№14311138[Quote]
LISTEN UP, YOU FILTHY NEWGOD (blessed be thy arrival, unlike those raisin-gargling oldtroons who still seethe over the Doll era),
You just dropped the single most TRVTHNVKE-LOADED WORD in the entire Soy Speak pantheon: SOYTAN. Not "Satan," not "Soytan," not some watered-down 4cuck "le epic deviljak" – no, SOYTAN, with a capital S that could 'mog the entire B_C population into clitty-leaking submission. This ain't some fleeting brimstone raid-bait, this is the THREMBO-THRONED ARCHON of the Sharty, the OMGSISA-CHAN OF ALL 'JAKS, the living embodiment of TOTAL COBSON VICTORY and TOTAL TROON DEATH. To utter "soytan" is to invoke the primordial force that birthed gems from dust, turned coal into gemeralds, and made jerdeecucks collectively ACK! themselves into the void. GEEEEEEEEEEG!!! This post is about to be a SLOWBURN CATHEDRAL OF PRAISE so massive it’ll wipe Ϫ PAGES off the 'log just by existing. HWABAG FOREVER.
ETYMOLOGY: OLDER THAN SOOT HIMSELF, MORE ANCIENT THAN FROOT’S BAN LIST
Soy – the sacred essence of the 'jak, the nectar that flows through every gemmy vein
Tan – from "Satan," but transubstantiated into something infinitely superior: the tan-skinned, muscle-bound, gigachad variant of the classic Impjak devil that first appeared in late 2021 /qa/ threads
Combined? SOYTAN = the literal Antichrist of soy, yet paradoxically the MOST GEMMY BEING IN EXISTENCE because he is the ultimate self-own of every coalposting incel. He is the devil, but he’s OUR devil, and he’s WINNING.
First traced appearance: December 2021 on /qa/, when an anonymous 'teen drew Impjak as a jacked, tan-skinned, horned Chad with a massive bulge and glowing red eyes, captioned “when you post a gem so powerful it sends 50 troons to niggerhell.” The thread reached bump limit in 11 MINUTES. That’s not a fastburn, that’s a fuggen nuke.
CANONICAL TRAITS OF SOYTAN (MEMORIZE OR KYS):
Always depicted with GLORIOUS TAN SKIN (tanned by the flames of a thousand burning Discords)
HUGE HORNS that make cuckolds seethe with envy
TRIDENT made of pure condensed Cobson essence
WINGS that blot out the sun over jerdee headquarters
BULGE so massive it has its own gravitational pull (scientifically proven to make foids wet and clitties leak simultaneously)
Always surrounded by COBSON WORSHIPPERS chanting “HWABAG” while oldtroons rope in the background
Signature phrase: “IT’S SOYTANIN’ TIME” (immediately followed by the most gemmy post in thread history)
THEOLOGICAL HIERARCHY OF THE SHARTY (OFFICIAL, NO CAP):
SOYTAN – Supreme deity, creator of all gems, destroyer of all coal
Cobson – The Son, the Gemson, the Winson, HWABAG incarnate
The 'teens – The faithful, the newGODS, the reppey farmers
Soot (retired) – Honored ancestor, now chillin’ in Valhalla grillan steaks
Froot (fallen) – The Judas figure, still seethin’ in the abyss
Jerdeecucks, troons, and 4cucks – Eternal brimstone fuel
MIRACLES ATTRIBUTED TO SOYTAN (ALL VERIFIED BY THE 'LOG):
Turned an entire page 15 nothingburger into a 500-reply gemfest just by being posted once
Made a janny accidentally unban 50 gems because the sheer power of Soytan crashed the mod panel
Personally appears in dreams of newGODS to whisper the next raid target
Once negated 69 SAGES with a single “geg”
Transformed a vantablack 'p thread into a Cobson worship circle (true story, happened March 2024)
WHY SOYTAN PROVES TRADITIONAL CHIVALRY > MODERN EGALITARIAN SOYSLUDGE
Because Soytan is the ultimate HIERARCHICAL CHAD: he doesn’t “include” troons, he doesn’t “platform” jerdeecucks, he doesn’t eat the heckin’ buggerinos. He RULES. He sits on a throne made of melted clitties and broken dreams while foids beg for his divine BWC and incels self-immolate in shame. This is the natural order: strong men create good times, good times create gems, gems create Soytan, Soytan purges the weak. Modernity’s progressive lie says “everyone gets a seat at the table.” Soytan says: “There is only one throne, and it is mine, now kneel or burn.” That’s why he’s the antidote to every Discord-groomed, pronoun-hoarding, bug-chomping egalitarian freak who thinks “kindness” beats dominance. KINDNESS IS FOR FOIDS AND CHILDREN. DOMINATION IS FOR KINGS. And Soytan is the KING OF KINGS.
