/r9k/ - ROBOT9999

cont.
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On a day to day basis, my mood is generally low, although it was far worse a few weeks ago. Back then, I would've described every day as a constant 3-4/10, with some moments that could be considered 5s or even 6s. Now, I would probably do the same, but I have merely learned to cope with the crushing burden of my mediocre life in a more sagacious manner. I believe that's a common form of life advice some people give: Your life will not get better, you will just learn to cope with it. Even still, I cannot shake the constant feeling of bitterness, resentment and, to an extent, fear, everywhere I go. I have people who would call themselves my friends, but really, I have very little in common with most of them. I find myself enduring their presence far, far more than I would ever consider appreciating it. After I graduate, I don't believe I will keep in contact with most of them, at least in any meaningful capacity. I have only two that I consider better than the rest, and part of the reason why I prefer them is because they emulate me in some way, or at the very least look up to me and agree with most of my political stances, though I make sure not too go too far off the deep end when discussing them. Neither are very acquainted with imageboards, although one of them does know a surface level amount about 4chan and soypoop.farty but rarely, if ever, lurks or even posts on either. I am thankful for this, since it means I can make this thread with minimal fear of it being discovered by anyone I know in real life. What they both have in common is that they are, and have been, for most of their lives, near the bottom of the "social hierarchy", among the first to be mocked and among the last to be picked in P.E class. Of the two, I would only really consider 1 a good companion, as the other is considerably autistic and very undersocialised to the point where conversations can be gruelling because of how deeply he doesn't understand social norms and two sided dialogues. I don't blame him, thoughbeit. What he had to endure in his childhood and adolescence would be enough to turn many people into school shooters or psychotic sadists, but his emotional resilience proved stronger than his subpar environment.
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I wish I were like that, in a sense, emotionally resilient. I am far too sensitive for my own good, and I have been ever since I was young, more than all of my male peers. It doesn't help that I have deathly pale skin that flares up at anything: be it a cold wind, physical exercise or the slightest humiliation, the last of which is unfortunately all too common. 2 weeks ago, I felt myself on the verge of tears because I had to read a paragraph in one of my language classes. This is not uncommon (that is, having to read out paragraphs of foreign text in class) but when speaking, I made more mistakes than usual, which I found to be absolutely mortifying in the moment. Throughout the whole ordeal, my face was bright red and my voice would not stop cracking and stuttering. When the humiliation ritual had finally ended, I could only stare at my feet for the next 5-10 minutes in shame and embarrassment. The worst part of it all was that the teacher took pity on me and asked if I needed to "step outside for a minute", which I knew to mean that she sensed my weakness and fear in all of its repulsiveness. I wanted to cry right there, and I could not bear to sit in the room, but I did not take her up on her offer. I instead endured, like I know I must do. I don't think I have any sort of mental disorder, but I know that this behaviour is unbecoming and deeply troubling for a recently-turned adult man. I must do something, but I don't know what to do.

(and before any of you call me a whiny midwit, I know my writing isn't impeccable. I hope to improve it in the future, or at the very least improve at something, anything, tangible or meaningful. o algo)

>>81497 (OP)
>>81500
Get to the point, pseud. If I analyze this from an amateur psychologist's perspective, then it can only be described as escapism. You look at others and you generalize, to obtain control because you have no control over your actual life, you avoid the consequences of becoming an adult. Who cares about your projections? Who's interested in da heckin shitskins other than your echo-chamber? Can you change anything about it? Rationalizing it won't help, in the end, you're the loser who wasted too much time seething bout da joooooz. It's truly pathetic.
I keep seeing this pattern of people following clittycel ideologies, in their mid 20s caring about anything but themselves. They are fat, neurodivergent, sexual deviant creeps and actual losers with no talent or achievements at all and then they ramble about some gypsy eating ”disgusting” food on the street. It’s usually very ideological because you can get everything under one hat, you can degrade easier thus giving you the “high ground”. Try to degrade yourself not others and then change, you might see that you will become less hateful and more merciful

