/soy/ - Soyjaks

Hey teens. I feel like this might be the wrong place to post this, but I don't know what to do.

I do not believe I experience gender dysphoria (I'll expand upon this later). I don't feel distressed by having breasts or female genitals. I dislike having periods just as any other woman does. However, I wish I had certain masculine characteristics. I wish I had broader shoulders, a larger ribcage, thicker wrists, bigger hands and feet, more height, but most of all, strength and muscle mass.

Ever since I first learned about the difference in size and strength between men and women (sometime in elementary school), it has seriously bothered me. My earliest memory of this (I'm pretty sure I knew earlier, but this is what I actually remember) was when I was in the car with my mom and I was telling her about the fitness gram test in gym class (around 3rd or 4th grade?). I don't remember what was said exactly, or what led to this, but she said something about how the boys are starting to get stronger or whatever. I remember that I felt bad for the rest of the day, and throughout the day after, too (the feeling may have lasted another day or two in addition, but I'm not sure). I don't think I have any other specific memories, but I do remember that it would bother me whenever things like that were brought up.

I mostly coped by convincing myself that the differences in strength between men and women were exaggerated by sexism. I convinced myself that it was only because men were encouraged to get big and strong while women were encouraged to be dainty and small. As it became clear to me that this wasn't the case, and that the differences were due to biology, I just tried to avoid thinking about it or do something to try and take my mind off it. However, it still really bothers me after all these years, and it's hard to ignore when it is just another part of reality.

I feel like most women only really care about this in terms of how it makes them vulnerable to men in violent situations, but not really in other aspects. As in, if we lived in a perfect world where men never harmed women, they would not care about the strength and size difference (In fact, some women actually enjoy being small and weak in situations that are not dangerous, enjoying the feeling of being cute and feminine in comparison to their big, strong boyfriends). I also feel like most women don't feel jealous when they stand next to a man that is taller, broader-shouldered, or more muscular than them.