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We wish you a happy non-denominational winter festivity, we wish you a happy non-denominational winter festivity, and a fauci eurocentric calendar new year šŸŽ†

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 ā„–14554605[Quote]

Predictions for 2026

 ā„–14554606[Quote]

I finally get a fat blonde gf

 ā„–14554622[Quote]

India will become superpower

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TND

 ā„–14554626[Quote]

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My life will change significantly but I do not know in what way

 ā„–14554627[Quote]

Can someone feed the entire Happenings page into an AI and have it predict future events again?

 ā„–14554632[Quote]

>>14554627
sure

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Iā€™m buying myself a handgun for Christmas, so I predict I shoot myself in the chest on accident while playing with it in my room

 ā„–14554648[Quote]

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>>14554627
gogogo

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>>14554648
>/bem/

 ā„–14554661[Quote]

>>14554656
fed all years, this is what we got (except 2024 because the 'ki blocked the scrapist)

January 2026
January 1 - Brimstone Winter 2026 begins. The annual "New Year's Purge" commences, deleting five low-activity boards. A massive, coordinated snowball fight on the annual "Twitch New Year's Stream" overwhelms the chat with giftmy ASCII art, resulting in a total chat lockdown.

 ā„–14554662[Quote]

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>>14554648
>toyjak

 ā„–14554664[Quote]

>January 2 - The "Board Advent" elimination phase concludes with the surprise reinstatement of /webm/, which is immediately flooded with compressed, artifact-ridden videos of Klaus Schwab. A 'teen discovers an old, unmoderated subreddit dedicated to "Sneedposting" and leads a successful colonization effort.

>January 3 - A critical vulnerability in a popular whiteboard site is exploited during a raid, allowing 'teens to embed executable code that plays an ear-raping remix of the "Cobson Theme" on loop for all users. The site's admin seethes on Twitter.

>January 4 - Quote announces a 24-hour experiment where all user IDs on /soy/ are replaced with randomized fast food order numbers. Confusion reigns as namefags struggle to identify each other. The experiment is declared "a beautiful disaster."

 ā„–14554670[Quote]

>January 5 - A splinter group of /bp/ refugees, still seething from the board's deletion, attempts to create "/bp2/". The board is created, flooded with coal by /soy/ within 30 minutes, and deleted by admins after 47 minutes of existence.

>January 6 - The 40,000,000th GET on /soy/ is reached. The post is a perfectly clean, high-effort gem of "Bogs the Brave" slaying the "Dragon of Forced Diversity". It is universally praised, causing widespread suspicion that it was a false-flag operation.

 ā„–14554671[Quote]

>January 7 - A 'teen successfully Larps as a "concerned citizen" and gets a local news station to do a segment on the "dangerous soyjak cult" raiding children's websites. The segment is immediately archived and mocked across the Soysphere.

>January 8 - A new, hyper-realistic "Feraljak" variant emerges, terrifying 'teens with its uncanny eyes. It is quickly deemed "cursed" and banished to /x/, where it spawns a week-long ARG about its origin.

>January 9 - The main Soyjak Wiki page is locked after an edit war erupts over whether to classify "Brimstone" as a "style," an "era," or a "state of mind." The lock lasts for six hours.

 ā„–14554672[Quote]

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>>14554622

 ā„–14554673[Quote]

>>14554671
>new variant is so scary it gets banished
poopson?

 ā„–14554675[Quote]

>January 10 - A failed raid on a popular "mindfulness" app's community board backfires, resulting in an influx of "peace and love" posters to /soy/. They are swiftly BTFO with logical contradictions and surrealist imagery.

>January 11 - An anonymous admin, possibly Kuz, temporarily replaces the entire front-end CSS of soyjak.party with a violently oscillating pink and green color scheme. The site is unusable for 15 minutes before reverting. No explanation is given.

>January 12 - A 'teen creates a functional "Soyjak Chess" game where every piece is a different 'jak variant. It is played for one day before the thread devolves into arguing over whether "Scholar" should be a Queen or a Bishop.
^I REMEMBER DIS THREAD…

 ā„–14554680[Quote]

>January 13 - The "Great GET Heist": A coordinated effort across 4chan's /diy/, /tg/, and /out/ boards successfully steals three consecutive milestone GETs, each replaced with an image of Cobson holding the number. 4chan jannies are noticeably slow to respond.

