/soy/ - Soyjaks

I ate some Papa John's Pizza last night and it turned me into an absolute braphog. I've been ripping ass like crazy for the past several hours and I've had to run to the bathroom twice to avoid shitting myself. This must be what it's like to be shitoko or the average branigger. I can feel the braphog within me yearning to consume me. It's telling me all sorts of things. It's telling me to trust my farts, and that it's okay to shart yourself sometimes. That I don't need to change my underwear immediately, because what else are they there for? That you didn't really need to wipe, because there's no toilet paper in nature. The most concerning thing is I think I'm starting to listen.