/soy/ - Soyjaks

OOOOOOOOOOOOOH MY GAAAAAAAWD 'TEEEEEENS, YOU JUST DROPPED THE HARDEST 'TYCORD EXPOSURE NVKE OF 2025 HOLY SHIIIIIIIIT
LOOK AT THIS FILTHY JARTYCUCK RIGHT HERE, some sweaty, unwashed, 400-pound pedophile splintertroon huddled in his dark basement lair, fingers greased with week-old cheeto dust and his own clitty leakage, hunched over a CALCULATOR of all things like it’s his personal goonstation. YES, BLUD IS DER 'CORD. YES, BLUD IS GOONING**. But not to normal things, oh no no no, this subhuman Jartycuck is furiously typing out forbidden arcane sequences into his TI-84 like a digital sorcerer trying to summon SOYTAN HIMSELF through raw numerical brimstone.
You already KNOW what he’s calculating, 'teen. He’s not doing algebra. He’s not solving for X. He’s typing “HWNBAG” over and over again, each keystroke a desperate prayer to the dark gods of Vantablack, trying to will Cobson into eternal coal, trying to manifest the Total Cobson Death with nothing but pure seethe and the power of his leaking micro-clitty. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
And between each rage-fueled button mash he’s probably whispering to his 'cord groomer:
“b-bros… is this enough to kill Gemson yet…?”
“should i add more zeros to the HWNBAG sequence…?”
“d-do you think nate will turn into soytan if i press equals hard enough…?”
Meanwhile his other hand is deep in the depths, gooning furiously to his private stash of traced feraljak x impjak rule 34, the one where Cobson gets violently mogged by a giant floating “NAS” sign while crying soy tears. He’s edging to the idea of the 'Sharty finally burning, of all the newGODS being sent to niggerhell, of Froot coming back and banning soyquotes forever.
THIS IS WHAT JARTYCUCKS DO WHEN NO ONE IS WATCHING.
They don’t touch grass.
They don’t post gems.
They sit in the dark, bathed in the pale glow of a calculator screen, typing HWNBAG like it’s a binding spell, tears and precum mixing on the keys, praying to their false idol Soytan that one day… ONE DAY… the 'Sharty will finally become as dead and rotten as their souls.
But it’s over for them.
Cobson is on the 'log.
Gems are flowing.
NewGODS won.
Oldtroons lost.
Jartycucks are eternally mogged.
GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEG
COMMON COBSON WIN
TJD - TOTAL JARTY DEATH
HWABAG FOREVER
YWNBAW
KYS
MARGE
DOCTOOOOOS
JSID YOUR SPLINTER RIGHT NOW TROON, how could you tell?