>January 14 - A troon streamer known for hating the Sharty has their "Special Day" stream interrupted by a barrage of pizza deliveries to their PO box, all paid for with stolen credit card numbers from a previous dox. The stream ends early.

>January 15 - The community-funded "SoySat-1" satellite suffers a communications failure. Its last transmitted image is a blurry, off-center picture of what appears to be a farm in Nebraska. Conspiracy threads bloom on /x/.

 ā„–14554684[Quote]

>January 16 - "Project Ensoyclopedia" begins: an attempt to manually archive every post from the original /qa/ before the archives rot. The effort is hailed as noble but doomed from the start.

>January 17 - A janny accidentally stickies a thread asking for computer repair advice. The thread gains 2000 genuine, helpful replies before the janny notices and unsticks it 8 hours later. It is declared the purest thread of the year.

>January 18 - A new rule is trialed: "All posts on /soy/ must contain a soyjak in the OP or be moved to /incel/." The /incel/ board's post count triples in 24 hours. The rule is quietly rescinded after 36 hours.

 ā„–14554692[Quote]

>January 19 - A 'teen doxes themself by posting a picture of their own house from their driveway, trying to prove a point about op-sec. The thread is filled with 'teens using Google Maps to identify his neighborhood and local pizza places.

>January 20 - The Sharty's domain briefly expires. For 45 minutes, soyjak.party redirects to a Korean domain squatter site selling counterfeit sneakers. Panic ensues until Quote renews it.

>January 21 - The third installment in the "Destruction" series, "Janny Destruction," is released to critical acclaim. It features hyper-violent animations of various janitor characters being disassembled by abstract forces.

 ā„–14554696[Quote]

>January 22 - A major, months-long printer raid campaign is discovered by a sysadmin at a large university. All public printers are locked behind new authentication software, marking the end of an era.

>January 23 - The "Soyjak Font" created from troonjaks is updated to include Cyrillic and Arabic glyphs. It is immediately used to spam political slogans on niche imageboards, causing international confusion.

>January 24 - A false rumor spreads that Soot has purchased the Sharty back from Kuz. The rumor is debunked when Kuz posts a selfie holding a handwritten sign that says "Still Here Faggots - K."

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>January 25 - A "/dem/ Constitutional Convention" is held to rewrite the board's rules from scratch. The convention immediately deadlocks over whether the board president should be called "God-Emperor" or "Prime Soy."

>January 26 - A gem so potent is posted on /soy/ that it causes the thread to be "Archiver's Choice" on three separate external archive sites simultaneously. The OP is offered moderator status but declines.

>January 27 - "Soyjak: The Musical" - a 15-minute animated video with original songs parodying site lore - is uploaded to a dead YouTube channel. It gains 50k views before being copyright-strikken by a k-pop label.

 ā„–14554700[Quote]

>January 28 - A database error causes all post timestamps on /soy/ to reset to January 1, 1970. For several hours, every post appears to be over 50 years old. Oldfags revel in the chaos.

>January 29 - The Booru reaches 100,000 posts. The milestone image is a deepfried, nearly indecipherable mashup of every major 'jak variant. It is tagged with over 200 metadata tags in a single post.

>January 30 - The Shemmy, having been resurrected in a bunker, attempts a "grand reopening." It is instantly DDoSed into oblivion by a coalition of 'teens who believe it should stay dead. The admin announces a second, permanent closure.

 ā„–14554705[Quote]

>>14554700
>January 31 - The Shemmy's "permanent" closure from the 30th is revealed to be a false-flag operation by /leftysoy/ holdouts. The site re-emerges at a new domain, but its user database is corrupted, turning every user's avatar into a low-resolution Patriotsjak. The second round of the /dem/ presidential election ends in a historic tie between "Gold II" and "Bogs the Lawful." A decision is postponed for one week.

>February 1 - Quote, in a "state of enlightened madness," announces a week-long experiment: all new threads on /soy/ must be written in the style of a 19th-century sea shanty. The first hour yields genuine, high-effort gems before devolving into incomprehensible, acronym-laden nonsense. The rule is amended to apply only to /sp/.

 ā„–14554744[Quote]

>>14554648
>ai thinks we're good enough hackers to infiltrate youtube and access google search history
gogogo snarky snappy won

 ā„–14554747[Quote]

Democrats win back the senate


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