>>>81497 (OP)
>>>81500
>Get to the point, pseud. If I analyze this from an amateur psychologist's perspective, then it can only be described as escapism. You look at others and you generalize, to obtain control because you have no control over your actual life, you avoid the consequences of becoming an adult. Who cares about your projections? Who's interested in da heckin shitskins other than your echo-chamber? Can you change anything about it? Rationalizing it won't help, in the end, you're the loser who wasted too much time seething bout da joooooz. It's truly pathetic.
>I keep seeing this pattern of people following clittycel ideologies, in their mid 20s caring about anything but themselves. They are fat, neurodivergent, sexual deviant creeps and actual losers with no talent or achievements at all and then they ramble about some gypsy eating ”disgusting” food on the street. It’s usually very ideological because you can get everything under one hat, you can degrade easier thus giving you the “high ground”. Try to degrade yourself not others and then change, you might see that you will become less hateful and more merciful
<
Xhe is right about that you appear to have zero control over your life. Idk what you and other undriven chuds should do about that. Maybe one day I will capitalize on all of you for my political goals and make the chudwaffen army o algo.

>>81500
>Throughout the whole ordeal, my face was bright red and my voice would not stop cracking and stuttering. When the humiliation ritual had finally ended, I could only stare at my feet for the next 5-10 minutes in shame and embarrassment.
>I wanted to cry right there, and I could not bear to sit in the room
i used to be like this, when i was 14 i had to come into school out of my regular homeschooling and i was shaking doing a math and english test. really the best you can do is not care- that may seem hard but just forget about whatever you are doing and act like everything is fine. im still an awkward nigger but im not shaking when talking to people anymore
>I must do something, but I don't know what to do.
find a way to get stressed and just endure it, you'll get used to it OR just start acting like everything is fine when you do

>>81497 (OP)
>I don't even watch the news, and by merely leaving my house, I am already subject to a horrifying display of societal rot, licentiousness and moral decay.
watching the news just makes me angry because all i will hear about is how my province is turning to shit because african niggers go around stabbing people for their shoes- turning once wholesome events into murder and rapefests
>Modern roasties are almost parodically evil and/or moronic in every way possible,
foids are retarded, i had one tell me Christianity allows rape of women (which is completely not true Deuteronomy 22:25-27) just because if you sleep around with someone you HAVE to marry them
>the birth rates of the European continent are low enough to be eclipsed by singular African countries, the youth of today are incapable of acquiring not just housing, but even temporary residency,
as a Canadian i will never be able to afford a house if the immigrants don't leave (the population has increased by 12% in the last 4 years mostly from chinks and indians, making houses cost MILLIONS for a rundown cheap one)
<
>I have found myself fantasizing about how I would righteously crush them, should I have the power to do so, even if that means I must meet my own end in the process.
we are living in THE most degenerate time in history- every other society has not had to deal with pornography and transgenderism.
>I imagined myself being killed in the name of Christ, enduring torture, but ultimately never renouncing my faith in God, just as the early martyrs and fathers of the Church did.
i'm surprised more people don't think this way- people are being murdered and raped by foreigners, children and being brainwashed to become troons and they show homosexual pornography in schools and no-one wants to do anything about it? THATS EVIL - THATS APATHETIC. by not doing anything they are encouraging and allowing this
>I feel as if my life is entirely devoid of purpose, meaning and ambition. I have absolutely no aspirations whatsoever
im usually too distracted or hurt by everything going on it the world to enjoy anything that isn't videogames or TV shows.

i don't want to live in a world where africans get to run around raping people without actual repercussions- or the fact that i won't get to keep the homeland my ancestors built because it will be completely overrun by a brown horde who will just destroy it like they did their previous country

