/soy/ - Soyjaks

The Euromutt wakes up eager to start xis virtuous European day and immediately a thought pops into xis head.
>AMERICANS!
This of course is a daily occurrence without fail.
>I wonder what those stupid Amerimutts are up to…
Xe thinks as xe instinctively opens up xis favorite Amerimutt website soyjak.party from xis iPhone. Xe scrolls and scrolls seeking an opening to talk about America, anything to latch on to. Xe's totally not obsessed with Americans. Xe becomes bored so xe turns his TV on and opens up Netflix. He puts on xis favorite marvel movie for the billionth time and xe goes back to scrolling. Xe loves engaging in American culture as xe bashes America. Xe's totally not obsessed. Xe gets hungry and reaches for xis iPhone to order breakfast from McDonalds using uber eats.
>Stupid Amerimutts making me eat their shitty food! European food is so much better not even close!
Xe has eaten KFC 3 out of the last 5 nights for dinner. Xe waits downstairs for xis food so xe decides to put on some American rap music.
>Ugh stupid Amerimutts! Their culture is such shit! Not like European culture, we have history! And long-standing traditions. True culture comes from the wealthy!
An illegal family crosses xis path and xe pretends to not be afraid and gives them a friendly nod and a wave.
>WAAAOOOO!! I bet if this was America they would have shot them lol us Europeans are much more open-minded and civilized.
Xe nods agreeing with ximself. Xis food arrives and makes xis way back upstairs as xe slurps down the coke Americans have forced xim to drink. As xe sits down to enjoy xis shitty American food xis iPhone receives an alert.
<NEW ZEALAND NOW HAS ZERO CORONAVIRUS CASES!
>Oh my fucking god! I am so gonna rub this in their stupid Amerimutt faces!
Xe tweets, xe posts on Instagram, xe jumps on the Sharty and posts with furor and xenophobia. Xe never really congratulates New Zealand or their success but instead talks about how Americans will all die from COVID and how they are all so stupid. The European posts charts and graphs xe has archived to link when xe is questioned. Xe's totally not obsessed with America. Dont even joke around like that. Xes cooming with joy.
>I really showed those stupid Amerimutts today, they fucking deserve it, god damn imperialists.
Xe says without a shred of irony. Felling extra good about xis exploits xe decides to go out and enjoy xis blessed, virtuous, pretentious Euroday. Xe laces up xis Jordans nice and tight. Xe puts on xis favorite Batman shirt and Nike sweater. As xe walks out xe grabs a piece of cardboard sitting by the door. The Euromutt is now on xis way out to protest about something happening in the U.S. Standing in a bus with 300 other people in it he has a thought.
>Why DO I care so much about things happening in America… Am I obsessed with American life?
Xe thinks as xe yells Black Lives Matter from xis "90% white", European country