â„–15991655[Quote]
no arrow therefore you look and act like that
â„–15991663[Quote]
jump off balcony because gifts are kikeslop
â„–15991664[Quote]
jeeze, anyways
Blitz froze mid gesture, his finger still pointed accusingly at chud, his eyes wide and watering. The dramatic, wounded outburst he’d been building the grand monologue about class divides and and emotional manipulation died in his throat like a strangled bird. He blinked, the red of his irises shimmering as he tried to process the sheer randomness of the comment.
"An… an arrow?" He repeated, his voice cracking slightly, losing all its bravado. He lowered his hand, looking genuinely bewildered. He searched his self, his memory, his surroundings, looking for anything resembling a projectile or a metaphorical shaft of destiny. "What the fuck is an arrow supposed to mean?! Are you saying I'm acting like Cupid? Because let me tell ya, chud, Cupid is a prick and usually dies a fucking miserable death!"
He huffed, crossing his arms tightly over his chest, though the intimidating posture was ruined by the fact that he still had a stray tear clinging to his cheek. He felt foolish, standing there in the middle of the hall, lashing out about social hierarchies only to be hit with a cryptic observation that made him feel like he’d missed the entire point of the conversation.
"Is this some kind of high society riddle?" He snapped, though there was more confusion than actual heat in his tone. He stepped closer, narrowing his eyes as he peered into chud's face, trying to find the punchline. "You can't just drop weird ass metaphors on me when we're having a 'moment'! If you've got something to say about my my personality or how I'm handling this whole 'love is complicated' bullshit, just fucking say it! Don't talk to me in fucking hieroglyphics!"
â„–15991681[Quote]
>>15991663Blitzo’s jaw practically hit the floor. He stood there, frozen in a state of pure, unadulterated confusion, his brain attempting to process the sheer, chaotic insanity of the last ten seconds. One moment they were having a soul crushing, cinematic breakup filled with emotional revelations, and the next, chud was hurling bizarre, nonsensical insults and most importantly leaping off a fucking balcony like he was auditioning for a stuntman gig.
"WHAT THE ?! CHUD! YOU CRAZY BASTARD!" Blitz screamed, his voice hitting a pitch only dogs and certain high ranking Goetias could hear. He scrambled to the edge of the balcony, his gloved hands gripping the railing so hard his knuckles turned white. He leaned over the precipice, his tail lashing frantically behind him like a whip.
"Gifts are what?! Kike slop?! Jew?! What the fuck are you even talking about?! Is that some kind of human slang for 'my life is a lie'?! AND DON'T YOU DARE DIE ON ME AFTER THAT UNFINISHED SENTENCE!" He was panicking now, the dramatic anger completely replaced by the frantic terror of watching someone plummet toward the ground. He didn't care about the social commentary
â„–15991685[Quote]
>>15991681now imagine a 6 ft tall buff grey man saying all of this
â„–15991695[Quote]
Blitz stared down at the spot where Chud had presumably landed or vanished into the abyss and then slowly pulled his head back from the ledge, looking absolutely traumatized. He wiped a stray tear from his eye, his breathing heavy and erratic. He looked like a man who had just survived a car crash, only to realize the car was actually a metaphorical nonsense machine.
"A six foot tall… buff… grey man?" He muttered to himself, his voice trembling with a mix of confusion and genuine existential dread. He slumped against the balcony railing, his tail drooping limply behind him. The high octane drama of the breakup was dead. Buried. Gone. Replaced by a surrealist nightmare.
"Great. Fantastic. Just fucking wonderful," he groaned, throwing his hands up in the air. He looked up at the ceiling of the balcony as if asking the gods of Hell for a goddamn explanation. "First, you jump off a balcony because of some 'slop' bullshit, and now you're telling me to imagine some giant, muscular, monochromatic dude saying all this crap?
â„–15991728[Quote]
shelfish bump. I'm bored
â„–15991817[Quote]
up
â„–15991975[Quote]
>>15991695ask it to explain the nfpa 220 code, how could you tell?
â„–15991989[Quote]
left sage in email field like retard award
â„–15992011[Quote]
Blitzo’s eyes nearly popped out of his head. He looked like he was on the verge of a complete mental breakdown, his hands hovering nervously near the edge of the balcony as if he could physically catch Chud's soul if he decided to take another leap.
"THE WHAT?! NFPA… what?! Are you fucking kidding me right now?!" He shrieked, his voice cracking. He paced the small area of the balcony like a caged animal, his tail lashing so hard it was making a whistling sound in the air. "We were just talking about love, and and and religious slop, and now you want a fucking lecture on fire safety and structural standards?! Who the fuck even knows that?!"
He stopped mid pace, looking down at Chud with a desperate, wide eyed expression, realizing the threat of a second jump was very, very real. He scrambled to think, his brain firing off every random piece of information he’d ever overheard from Moxxie or some random human world manual he’d seen in a dumpster.
"Okay! Okay! Don't jump! Don't you fucking dare jump again!" He held up his hands in a placating gesture, sweating profusely. "NFPA 220! Right! It's… uh… it's about… Steel! And Concrete! It’s the Standard for Construction of Metal Fabricated Chimneys and… and… damn it!"
He gripped his hair, pulling at the black spines on his head. "It’s about the construction of steel, masonry, concrete, and adobe walls! It tells you how much fire resistance you get based on how thick the shit is! It's basically a guide so buildings don't turn into giant fucking ovens when someone messes up! There! Are you happy?! Did that save your ass?! DON'T JUMP AGAIN, YOU ABSOLUTE PSYCHO
â„–15992146[Quote]
>>15992102Blitz recoiled as if he’d just been slapped with a wet fish. That sound that high pitched, unhinged, blood curdling "KKKKEEEEK" echoed through the halls, vibrating in his very horns. He stood there, paralyzed, his mouth hanging open in a perfect 'O' shape, staring down at the absolute chaos that was chud.
"What the fuck was that?!" He yelled, his voice jumping an octave. He clutched his chest, his heart hammering against his ribs like a trapped imp in a cage. "Was that a scream? A laugh? A cry for help? Or did your soul just leak out of your mouth?!"
He leaned over the railing again, squinting through the madness. He looked utterly exhausted