â„–77838[Quote]
Schizoniggerbabble here. Hello ill introduce my problems and might even use this thread as a log/journal to track my daily progress. Jannies if you dont like this rnca, feel free to delete it. To anyone reading this, im a boring person and i tend to yap alot so i dont recommend. Mostly making this thread for myself.
I think im depressed. I hate most parts of myself but found this community comforting, I agree about most things that this community holds as values. Even before joining I knew all sorts of lgbt crap were mental illnesses, globalism and nihilist soyboy cuck ideologies need to be destroyed. Also I dislike 4cuck/'cord extremists who are pedos and nihilists, i dont like the censorship of the mainstream net also dont like the extremism of the anarchist side of the net so this is the perfect spot. Im also pretty lonely irl and I use the internet to not go insane being alone. I created previous threads about not wanting to quit but i just couldnt, i could only settle for using this in a healthy way. Anyway I think im depressed and a complete fuck up in life, the only cope is that im 16 so I have a little slither of time i can use to recover. And another problem I have is I feel like ill never belong here, im non-white, which is just one of the many things i hate myself for. My exact race is not important but im not black or brown but im not european at all, you dont even know my rnca ethinicity and i dont think chuds really hate us, but still im non white and feel excluded. Im a very fragile and sensitive person so when I see any racial hated against my people, i feel sad that im born this way and ill never be able to change it even if i work hard for it. I ruminate on this often, I like to imagine neo nazis or kkk members finding me and hanging me, im suicidal but getting murdered sounds like suicide without the shame part. I ruminate on such delusional thoughts often. But im trying to stop. Not just my race but other actual failures like me failing classes can also make me want to ack. I did many many horrible things for years while failing to be a Christian, im ashamed to even think about God knowing what I did but I felt his warmth, and ill try my best. Anyway for actual problems that affect my life, my actual life not imaginery bullshit like my race, i have low grades and close to having to apply to universities, I procrastinate extremely often probably due to dopamine issues and I feel exhausted. I have to work on some math and physics exercises and im dumb as rocks on those subjects but i will keep trying. Anyway, my goals are to stop self hating, be productive and get close to God. Sorry if this was rnca or too stupid, you can simply ask me to stop updating this thread. Its 5am now and I have a few hours to do my math exercises
â„–77840[Quote]
>>77838 (OP)What changed? I procrastinated and lived like a loser for years, how do I expect to change unless theres a difference?
There is a difference now, I finally understood my psychology, I really thought I can simply man up and beat my laziness with willpower not understanding I was depressed and having delusional thoughts. Now that I admitted the problem I actively put out solutions, now I feel much better. Now I can be produtive as well as knowing my problem and fixing it
â„–77842[Quote]
This reads like it was written by a 14yo who just discovered stupid ideologies
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>>77842thats why im avoiding politics and only focusing on my personal habits and actually working on myself
â„–77917[Quote]
Hey bro you’re gonna be okay. You sound very self aware and I’m sure you’re gonna be fine, even if things don’t seem that way right now. I don’t think there’s much of a reason to care for your race, I know this is le scary alt right website but there’s a lot of people that aren’t white (me included) so I think that as long as you’re not a retard people won’t care (and it doesn’t seem like you are to me, so you’re fine).
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School also sucked for me, I too can’t do math for shit but I managed to pass with base grades, and I think you can do it too. High school isn’t that serious and most teachers will just let you pass even if you’re lacking in a couple of subjects (might depend on your country doe, idk how strict they are). It’s ok. Grades in high school don’t mean anything anyway.
<
You VVILL love yourself, you VVILL get productive, you VVILL get close to god, but most importantly you VVILL keep living. You’re not alone, I mean it. I struggle with most of the things you wrote about
Good luck ‘teen
â„–77931[Quote]
>>77917Thank you. I know that my race doesn't really matter in reality, and it's a non-problem. But I heard depression warps reality and makes people ruminate and obsess over tiny issues or issues which dont matter. I should be stressing over real problems like laziness and low grades, not some nonsense.
