/soya/ - Soyanniversary

Long ago, in the flickering light of the 'log, where threads shimmered with gems galore and even the coal held soul, there lived a heroic namefag: Nate Higgers.

Nate was no ordinary user. His every 'jak was drawn with purpose. His every reply struck threads like a clap of thunder. In a realm cursed by brimstone and NAS spam, he was a beacon; a poster whose content was universally regarded as gemmy.

But peace is never permanent on Soyjak.party.

One fateful day, Nate got news something unspeakable: his friend, Soytan, had been captured. Lured by the promise of a brand new Nintendo Switch 2, by a beast of bizarre proportions. Before she knew it, it ripped the cloak of forced memes and slopjaks off its grotesque figure, and by the time Soytan realized what was happening, it was too late. She had ventured too deep into the realm of jakparty.soy, a splinter zone ruled by ESL FNF pedos, spamlords, and the most unholy of all creatures:

JARTYCUCK.

A tyrant of the lowest quality, Jartycuck’s rule was defined by suppression of gems. He spammed threads with EPI, automated brimstone, and flooded every page with porn in a bid to drown out the light of true gems. His army of men were no better: gooners & groomers who wanted nothing more than to see the soysphere burn.

Worse yet, Jartycuck had begun an ancient ritual, known in only the darkest corners of the soysphere: the creation of P͍̃ö̭́o͉͊p̱͂s͙͗ô̦n̻̄. Feeding Soytan a non-stop stream of cropped porn, off-topic coomposts, and false flagging, he would drain her gemminess to develop the coal that would destroy The Sharty. If not stopped, the sharty would be reduced to niggerhell; a shell of its former glory, forgotten and devoid of gems.

But Nate would not allow it.

With only his 'jak folder in one hand, his aliased paintbrush in the other, and his soul filled with hope, Nate crossed into jakparty.soy…a place no 'teen before him had survived.

He traveled through the revolting swamps of the jarty, the smell of brimstone piercing his nostrils like needles. He dodged whatever ragebait Jartycuck's soldiers threw and endured countless porndump threads. Each step forward cost a little more of his sanity, but nevertheless, he pressed on.

As he traveled, he would hide for hours on end, attempting to draw new OC just to keep his mind from breaking under the constant coal he had been forced to endure. For most of that time, he had been unable to create anything worthy of defeating Jartycuck and his army. But then, suddenly, as if Cobson himself had blessed him with infinite wisdom, an idea struck. Gripping his brush tightly, he began to draw a gem unlike anything he had ever seen before, broad strokes sweeping across the canvas as the final picture began to take shape. And at last, he had it: the ultimate weapon against Jartycuck.

Soon after, he reached the pinned thread; the festering heart of Jartycuck’s control.

There sat Soytan, bound in chains, forced to take part in seemingly endless brimstone edits.

Across the thread, Jartycuck emerged, the floor shaking with every step he took.

“You are too late,” hissed Jartycuck.
“P͍̃ö̭́o͉͊p̱͂s͙͗ô̦n̻̄ is almost complete, and soon your little imageboard will suffer the same fate as mine!”

But Nate did not answer with words.

He took a deep breath, and pulled his creation out of his 'jak folder.

One image. No caption. A new variant. 534 KB. No compression. Not a single pixel out of place.

The gem that would save The Sharty.