/soy/ - Soyjaks

One day I was browsing/soy/ and someone posted dnb. I cried and shat my pants. The End

I have done many stupid things in my life, but this has to be the most stupid thing I have did. I have a friend who got me into smoking pot. We'd do it every weekend or so, nothing wrong with it. Last saturday, though, I go to his house and he's got this grin, looking super happy. I say whats up with you, and he says he got benadryls and salvia for us. He aparently got the salvia from some friend on discrod who got it from a chinese farm. I thought it was going to be hilarious. I was actually wrong in hindsite. Me and my friend both took like 10 benadryl pills and immediatly we took crazy frigging hits from his bong. As I was sitting down, I noticed my perception slowing. I was sitting on the couch but I didn't not stop sitting, I sat into the universe and stayed there for around an hour. I experienced inner piece, but then I saw a shadow enveloping the iniverse. Shapes made of sound beat the shadows back, but the darkness cept coming at me. Eventually after a battle that lasted a million years, all my vision was darkness. I could taste it, it filed my mouth. Then I saw a face. It looked like a gigachad meme from a distance, but when I got closer, its face distorted into a horrific grin. Big black flies buzzed from his mouth which looked even blacker than his sirroundings. His eyes glowed red and I could see hell in them. He told me he was the president of evil, and he started to laser beam my head. I hit my head on something solid in the darkness really hard, which brought me back to the real world. My head was bleeding, I had smashed my head on my friends bong. I had peed myself and pooped myself as well. But I was good, the presidnet of evil was gone. I looked around, it was crazy dark, which was weird cuz the clock said it was just 2 o clock. I looked around. Everything was dark. I checked outside. It was night time. I ran outside, but it was still dark. I checked my hands, and they were brown, like a black mans. I start to get scared. I start hitting myself in the head and was about to cut myself when I realised that only trannies do this, and the presidnet of evil was trying to steal my penis and make me his tranny wife. I decide to jump out of the window, and before I hit the ground, I came back to reality, but this was actual reality. I opened my eyes. My friend lay at my feet, frothing at his mouth. Scared, I put him on his side and called 911. But the voice was that of the president of evil. And the voice wasn't coming from the phono either. I turned around, and my friend had dislocated his jaw with his own bear hands. The jaw was held on by strings of meat and looked super gross with his tongue wagging about. His eyes started to glow red, so I fled. I am writing this in my friendos basement. He bangs at my door. I hope I will be all good. I hope this is just the trip. Never do 10 benadr and hella salvia niggaz, crazy shit fr. I took a picture of the presnident of evil as well. edit: sordy for bad spelling inglish is my second language

One day, I was browsing 4cuck's /pol/, and discovered that.

One day I noticed my bvll wasn't pleasing my wife as much as he used to, I asked him what was the matter, he could barely get a boner. He slowly turned towards me revealing he had bloodshot hyperealistic eyes and he said "I'm bvll here" and then he destroyed my funkopop collection.

>>16032840
should the sunglasses go back on?

>>16032845
just tell me its not that hard to see through your one of my schizo voices aren't you so tell me if my eyes are unnerving and you want them put back on

>>16032840
this scared mi. Plz put warning befor next time or something

I saw a nigger once

>>16032868
NO FUCKING WAY

>>16032868
Those are just wives tales niggers aren’t real

I found something very disturbing on the sharty. It all started when I was scrolling the 'party with my friend whilst drinking Soylent per usual. We found a post I personally found gemmy, while my friend found it to be worthless coal. Each of us had replied with their respective rating of the post, and nothing out of the ordinary happened, that was until the other day. I decided to take a visit to my friend's house, I found him dead, with coal shards inserted into his anus, emerging from his stomach, he was covered with a very sticky liquid, I knew this wasn't liquidphonos doing because the substance was blue and not grey. I panicked and quickly went to the sharty to ask for help, but I couldn't post and every soyjak and giga was being raped by a man made out of gems. I heard a knock on my door, it was geman, and there I had learned the forbidden truth. Soyjak party had a janny controlled force of mineral men that have a small chance of raping you to death after you rate a post, they sometimes mistake you "rating" a post for "raping" it so they rape you to balance it out, the mineral man you get sent was the type of rating you posted. Because I rated the post as gem I got sent geman, my friend rated it as coal and got the coal man. The better or worse the rating, the stronger the rapist that is sent to rape you. Geman broke into my house but thankfully my bvll took the hit and got raped in my place, I watched him as he got diamond shards inserted into his ass and piercing into his stomach, the geman was cumming a coal colored liquid, which is very strange. Mineral men seem to cum the color of the rating opposite to them, the liquid ejected with such a force it pierced the bvll's body and went straight through my wife which killed her. I survived after the geman fulfilled his order of raping one person, but beware teens when you rate a post. Stronger ratings make stronger rapists, a vantablack rapist can teleport into your location and rape you in less than a millisecond, the most lethal and dangerous rapist is the geman that raped the party, who if summoned will instantly rape everyone.