/soy/ - Soyjaks

NEVER swim in the kolyma river, my name is Pajeet Rakesh and this is my story. So I was in russia on vacation because my family is poor or something and I was angry that we didn't go near a beach so I could swim. My parents called me a dirty shitskin so I ran away, until I stumbled upon a river. I decided to cannonball into the river, and once I landed, I sank. Once I came back up, everything was brown and I was surrounded by troons wearing orange wigs with torn blue skirts. There was some russian jew infront of me who appeared to be the ring leader, and he said "now is the time for the Ongezellig red shambala ritual" before they all started saying satanic things like "trans people are valid", "rule 2 is bad" and the names of the most brimstone websites. I swam away as fast as I could, avoiding all of the poop in the river, but then I heard the sound of brapping; it was so loud that my ears started bleeding. I don't remember too much after that due to the chemicals, but I remember the KGB coming and knocking me out before taking me back home safely, they left a note telling me not to tell anybody what I saw today.