/soy/ - Soyjaks

Robert “Bob” T. Reptilian
Age: Unknown (He's either old as the dinosaurs, or as recent as the last Ice Age ending)
Species/Race: Reptilian
Gender: Male

Likes: Adventures, his best friend Larry T. Brown Chicken, the farm, blues music, and The Real Housewives of Orange County.

Dislikes: Evil immortal vampire celebrities, some guy named Joe, & not going on adventures.

Biography: The son of the Egyptian goddess Ammit and some powerful reptilian overlord. Despite his divine heritage, he's a complete dumbass. He is so stupid, in fact, that IQ test results pin him around negative googolplex. Furthermore, he is the cause of most disasters in history, such as the Great Fire of London, The burning of the Library of Alexandria, and indirectly, the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand, where he gave the guy who assassinated him the gun. Though he doesn't remember most of it because he's a complete dum-dum and he has no concept of his actions having consequences. Only he cares about his cool epic adventures happening. Due to the fact that he's a complete liability, the reptilian race has basically dropped him off to a farm in rural Mississippi. There, he lives there now, forever, and he's forgotten about his reptilian heritage because he has short-term memory. He's also the indirect cause of many of his enemies, such as the mad Fishhead, the malicious Psychopathic Figs, etc.

Personality: Bob is quite an eccentric fellow. He speaks in a combination of King James Bible English, Shakespearean English, Pirate Slang, and Southern English. Despite the fact that the reptilian race has evil genes, for some reason, he doesn't. He's a mutation, due to that mutation, it kind of made him stupid and good?

Appearance: A six-foot-tall green crocodile-like creature with yellow eyes and a tail that stands on two feet and has grasping hands.

Powers & Abilities:

⁃ Shapeshifting: Like all reptilians, he has the power of shapeshifting. But due to the fact that Bob is incredibly stupid, he doesn't know how to shapeshift. It comes involuntarily.
⁃ Immortality: Like all reptilians, Bob is immortal, and he's often popped up throughout history.
⁃ Divine Power: Due to the fact that he is the literal son of an Egyptian goddess Ammit, he has all of her divine powers, such as the conception/erasure of souls and soul-sucking, though he doesn't actually use it due to the fact that he's too stupid to realize it.
⁃ Low-level Magic: Bob has partial knowledge of magic, such as the low level Necromancy, Summoning, Ice Magic, etc.
⁃ Cognitohazard mind: The mind of Bob is so unbelievably stupid and so incomprehensible that any psychic mind reader has went insane or killed themselves because it's so incomprehensible and nonsensical that their minds cannot handle it.
⁃ Multiverse singularity: Besides God and a few beings, Bob is one of the few beings in the entirety of existence that cannot have multiversal variations, alternate timelines included.

Random trivia:

⁃ The “T.” stands for “The”.
⁃ Since Bob is a reptilian, and the reptilian race controls much of the world, he is relative to many iconic celebrities, such as Mark Zuckerberg, Bill Gates, Paul Rudd, Taylor Swift, the entirety of the European aristocracy, etc.