/soy/ - Soyjaks

Has anyone else ever come into contact with the 'jаk dealer? I don't know if he's still around, but one year ago he offered me his "exceedingly rare" 'jаks for free. He said to me that if you soyquote anyone with one, that person will immediately lose all hair on their heads, grow an unkempt layer of stubble, and become cripplingly addicted to Nintendo Switches and trаnny porn, and finally die within a week due to malnutrition from only drinking Soylent. He claimed to have ended the soyduelling careers of hundreds and fears his own 'jаks may one day end his life, so he blinded himself and keeps all of them locked inside a briefcase. No one knows what his 'jаks look like or how many of them he owns.