/r9k/ - ROBOT9999

I kind of miss my ex, even if i'm in a new relationship. Sometimes i just get reminded of her, and i get some kind of feeling, it gnaws at me from the inside. My relationship with her wasn't anything special, and it kind of just lasted through out the summer. It was a situationship to be honest. I wasn't really treated that well. After she threw me away like yesterdays trash, we didin't talk for 2 months, and one day she reached out to me, sent me a friend request on instagram. I remember it vividly, i was playing l4d2, and my phone buzzed. I saw the notification, but at the same moment a tank spawned in. Both those things caused me to hyperventilate, and i think i almost fainted. For the next 3 weeks she really tried to crawl back in to my life, saying how she misses our friendgroup and all that. A little later she found out about my new girlfriend. That discouraged her a bit , but she continued to try and grab my attention anyway she could, and ultimately gave up once i blocked her on instagram after i couldn't take it anymore. Tho, to this day she still does weird things. I was playing a game, saw i had a spectator, and the only person online on my friend list was her ( i forgot to un-add her, and i did after ubsae what she was doing). Maybe a day later i saw her on the street. She did say hi but she looked really miserable. My friends and i do usually clown on her for the way she acts and what she does, but somewhere for what ever reason, i still care for her. A part of me still likes her.


Now, on to my current girlfriend. I don't think that i actually like her much. When i first met her (about a month and a half after i got dumped), she seemed cool, and after she eventually caught feelings and confessed, i kinda just thought "fuck it, we ball". I don't really want to break up with her tho, mostly because i'm her first boyfriend ever (no one probably liked her, because in the country i live in, people who are viewed as different get classified as retards). I don't want to hurt her, i really don't. Sometimes i think about what i feel towards her, and i kinda see some love but it's not enough to actually be happy in a relationship. I'm kind of waiting for her to break up with me. For the past month her temper got really bad. It's allways been like that but she never showed it before. I hate that i feel this way, i feel disgusting, and i don't know how i live like this. There's no purpose in doing this, and in the long run, i'll just hurt myself and her more.
What can i even do at this point ? I've been with her for about 4 months now, i'm in too deep, so there's not much i can do. And i don't even feel safe to tell this to any of my closest friends, and i have to resort to you people on the bald man with glasses website.