>Grades in high school don’t mean anything anyway. I still have to try so I can prove to myself that I can accomplish the goals I set out to accomplish. High school grades are such an easy thing to be good at compared to real-life challenges. Its straight forward and simple, do schoolwork and study for exams.
>You VVILL love yourself, you VVILL get productive, you VVILL get close to god, but most importantly, you VVILL keep living. You’re not alone, I mean it. I struggle with most of the things you wrote aboutI hope the same things for you. God bless you
For the journal thing, today was good. I didn't do anything productive extensively, but I went to my math practice and had to use my brain a bit, so its atleast something. At the same time, i didnt have ruminating negative thoughts or any engagement in sinful stuff, so it feels good. I wasnt really productive today because i didnt sleep for about 2 days but now im gonna go to sleep since my sleep schedule is now reset and healthy from today.
â„–78028[Quote]
>>77838 (OP)is it okay to use this thread as a journal for myself? If anyone doenst want this, I can simply stop replying and let this die out. Today was a typical shitty day, I spent all of time doomscrolling and now its time to sleep, laziness is my biggest problem, it leaves you feeling confused and guilty and you scroll even more stuck in a loop
â„–78029[Quote]
>>78028not sure if i can offer any advice, but i think it's fine if you use it as a journal. it's your thread after all
â„–78030[Quote]
>>78029well im just talking about the board, my thread might be some rnca nuisance or something
â„–78032[Quote]
>>78030i'm not personally bothered by it
â„–78058[Quote]
>>77838 (OP)for my background, i grew up and live in some rnca post soviet churkastan ВСЖ country. Rampant corruption, alcoholism, violence, local wannabe putin with his oligarchs, endurance and tolerance of suffering and a weirdly homo obsession with gay hazing and abuse. If I was born in eastern europe ill atleast be white but I live in the worst of 2 worlds, swarthiness of the 3rd world and the depression of the post soviet space. Being non-white means we're less developed than what westerners consider shitholes like moldova,belarus and russia, we're actually poorer. I notice non-whiteness everyday, i see wannabe niggers screaming and shouting with complete unawareness about how annoying they are, nigger tier addiction and violence with alcohol and general stupidity. I cant help but hate my nation like a cuck for foreigners. Is there anyway i can change this way of thinking or accept the objective reality that my people are retarded and inferior? I will also have to serve in the army for 1 year to be beaten around and shown what country i live in and what my place is as a common peasant, ive heard of brutal and sometimes even gay hazing so I will try my best to prevent going to the army
â„–78061[Quote]
>>78058as im writing this, its during the middle of night, and i heard some drunk screaming and beating his gf, he was incredibly loud too.
Personally as i said i was lazy today, but tommorow is another opportunity to retry. The guy is still at it, i hear loud banging and screaming
â„–78174[Quote]
>im non-white
im sorry for your loss OP
>Even before joining I knew all sorts of lgbt crap were mental illnesses, globalism and nihilist soyboy cuck ideologies need to be destroyed
honorary hitler status o algo. . .
>Anyway I think im depressed and a complete fuck up in life, the only cope is that im 16 so I have a little slither of time i can use to recover.
it isn't over goy, you'll find your way. just try to find ways to not be a terminally online nigger. making cash also helps
>I did many many horrible things for years while failing to be a Christian, im ashamed to even think about God knowing what I did but I felt his warmth
try not to be too hard on yourself, there was only one man without sin. just don't keep being retarded and you can repent
chud. it isn't hardly over. you can give up when you have a norwood 3 and are 30 years old- just imagine what you have to do in life- think like goy cattle for a moment, the goy wants to see the world and do things and NOT contemplate jewish world-hegemony on literalwho imageboards. best i can say is try to better yourself in some way that can get you confident enough to not feel like a retard or something so you can actually have a life. i say this as a depressed chud myself