â„–81497[Quote]
I am 18 years old, in my final year of second level education, and I feel as if my life is entirely devoid of purpose, meaning and ambition. I have absolutely no aspirations whatsoever and I haven't so much as given college a single, serious consideration. I do not have any "courses" I am interested in, nor trades, nor anything. I do the bare minimum work to get by in school, and, despite living a better life than at least 90% of the world's current inhabitants, I do not feel fulfilled or optimistic. I've known people who have tried to cope with the crushing burden of modernity in a multitude of ways, but the most embarrassing I've seen is the constant self affirmations and "positivity" that things are alright outside of the news and that you simply need to "go outside, bro". I don't even watch the news, and by merely leaving my house, I am already subject to a horrifying display of societal rot, licentiousness and moral decay. Modern roasties are almost parodically evil and/or moronic in every way possible, the birth rates of the European continent are low enough to be eclipsed by singular African countries, the youth of today are incapable of acquiring not just housing, but even temporary residency, through no fault of their own and they (I should say we, thoughever I have never worked a real job) are competing with foreign shitskins who will happily work longer hours for less money because they are such inhuman vermin that living in abject squalor, packed into filthy apartments like sardines is a living condition they view as acceptable.
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That leads me to the next point: shitskins. Without going on an extensive diatribe, I will try my best to briefly articulate my absolute disgust for these hordes of lecherous vermin who so ruthlessly and ungratefully pick the bones of the decaying corpse that is western civilization and complain that there isn't enough meat for them to feed on. Almost every time I encounter one of their kin, I am dumbfounded by the fact that most normies somehow consider these creatures human. They are incompetent, ignorant, entitled and devoid of any emotion beyond the most primal human instincts. It's no surprise the jews and their shabbos goyim are so eager to import them into every western country, because they are, by and large, incapable of critical thinking or abiding by the socio-cultural norms of a high trust society. It feels cringe and childish to admit, but in recent years, I have found myself fantasizing about how I would righteously crush them, should I have the power to do so, even if that means I must meet my own end in the process. I think my first serious dreams of martyrdom came when I was 14, laying in bed on a school night, struggling to sleep. I imagined myself being killed in the name of Christ, enduring torture, but ultimately never renouncing my faith in God, just as the early martyrs and fathers of the Church did. The thought was excruciating, and something I would seriously never wish to endure, but the idea of having to go through only a few days, or even hours, of pain to be remembered for centuries to come, to have my face and name plastered on the banners of the brave young men fighting to reconquer Christendom, and to be accepted into the assembly of Heaven nullifies any embarrassment that may come from having been killed by the enemy instead of slaughtering them.
â„–81500[Quote]
cont.
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On a day to day basis, my mood is generally low, although it was far worse a few weeks ago. Back then, I would've described every day as a constant 3-4/10, with some moments that could be considered 5s or even 6s. Now, I would probably do the same, but I have merely learned to cope with the crushing burden of my mediocre life in a more sagacious manner. I believe that's a common form of life advice some people give: Your life will not get better, you will just learn to cope with it. Even still, I cannot shake the constant feeling of bitterness, resentment and, to an extent, fear, everywhere I go. I have people who would call themselves my friends, but really, I have very little in common with most of them. I find myself enduring their presence far, far more than I would ever consider appreciating it. After I graduate, I don't believe I will keep in contact with most of them, at least in any meaningful capacity. I have only two that I consider better than the rest, and part of the reason why I prefer them is because they emulate me in some way, or at the very least look up to me and agree with most of my political stances, though I make sure not too go too far off the deep end when discussing them. Neither are very acquainted with imageboards, although one of them does know a surface level amount about 4chan and soypoop.farty but rarely, if ever, lurks or even posts on either. I am thankful for this, since it means I can make this thread with minimal fear of it being discovered by anyone I know in real life. What they both have in common is that they are, and have been, for most of their lives, near the bottom of the "social hierarchy", among the first to be mocked and among the last to be picked in P.E class. Of the two, I would only really consider 1 a good companion, as the other is considerably autistic and very undersocialised to the point where conversations can be gruelling because of how deeply he doesn't understand social norms and two sided dialogues. I don't blame him, thoughbeit. What he had to endure in his childhood and adolescence would be enough to turn many people into school shooters or psychotic sadists, but his emotional resilience proved stronger than his subpar environment.