>>81506
> Who's interested in da heckin shitskins other than your echo-chamber?
Maybe this is a bait reply, but if I were to respond as if you meant this earnestly, then I would say shitskins are an objective civilizational threat which directly impact me and my people in every facet of society. To close my eyes, put my fingers in my ears and deny the truth will not help me or anybody else. My opinion on if we can truly "do anything about it" is conflicted, but I want to think that we could. Believing that it's already over and conceding will do no good at all.
>Try to degrade yourself not others and then change, you might see that you will become less hateful and more merciful
Mercy is not an infinite resource that can be handed out freely to anyone and everyone at the same level. If you don't act with scrutiny when determining who you should and shouldn't be more or less merciful towards, you end up in the situation that the west currently is in. The "nice" thing to do is to let in a bunch of shitskins from their backwards mudhut rape nations to our countries, but it comes at the expense of the white natives who have to deal with their barbarism and immoral opportunism. The question "Should I give this person who is completely alien to my people, culture and nation anything at all?" shouldn't even arise unless every single white native of your country has been thoroughly accommodated for, for the good of themselves and the people, in every way possible.
>>81531
>im not shaking when talking to people anymore
It's good that you managed to curb that habit. I don't struggle with that specific problem myself, although in stressful social situations I succumb to fear as described in the OP.
>>81535
>foids are retarded, i had one tell me Christianity allows rape of women (which is completely not true Deuteronomy 22:25-27) just because if you sleep around with someone you HAVE to marry them
I've had an experience similar to this too, although not as egregious. It was a loudmouthed feminist whore arguing that all Christians are hypocrites because we eat shellfish and wear mixed fabrics, completely ignoring the threefold division of law in the OT (Ceremonial, civil and moral law) and how the command against mixing fabrics and the like is completely non-applicable to modern Christians. Granted, I don't think she was raised Christian or was really acquainted with the faith in any meaningful capacity, but you have to wonder what gives them the confidence to quite baselessly assert things of that nature.
>as a Canadian i will never be able to afford a house if the immigrants don't leave (the population has increased by 12% in the last 4 years mostly from chinks and indians, making houses cost MILLIONS for a rundown cheap one)
It really is a catastrophic phenomenon ravaging the west. Most young people are basically softlocked out of progressing in life (my life is like a videogamerino) because milestones like getting an apartment, a house, a car, a wife and a family become harder and harder by the year. The judeo-neoliberal ploy to replace whites with low IQ, mindless grunts who will work for pebbles and crumbs (which is the very best case scenario by the way, ignoring the fact that africans and arabs are the most likely groups to live on government welfare, rape, steal and murder) because muh heckin GDP and a desire to consolidate complete control is nothing short of pure evil.
>i'm surprised more people don't think this way- people are being murdered and raped by foreigners, children and being brainwashed to become troons and they show homosexual pornography in schools and no-one wants to do anything about it? THATS EVIL - THATS APATHETIC. by not doing anything they are encouraging and allowing this
Tsmt. Most people are so broken down physically, spiritually and mentally that they either don't see a problem with this or are too incapacitated and afraid to do anything. It's all orchestrated, of course. When your average normie's life revolves around football, marvel films, goyslop, petty drama and the latest FoTM shiny new thing, why would they care? "It doesn't affect me personally, bro." until it eventually does, and by then it's close to being too late.
>i don't want to live in a world where africans get to run around raping people without actual repercussions- or the fact that i won't get to keep the homeland my ancestors built because it will be completely overrun by a brown horde who will just destroy it like they did their previous country
Well put, o algo

strongest christcuck warrior

>I felt myself on the verge of tears because I had to read a paragraph in one of my language classes. This is not uncommon (that is, having to read out paragraphs of foreign text in class) but when speaking, I made more mistakes than usual, which I found to be absolutely mortifying in the moment. Throughout the whole ordeal, my face was bright red and my voice would not stop cracking and stuttering. When the humiliation ritual had finally ended, I could only stare at my feet for the next 5-10 minutes in shame and embarrassment. The worst part of it all was that the teacher took pity on me and asked if I needed to "step outside for a minute", which I knew to mean that she sensed my weakness and fear in all of its repulsiveness. I wanted to cry right there, and I could not bear to sit in the room, but I did not take her up on her offer. I instead endured, like I know I must do.
<You are this pathetic and yet your biggest worry is the poopskins
oh my god
please be bait
please be exquisite chudbait
you just hate the niggerskins so much to escape your own retardation
try to be less of a retard, then you can think of saving western society from the shitskins who you hate so much (post hand pic btw)
the frogbaitNIGGER is right, you just hyperfixate on these problems to hide from actually fixing yourself, because you think these problems are unfixable, and thus your problems are unfixable (they aren't)
no one here can help you but yourself, go out more, talk with people, lie to them, fake your personality if you need to, develop it if you cant, get a group of friends who you play vidya and hang out with

Sounds like someone needs to get laid

you probably are neurodivergent and mentally ill and recognising this will help u understand what ur next steps should be. idk try some online tests for different disorders and then look up the kind of therapies associated with the disorder(s) u have the u have the most symptoms of and train chadgpt or whatever ai chatbot to explain it to u and use it on u, u can also use a therapist for this but u prob will refuse cuz thats typical of ppl to do. If u rlly are as desperate for happiness as u seem here, then just try out therapy cuz u dont have anyhting to lose and as much as ppl hate to believe it, therapy does work if u want it to.

