/soy/ - Soyjaks

I just suffered a panic attack and I need some help. I've never told anyone this before. I've been gender dysphoric my whole life but it really hasn't been that big of a deal, I just used basic willpower to stop myself from doing anything gay or feminine. I even got a wife and kids. But now I'm desperate. Twice in the last week I've had to close my office door, curl up in the fetal position, and clutch my genitals in pain. If I were to cross dress and get caught it would dishonor my family and my professional reputation. The only temporary way I can get relief is by masturbating, but it isnt working anymore, ive been jerking off 5 times a day and it's still too much to handle