/soy/ - Soyjaks

Item #: SCP-1488 ("Squirreljak")
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures:
SCP-1488 is to be contained in a standard low-security humanoid containment chamber at Site-19, modified with reinforced acrylic walls, a large artificial tree, and a continuous supply of acorns, walnuts, and assorted nuts. The chamber must include a digital display that cycles through images of "gems," "cobson," and other soy-related imagery to prevent agitation.
All personnel entering the chamber must wear Level B hazmat suits with full facial coverage. Under no circumstances is any staff member to utter the phrases "Nigga I'm nuts," "This guy's nuts," "That's nuts," or any variation thereof within auditory range of SCP-1488. Testing involving mirrors, pointing gestures, or "say the line" prompts is strictly prohibited following Incident 1488-NUTS.
In the event of a containment breach, Mobile Task Force Epsilon-11 ("Nine-Tailed Fox") is to respond with non-lethal acoustic deterrents consisting of looped GigaChad voice lines and calming forest ambience. Recontainment priority is medium — the entity is more likely to stop for nuts than to cause structural damage.
Description:
SCP-1488 is a sapient, bipedal humanoid entity approximately 1.4 meters in height, exhibiting the head and facial features of a feral soyjak (wide eyes, open mouth, prominent teeth, and a distressed expression) combined with squirrel-like traits: a bushy tail, prominent incisors, and reddish-brown fur covering most of its body. It wears no clothing except for occasional makeshift acorn "armor."
The entity is highly memetic in nature. When SCP-1488 observes a human subject displaying signs of "seething," "coping," or perceived inferiority (including but not limited to political arguments, online discourse, or simple frustration), it will enter an agitated state and vocalize its primary anomalous effect:
"NIGGA I'M NUTS!"
This phrase triggers a potent compulsive cognitohazard. Affected individuals experience an overwhelming urge to agree with SCP-1488, often repeating variations such as "Yeah, this guy's nuts" or "That's nuts" while exhibiting soyjak-like facial contortions (wide grin, bulging eyes, head tilt). Prolonged exposure (more than 3 repetitions) leads to "squirreljakking" — subjects begin hoarding nuts, climbing furniture, and chittering incoherently while posting increasingly erratic content on imageboards.
SCP-1488 originated from an anomalous digital meme that first manifested on 4chan's /qa/ board in August 2021 before migrating to soyjak.party. It claims its existence is tied to "the first nuts" and becomes distressed when reminded that grey squirrels have "invaded" certain regions (particularly Britain). In such cases, it will seethe visibly and attempt to rally nearby personnel against "the greys."
Addendum 1488-1: Discovery
SCP-1488 was recovered from a basement apartment in [REDACTED], Ohio, after local authorities responded to reports of a "rabid furry screaming about nuts" that had caused an entire Discord server to devolve into mass soy-posting. Foundation agents arrived to find 17 individuals in various stages of squirreljak transformation, all frantically collecting acorns from a nearby park.
Addendum 1488-2: Notable Incident Log
Incident 1488-NUTS: During a cross-test with SCP-096, researcher Dr. L. attempted to calm the entity by saying "Say the line, Squirreljak." SCP-1488 responded with its catchphrase. SCP-096 briefly paused its rage state, tilted its head, and uttered "…that's nuts" before resuming aggression. The resulting breach caused 9 casualties and the temporary loss of 3 D-class who were later found in the woods burying nuts.
Exploration Log: When asked about its origins, SCP-1488 replied: "Don't touch my nuts. It all started on the 'kway… then the Sharty made me gemmy." Further questioning causes it to enter a "feral" state and attempt to bite personnel while chanting "Nuts nuts nuts."