>>82009
Adding onto this, sometimes your misery and unhappiness is from within and blaming groups is a subconscious way for ur brain to rationalise ur feelings, but then that snowballs, making u even more miserable than the initial internal sadness. I'm assuming something(s) happened in ur childhood which left a mark and that mark combined with the neurodiversity created this pit of depression in ur adulthood.

>I am 18 years old, in my final year of second level education, and I feel as if my life is entirely devoid of purpose, meaning and ambition. I have absolutely no aspirations whatsoever and I haven't so much as given college a single, serious consideration. I do not have any "courses" I am interested in, nor trades, nor anything. I do the bare minimum work to get by in school, and, despite living a better life than at least 90% of the world's current inhabitants, I do not feel fulfilled or optimistic. I've known people who have tried to cope with the crushing burden of modernity in a multitude of ways, but the most embarrassing I've seen is the constant self affirmations and "positivity" that things are alright outside of the news and that you simply need to "go outside, bro". I don't even watch the news, and by merely leaving my house, I am already subject to a horrifying display of societal rot, licentiousness and moral decay. Modern roasties are almost parodically evil and/or moronic in every way possible, the birth rates of the European continent are low enough to be eclipsed by singular African countries, the youth of today are incapable of acquiring not just housing, but even temporary residency, through no fault of their own and they (I should say we, thoughever I have never worked a real job) are competing with foreign shitskins who will happily work longer hours for less money because they are such inhuman vermin that living in abject squalor, packed into filthy apartments like sardines is a living condition they view as acceptable.
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>That leads me to the next point: shitskins. Without going on an extensive diatribe, I will try my best to briefly articulate my absolute disgust for these hordes of lecherous vermin who so ruthlessly and ungratefully pick the bones of the decaying corpse that is western civilization and complain that there isn't enough meat for them to feed on. Almost every time I encounter one of their kin, I am dumbfounded by the fact that most normies somehow consider these creatures human. They are incompetent, ignorant, entitled and devoid of any emotion beyond the most primal human instincts. It's no surprise the jews and their shabbos goyim are so eager to import them into every western country, because they are, by and large, incapable of critical thinking or abiding by the socio-cultural norms of a high trust society. It feels cringe and childish to admit, but in recent years, I have found myself fantasizing about how I would righteously crush them, should I have the power to do so, even if that means I must meet my own end in the process. I think my first serious dreams of martyrdom came when I was 14, laying in bed on a school night, struggling to sleep. I imagined myself being killed in the name of Christ, enduring torture, but ultimately never renouncing my faith in God, just as the early martyrs and fathers of the Church did. The thought was excruciating, and something I would seriously never wish to endure, but the idea of having to go through only a few days, or even hours, of pain to be remembered for centuries to come, to have my face and name plastered on the banners of the brave young men fighting to reconquer Christendom, and to be accepted into the assembly of Heaven nullifies any embarrassment that may come from having been killed by the enemy instead of slaughtering them.

You whine so fucking much about how hard your life is yet you have the audacity to leak over da heckin shitskins, is xhis how leftists think chuds act?

Improve your life first to compete and beat the shitskins you're superior over, build influence and wealth to affect the enviornment aroubd you to enact what you see is best for society.
I wouldnt recommend leaking this hard with no joke or irony becaude quote is gonna give ur information and address to the fbi

i used to be like this before i went through my redpill hamza david goggins andrew tate phase. i've long since become blackpilled (or clearpilled perchance since i'm not really upset about my scaring the hoes away) but that grit & impunity & sassiness i developed remained with me, so i never end up having emotional breakdowns anymore due to my sheer and genuine contempt of my peers and how rude they think i am and how they think (or know) i'm basically dr house if he wasn't funny or clever. thus do i not really regret being a redpiller, despite how cringeworthy it may be. so what i'm getting at is you might want to look into redpill and try to manlymaxx