/soy/ - Soyjaks

Everyone knows about that famous search engine, Google, right?

Well, there's a dark secret they don't want anyone to know. You may have heard about the dead bodies, rape victims, and other things found on Google Street view. But, what I found today was truly disturbing, it makes me shudder with fear, just thinking about it.

When one of my friends emailed me a mysterious message, I didn't question it, he was probably hacked, or got one of those annoying viruses.

Hi, (My Name)! Long time no see. We should catch up sometime, whatever you do, do not Google "Big blak Banana From Ebola." Thanks.

- Yours truly,

(My friends Email Address).

Now, normally I pay no mind to these spam messages, but I was feeling pretty adventurous today. So, I opened up Google Chrome, got to my homepage, (which is Google, if you haven't guessed) and typed in "Big blak Banana From Ebola" into the search bar, and hit enter. My blood was boiling for something freaky, I was anticipating it, and.

Nothing.

Well nothing eye catching anyway, so I went to Google Images, just random images like usual, I was getting bored, ready to click away, when suddenly, I saw the Map icon blinking. I c licked on it, and to my surprise, there was a location called, "Big blak Banana."

Now this should have been a red flag, but I didn't question it at the time. I clicked to Street View, and what I saw next fills me with fear to this hour. (It's been 3 hours.)

Dead bodies, everywhere, all the bodies seemed to be covered in diarrhea. That was disgusting enough, but the date slider really got me, the date this photo was taken of the area, was today.

There were all kinds of dead people, from all ethnicities. men and women, even children.

I was panicking at this point.

I quickly closed the window, and tried to relax. I took some deep breaths. That's when I heard it, a crashing sound from what I could only guess, was my kitchen. I went downstairs to check, and when I got to the kitchen, there was only one thing left on the counter. A banana. It looked normal enough, yellow peel, but when I peeled it, I noticed it wasn't just any banana, it was blak and darkened, like those patches you find on normal bananas, but all over it.

Curious and startled, I instinctively took a bite out of it. I then proceeded to call the police, to report a break in. But after dialing 911, I began to choke on the banana. I dropped the phone. Then I noticed it. My skin had started to darken, and I looked just like the flesh of the banana. Then, fluids started oozing from me, and I started having diarrhea. All while still choking on the banana.

I dropped the peel to the ground in agonizing pain. I slipped on the peel, did I really just eat the whole thing? In that amount of time? Impossible. I would have remembered taking more than one bite.

The phone was on the ground, the operator had long hung up, they probably thought I was a silent prank caller, or something.

Then I drove to the hospital, they had me examined. But by the time I got there. I was already feeling a lot better. My skin was normal, my breath didn't even smell like bananas. Even the diarrhea, mysteriously disappeared.

When I told them what happened, they recommended me a psychiatrist. I was pretty frustrated at that point, and decided to go home.

When I got home, the peel was gone.

I'm not crazy, I know this happened.

I can't imagine what would've happened if I ate the peel, too.

So, whatever you do. Please, PLEASE, don't Google "Big blak Banana From Ebola"

Date your mom fuggen jerdee

>>15706156
the jerdee

You leave the bald man with glasses website, you go outside, social clubs, uni, gym, making friends. When those friends invite you somewhere, you accept and go there, meeting more people you enjoy spending time with. Repeat this until you find someone you click with, then invest into that relationship, make time for her etc.
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Or just go on 4cuck r9k and simp for some attention whore foid (probably tranny) and hope that she will choose you (she won't)

I want a girlfriend who would take a motherly role in the relationship, treating me as if I was a child. How do I find a girl willing to do this?

Sorry Naterulpliers, I don’t fall for Sidbait.

>>15706194
six seveeenn

>Sorry Naterulpliers, I don’t fall for Sidbait.
Geg! Issa 67!

tinder or some shit

>>15706360
that's for roasties or whores though

>>15706145 (OP)
If you want one, you need to kill yourself first.

>>15706381
I can be your mommy