/soy/ - Soyjaks

If Hitler had redirected all Wunderwaffen research into advanced sex toys instead of weapons, with his own massive BBC as the flagship prototype, the 20th century would’ve ended in total sexual overload.

The V-2 program becomes the V-2 Vibrator: a rocket-powered dildo capable of hypersonic thrusting, deployed en masse across Europe. The Me 262 jet fighter tech gets repurposed into the Me 262 Masturbator Sleeve—world’s first supersonic onahole that literally sucks you into another dimension. Panzer divisions are replaced by Panzer Plowers: remote-controlled BBC-shaped tanks with vibrating treads that plow through bedrooms instead of battlefields.

By 1944 the Allies aren’t facing blitzkrieg, they’re facing blitzorgasm. Entire cities surrender after the first wave of Luftwaffle droppings: crates of Führer-approved mega-dongs raining from the sky, each stamped “Ein Volk, Ein Reich, Ein Orgasm.” Resistance crumbles when French women discover the superior German engineering in bed; British troops lay down arms after experiencing the V-3 “Venice Vibrator” that floods entire rooms with pleasure.

Post-war? The Cold War becomes the Cold Stroke War. America rushes the Manhattan Project equivalent: the Atomic Assblaster. Soviets counter with the Tsar Bomba Buttplug—biggest in history. But Germany already won: every modern vibrator traces its lineage back to the original BBC Wunderwaffen blueprints. Society hits permanent sexual overload by the 1960s—free love isn’t a movement, it’s a surrender treaty. Population explodes then plateaus because nobody leaves the house anymore.

Today we’d live in a world where “Heil” is what you scream when you cum, swastikas are discreetly hidden on the base of every high-end toy, and the ultimate status symbol is owning an original 1945 Führer BBC cast—still the gold standard for girth, vibration settings, and historical basedness.

Sexual overload achieved. Third Reich lasts forever, not through conquest, but through endless conquest of the clit.