/r9k/ - ROBOT9999

Im 17, i never had a girlfriend or anything like that, only a date with a girl that obly wanted me because she was depressed and also lied to me a lot. We dont talk anymore

Ive always feel bad about myself, and honestly I gotta say I hate myself, and I hate most other people too. I hate a lot of stuff, I hate woke gay sensitive fags, I hate ghetto stupid niggas that make me feel ashamed of being a mulatto mutt who will be seen as a subhuman nigger by others everywhere I go, I hate used up roasties. I hate a lot of shit, but I suck it up.

Since I entered my teenage years (fuck this stupid nigger chud life) I always felt outcasted, I didnt fit anywhere, everywhere I go people made fun of me, girls never really liked me and I was pathetic, felt pathetic, unadequate and undesirable, because I was fat, brown and a awkard nerd who is also probably autistic. Im not fat anymore thanks to puberty but I still feel like shit about myself and genuinely think about ending this shit.

What else can I say? I feel resentment to women, especially those who are used-up and deny it, they say i am a misogynist and a incel for not wanting to kiss a roastie who already gave herself to dudes that would be the exact kind to brush it off in my face the fact that I "dont get any" because I like this and that and because im like this and that, fuck that shit and fuck these fucking sluts. And you know what? So what if im an incel? So what im a misogynist pig? So fucking what? I would still be clowned by everyone and ignored and seen as a beta weirdo by girls even if i was a bluepilled white knight and a simp and a cuck, its all the same in the end.

Honestly, I told myself that if i reached 20 and never got anything I would just give up and accept that I'm just too whatever to date, my parents will probably keep asking me as they dont get my situation cuz they did get laid at my age and will not understand what it feels like, probably someone will think im gay, but whatever.

Fuck my nigger life.

I doubt things would really change

I would not call a hotline, there are people with actual problems and that have the balls to actually kill themselves, something I dont have. I doubt the dudes at the hotline need to waste their time with some edgy kid who is angry at girls, thats what they will probably think of me.

Also, I refrain to talk about any of my mental or emotional shit with my parents, they dont care, or at least willfully ignore it. They say im a crybaby who has it all and has no right to feel bad. I actually tried to discuss it several times with my mom and BEGGED her to take me to therapy, I dont even try with my father because he already talks shit about me every time he can, saying im a lazy bum who complains too much, not worth the effort.

I dont really feel comfortable being actually honest with this with my friends, at least not most of them, only one and its because hes older and is studying to be a psychologist.

I wish I could go to therapy but I cant, my parents dont care and even if I went independent i would probably could not get it cuz mental healthcare in my country sucks and the decent shrinks are fucking expensive, meanwhile the public ones are completely ass

I also dont really have much hope for my future

My parents are right, I had it all, good education, lots of resources and proudly middle class. But Im a fucking bum.

I dont do bad in school (if you ignore math where I usually get around 70-something/100) and teachers see me as a good student (some even say excellent) because I like stuff like history and politics a lot and tend to explain some concepts in class, but I dont see myself as a genius, in fact I doubt sometimes that my IQ reaches 90 because im still a mulatto nigger from the caribbean in the end i guess. But my mom thinks im a genius and sometimes i feel like im already a loser and because of how i am, my adulthood will be pretty shitty if i dont end up dissappearing and blowing my brains out.

I dont have discipline, i cant say i excel at anything and i don't have any accomplishments i consider real or even really deserved. I cant do my best because I genuinely dont know how, I always dissapoint myself and others, thats why my parents dont really trust me and I dont blame them even if it makes me sad and pissed off, I wish i was born as a japanese kid with a good education system and that i had actually learned how to put minimal effort into stuff, maybe I wouldnt be like this, but i ended up being a lazy nigger who cant accomplish anything. Adult life will eat me up and rape my ass.

But whatever, men kill themselves a lot anyways I would just be another one if i did, my parents have already another child each one so its not like it would be a great loss, even though im the first kid geg