/soy/ - Soyjaks

Islamic history be like:

Poohamed Al-Sharti defeats the Roman and Persian empires and establishes a caliphate stretching from Morocco to Pakistan in 1 month
He proceeds to impregnate 1 million slave wives over the next month and dies from sexual exhaustion
Succession crisis shatters the caliphate into 1 million smaller caliphates the next day
The pope takes advantage of the disarray to establish a kingdom under the rule of Frankish crusader pierre von poopoo
Turkic warlord Orky Gluk Gluk claims the mantle of the caliphate after single handedly cannibalizing 1 million Muslim peasants
Under Orkys command Muslims finally drive out Crusaders after 500 years
Orky dies of an infected penis after being hit with a poisoned arrow in the 69th battle of Jerusalem
His successor Suleiman the fat leaves ruling the caliphate to his African eunuchs while he became morbidly obese in his prison-castle
Glurgle dies of gout and rule is passed over to the son of one of his concubines
It is revealed that his son is actually the offspring of one of the African eunuchs the palace castrators forgot to geld
the caliphate collapses into a succession crisis for the next 500 years