/soy/ - Soyjaks

Audio files

never swim in the kolyma river
My name is Theodore Dranisky, or Ted Drannies for short. I am a nineteen year old six foot seven pure Slav drevniy rus aryan with flowing blonde hair and a perfect norwood zero hairline. I am writing this so none of you fellow soyim make the same mistake I did.
It all started when my piece of shit mom and dad dragged me on some nobody cares vacation to east siberia. They said it would be nice to get some fresh air away from the city, which is just a giant open air zoo full of mongoloids, seamonkeys, and brap fueled clouds courtesy of our zionist politicians turning every last frogposter into a gay baitspamming shitskin tranny nigger. I do not work or go to college because I refuse to give ninety nine point nine nine percent of my paycheck straight to mossad.
We were driving to some rented cabin while I was forced to listen to commiegroid zigger music blasting through the car speakers, aping my ears the entire time. I was deep on the sharty when I saw some threads claiming kuz, the old admin, was still alive somewhere in siberia. I laughed it off as coal bait only twenty iq nusoys fall for.
Eventually we reached the cabin. My shitty motorola, the kind only niggers in third world countries still use, had zero bars. I gave up refreshing the soy board and decided to hike up a hill to hunt for signal. After ten minutes of walking I finally got one bar. The page took sixty seven thermbillion minutes to load but it was something.
From the top of the hill I could see a five G tower on the other side of the valley and a disgusting brown river that looked like it had been used as a toilet by every pajeet in a five hundred kilometer radius. The water was thick and oily, swirling with what looked like chunks of human waste and old middle eastern flags floating like dead fish. I did not care. I needed to post. So I started walking down toward the riverbank.
The closer I got, the worse the smell became. It was like being locked in a room with one thousand four hundred eighty eight unwashed pajeets eating takis and brapping at full volume, the stench so heavy it made my eyes water and my throat burn. That should have been my sign to turn back, but I was desperate.
I looked for a shallow crossing. About four hundred meters downstream I spotted a shit stained mud hut village on the opposite bank. The place looked abandoned yet somehow alive with evil. Every single mud hut was crumbling, roofs caved in, walls covered in dried feces and trash piles that reached up to my waist. As I got closer I could see epi posters and giant stars of david spray painted on every single building, the paint still dripping like fresh cum. My clitty started leaking like crazy. I remembered I had my lighter with me.
Fuck it, I thought. I am not letting these pedogroomer mossad bootlickers ruin my aryan zigger life any longer.
I stripped down and waded into the kolyma river.
The water was pure excrement, thick, warm, and chunky like diarrhea soup that had been left in the sun for weeks. It clung to my skin like slime, forcing its way into every pore. I almost vomited multiple times while swimming across, the taste of it hitting the back of my throat with every desperate stroke. When I finally crawled out on the other side, all the skin that had touched the water had turned a dark, muddy brown, like I had been dipped in liquid shit. I tried scrubbing it off with handfuls of dirt but nothing worked. Whatever, I figured I would shower back at the cabin.
Before I could even spark the first mud hut, I heard wet braps right behind me.

Geg

mossad agents are preventing this thread from getting reppies, this story IS REAL!!!

Bvmping this so it doesnt get buried in bait

gem

I just saged this thread.

FAQ
What does this mean?
The amount of bumps (points) on your thread account has not increased by my reply.

Why did you do this?
There are several reasons I may deem a thread to be unworthy of a bump. These include, but are not limited to:

low effort bait
neutral coal blogpost
trannycord astroturfing

Am I banned from soyjak.party?
No - not yet. But you should refrain from making threads like this in the future. Otherwise I will be forced to issue a formal ban request to the multiple moderators that I know, which may put your replying and posting privileges in jeopardy.

I don't believe my thread deserves a saged reply. Can you un-sage it?
Sure, mistakes happen. But unfortunately, it is impossible to undo it. Even if it was possible, I would only do it in exceedingly rare circumstances If you would like to issue a good natured apology, create a thread with the title “sage unban”. I tend to respond to threads within several minutes. Do note, however, that over 99.9% of apologies are rejected, and yours is likely no exception.

How can I prevent this from happening in the future?
Accept the saged reply and move on. But learn from this mistake: your behavior will not be tolerated on soyjak.party. I will continue to issue saged replies on similar threads until you improve your conduct. Remember: soyjak.party is a privilege, not a right.

'gated
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gem 'pasta