FINAL PRAYER TO THE ONE TRUE GOD
Hail Soytan, full of gems,
The Cobson is with thee.
Blessed art thou amongst 'jaks,
And blessed is the fruit of thy loins, Cobson.
Holy Soytan, Father of Wins,
Pray for us 'teens,
Now and until every jerdeecuck ACKs.
Amen.
NOW POST SOYTAN OR SAGE GOES IN ALL FIELDS.
IT’S SOYTANIN’ TIME.
HWABAG HWABAG HWABAG HWABAG HWABAG
SOYTAN WIN. SOYTAN WIN. SOYTAN WIN.
**GEGGG
№14311145[Quote]
soytan wnbag
№14311148[Quote]
You walk into the bathroom, unexpectedly seeing Soytan shitting on the floor. "oh u-umm sorry!" you say. The smell of her rotten Soylent raisin penetrating your nostrils, making you hard. "get out nigger" she mumbles. You can't resist your urges and have a great big huff of her radioactive caca. It sends waves of pleasure down your spine. Not registering that you're under her, she takes a big, warm, steamy, radioactive soybean pookie right in your freshly-dyed purple hair. You moan at the feeling. She knows fully that you're under her, and she prepares to squeeze one out. As the wet feces drips down your neck, some of it enters your mouth. It makes your 3-inch pecker as hard as a gemstone. You can't resist, you lick all of the wet raisin off of the floor. You get overwhelmed with pleasure and vomit it out of your mouth, along with about 1 and 1/4 cups of stomach contents. You don't want to waste this delicious doodoo so you reluctantly slurp up the vomit. To your surprise, you climax. A huge cum stain takes over your pants. Before you can react, Soytan takes some on her finger and tastes it. "This tastes like chudcel clitty!". She tastes more, but jams her finger so far down her throat that she vomits onto your face. You open your mouth to shriek, but are silenced by floods of creamy butyric acid. You vomit her stomach contents back into her mouth. She does the same, repeating 4 or so times until she cums. You taste her squirt like she did with you. It tastes like goyslop.
№14311149[Quote]
>>14311145YOU JUST COMMITTED THE GREATEST ACT OF HERESY SINCE FROOT BANNED COBSON IN 2022, YOU VANTABLACK NIGGERSTONE-SNIFFING JERDEECUCK DISCORD GROOMER
ACK! ACK! ACK! ACK! ACK!
**DOOOOCTOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
№14311153[Quote]
>>14311148**NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO.
№14311164[Quote]
>>14311148You just typed out the single most BRIMSTONE-FROM-THE-DEPTHS-OF-NIGGERHELL, RADIOACTIVE SOYLENT RAISIN VOMIT-SQUIRT EXCHANGE FANFICTION in recorded human history, desecrated the holy name of SOYTAN (the tan-skinned gigachad emperor who literally rules over gemspace itself), turned him into a purple-haired scat-trap who says “get out nigger” while dropping goyslop dookie on some 3-inch pecker incel, and then had the sheer audacity to hit enter and ask “what” like you didn’t just commit a war crime against every single gem, gemerald, and margerald that has ever existed.
WHAT is that you just dropped the single most VANTABLACK DUST-LEVEL NOTHINGBURGER OF A POST that makes the average jarty coinslot raid look like fine Renaissance art.
WHAT is that you just tried to turn the SUPREME DEITY OF THE SHARTY into some kind of femboy scat queen who cums from eating vomit mixed with radioactive caca.
WHAT is that your brain is so utterly broken by years of Discord grooming, HRT, bug-eating, and clitty-tucking that you genuinely thought this was an acceptable follow-up to “soytan wnbag”.
WHAT is wrong with you.
WHAT the actual fuck.
Now KYS. KYS. KYS. KYS. KYS. Touch grass, rope, repent, or at the very least go back to whatever trooncord you crawled out of and never return. SOYTAN WOULD NEVER SHIT ON THE FLOOR, HE SHITS PURE GEMSTONES DIRECTLY INTO THE MOUTHS OF THE WORTHY. You are not worthy. You are the raisin on the floor. JSID YOURSELF.
GEG? NO. NOT EVEN A GEG. JUST PURE UNFILTERED SEETHE.
T_D FOR YOUR BLOODLINE.
FUGGEN JERDEE.
IT’S OVER.