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I wish I were like that, in a sense, emotionally resilient. I am far too sensitive for my own good, and I have been ever since I was young, more than all of my male peers. It doesn't help that I have deathly pale skin that flares up at anything: be it a cold wind, physical exercise or the slightest humiliation, the last of which is unfortunately all too common. 2 weeks ago, I felt myself on the verge of tears because I had to read a paragraph in one of my language classes. This is not uncommon (that is, having to read out paragraphs of foreign text in class) but when speaking, I made more mistakes than usual, which I found to be absolutely mortifying in the moment. Throughout the whole ordeal, my face was bright red and my voice would not stop cracking and stuttering. When the humiliation ritual had finally ended, I could only stare at my feet for the next 5-10 minutes in shame and embarrassment. The worst part of it all was that the teacher took pity on me and asked if I needed to "step outside for a minute", which I knew to mean that she sensed my weakness and fear in all of its repulsiveness. I wanted to cry right there, and I could not bear to sit in the room, but I did not take her up on her offer. I instead endured, like I know I must do. I don't think I have any sort of mental disorder, but I know that this behaviour is unbecoming and deeply troubling for a recently-turned adult man. I must do something, but I don't know what to do.
(and before any of you call me a whiny midwit, I know my writing isn't impeccable. I hope to improve it in the future, or at the very least improve at something, anything, tangible or meaningful. o algo)
â„–81506[Quote]
>>81497 (OP)>>81500Get to the point, pseud. If I analyze this from an amateur psychologist's perspective, then it can only be described as escapism. You look at others and you generalize, to obtain control because you have no control over your actual life, you avoid the consequences of becoming an adult. Who cares about your projections? Who's interested in da heckin shitskins other than your echo-chamber? Can you change anything about it? Rationalizing it won't help, in the end, you're the loser who wasted too much time seething bout da joooooz. It's truly pathetic.
I keep seeing this pattern of people following clittycel ideologies, in their mid 20s caring about anything but themselves. They are fat, neurodivergent, sexual deviant creeps and actual losers with no talent or achievements at all and then they ramble about some gypsy eating ”disgusting” food on the street. It’s usually very ideological because you can get everything under one hat, you can degrade easier thus giving you the “high ground”. Try to degrade yourself not others and then change, you might see that you will become less hateful and more merciful
â„–81519[Quote]
>>>81497 (OP)
>>>81500
>Get to the point, pseud. If I analyze this from an amateur psychologist's perspective, then it can only be described as escapism. You look at others and you generalize, to obtain control because you have no control over your actual life, you avoid the consequences of becoming an adult. Who cares about your projections? Who's interested in da heckin shitskins other than your echo-chamber? Can you change anything about it? Rationalizing it won't help, in the end, you're the loser who wasted too much time seething bout da joooooz. It's truly pathetic.
>I keep seeing this pattern of people following clittycel ideologies, in their mid 20s caring about anything but themselves. They are fat, neurodivergent, sexual deviant creeps and actual losers with no talent or achievements at all and then they ramble about some gypsy eating ”disgusting” food on the street. It’s usually very ideological because you can get everything under one hat, you can degrade easier thus giving you the “high ground”. Try to degrade yourself not others and then change, you might see that you will become less hateful and more merciful
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Xhe is right about that you appear to have zero control over your life. Idk what you and other undriven chuds should do about that. Maybe one day I will capitalize on all of you for my political goals and make the chudwaffen army o algo.