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im going to assume this was stolen from reddit itoddler
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6 million reddit upvotes
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Had to jump on my burner for this one. It really does suck. Ill admit mine was mainly formed by porn. I started watching from a young age, and didnt start actually getting with women till way later. So there was like 10 years of porn warping my sexuality and I ended up with this.
Every girl ive opened up about it to was predictably disgusted. I didnt get off on that disgust, it was just embarrassing. I e never actually partaken in it.
For most of the time I was still straight and very into normal vanilla straight sex, and I never pressured them so it wasnt relationship ending. But I started losing my sex drive from alcohol/drug abuse and medication side effects. To get horny id have to use GHB and meth (notoriously gay inducing combo). That led to stimfapping, which made it worse and is its own hell. My T levels have probably massively dropped. Now I cant even find normal sex with attractive women appealing. Can only get off on depraved, borderline gay shit (not actual full on gay stuff. Im just aware enough to realise that cuck shit is lowkey gay). I dont think im even gay, its more a mental thing about humiliating myself.
Its highly embarrassing and I dont get off on people knowing. Its my darkest secret. But my ex knows about it and it was a massive part in the relationship ending. So there is a high chance all my social circle knows through her. My life is fucked, I cant even enjoy my normal natural sexuality anymore coz this kink has hijacked my mind. And I am potentially a laughing stock to everyone i know, laughing at me behind my back. I hate the humiliation and dont get off on it.
I dont engage with it anymore, and only rarely relapse to watching cuck porn and stimfapping. But its been years and my original, normal sexuality has shown no signs of returning. I dont want to be a cuck. But I havent been able to get back to normal vanilla desires.
Porn really is fucked up. Combine meth+ghb stimfapping, testosterone reducing lifestyle habits, and medication side effects on top of that. I think ive completely destroyed my chance at ever having a a happy and healthy sex life. Despite being a decent looking guy who can do well with women otherwise.
Its highly depressing and my biggest shame/regret. The relationship i fucked up with it was such a tragedy. Could have been the love of my life but I let pornsickness and drug use ruin it.
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