/soy/ - Soyjaks

Hello, my name is Tyrone 'Niggerbone' Daquavius Chickenwing, but some of you may know me as just Tyrone. I am the one Tyrone Soyak keeps talking about and shiet. I have a horrifying story for you all. Do not, under any circumstances, open the Jartу soylent bottle. So I was walking with this wyboi Soyak whose wife I use to show dat bibisi to and he was talm about some special Soylent flavor or whatever and shii. Basically he there was a new shit flavored bottle or whatever that came out and he really wanted to try it. We went to a Walshart establishment and entered. We went into the drinks aisle and I guess there it was. It was a blue and gray colored Soylent bottle with the label "JAR TEA". Soyak started doing his mildly autistic "dance" and I just wanted it to end. In the end, he bought as much Soylent he (well, I) could carry and he decided to give me one for being such a good bull. When we got back to his house and he wanted to watch me as I give his wife the bibisi, he insisted I open the Soylent and try it first. So I did. I cracked it open. What a horrible mistake that was. Immediately, some weird flies started circling the bottle. I chugged the entire thing anyway. I shouldn't have done that. Later, while I'm pounding his wife, I start to feel weird. Like it's a reflex, I reach into Soyak's closet and put on a gray/blue colored shirt. My skin starts to turn even darker than it was (which I thought was impossible). I immediately stopped fucking dat wytboi's wife and went to go vomit it out but it was too late. My mouth grew four times the normal size. My brain had shrunk and I suddenly got the urge to start making the next 'lita. In the end I ended up hanging myself. Thankfully that wyboi Soyak resuscitated me with a disgusting, chunky Soylent bottle. Please. Whatever you do. Do not drink this.