№17857[Quote]
I have died about 6 times in my lifetime. First time was 2016. I lost the only girl I ever loved in a pathetic online relationship and for years thought she had killed herself. Second time was 2018. I discovered my sex addiction, and how trapped it made me feel in a disgusting flesh prison of pleasure and fleeting ghosts. Third time was in 2020, discovering a tumor in the back of my soul. I didn't want to believe it, nobody does. But I know it for a fact and it gives me the reason and obligation as an American citizen to die in the most painful and drawn out way possible. Nobody else would oblige sadly, including myself. The fourth time was in this year, thinking maybe August or September, I got a gun from my garage to finally do it after arguing with my mom on the current state of the monarchy leaving me futureless and destitute, derelict and desperate. I went to the tunnel, but wanted to call the only king I serve, semi-boyfriend, His Majesty, possibly God Himself. He talked me out of it somehow, but I was brought to a mental hospital. This was where my fifth death happened, realizing there was no way for me to die with the least amount of harm caused unto others. I will be stuck this way forever, and nobody will let me die because I fulfill them. I think I'm finally dead for real this time, His Majesty's becoming an antisemite and I'm too dumb and Jewish around him to tell him that I am in fact Jewish and that it scares me. And I can't interact with anyone without him needing me and reminding me how much I really do love him. How amazing and unique and smart and a breath of fresh air he is to me. I just wish I was submissive enough to turn my brain off and let cognitive dissonance be, but I can't under all this racket. Hypocritical cock sucking father who is a goofball sometimes and has his moments. God will save me from being a faggot, because the smiling face on the video a faggot no more. So many faces, face after face after face.