll let you know if i have more to discuss, and yeah it has been rough. i'm gonna see about doing something else atm

 â„–77049[Quote]

I made a couple posts about this too and suddenly after 3 months or so i had the strong urge to goon to some pretty gross stuff again. While i didn't do it it's irrating how i couldn't get it out of my head

 â„–77098[Quote]

>>77049
honestly i have no urge to goon at all, remembering the drawn 'p i fucked up with during the time of my addiction (tranime/tranime-like rule 34 art) definitely keeps me from going back. what about doing the same with the stuff you gooned to?
<
also i'm posting again to show that i'm still active here, i don't feel as disgusted with myself as before, and i'm doing a little better in some ways.
if i were to ask for some more advice, i would like a few tips on how i could quit ruminating so often. that's something i honestly have a bit of a problem with

 â„–77105[Quote]

Just goon to women when you need not porn it makes a big difference. And if you cant get off to hot women without seeing them getting raped your deep in shit

 â„–77122[Quote]

Nigga you need to pay a visit to Dr. Soystein. You seem very neurotic and obsessive compulsive and given how mentally fucked up you are, meds that make you join the millions of medicated emotionless goycattle is a better reality than the niggerhell you are living in. No one here is going to be able to help you.

 â„–77257[Quote]

>>77098
>what about doing the same with the stuff you gooned to?

I do this but i got extremely disgusting thoughts from wich i had no control over after eating goyslop so ig i never gonna do that again. I didn't have the urge to actually goon but it makes me sick regardless.

>i don't feel as disgusted with myself as before, and i'm doing a little better in some ways.

My brain is partially going back to normal but i feel disgusted at myself because it's too sick to begin with.

 â„–77261[Quote]

>>77257
https://iocdf.org/expert-opinions/am-i-a-monster-an-overview-of-common-features-typical-course-shame-and-treatment-of-pedophilia-ocd-pocd/
Read this article, it's gonna make it a lot easier to deal with these thoughts once you know you have pOCD, how it works and how to fight it. I posted it on here yesterday but for some reason the thread with it got removed.

 â„–77280[Quote]

>>77261
i posted on that thread before it was deleted, like i said on there: thank you for reminding me of this.
i'm not doing too bad, even if i still have mild anxiety.
every now and then i'll question myself on what i did, but it's becoming something i can manage better.
<
also for an example of what sort of questions come to my mind

i'll think of how i should've known to stay away from some of the characters i mentioned, given i was familiar with a couple of them.
but i can see that i was really careless with what i gooned to back when i was going on those r34 and hentai sites, there was so much shit i saw as i said in my other posts.
(not just loli, but also fagshit with pedophilic implications and similar, which was still tranime)
<
knowing i'd never touch real 'p is something that helps a lot, and if thinking back to all of it disgusts me already, i take it i should be fine. i'll keep reading up on how pOCD works

 â„–77346[Quote]

just so anyone knows, >>77344 isn't my thread, that is a falseflag made by someone else


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