/r9k/ - ROBOT9999

I have problem with being lonely and I discovered radicalized groups to fill that void. I dont interact with people because of my trauma bring ignored and strict parenting, I grew up with internet and my parents didnt care about me, they just gave me other things but not being loved.My parents are divorced so i live with my mom. As time passed(I am 18 in college) I felt more social isolation, I didnt have friends in school before and it was small interactions because I thought they are too normie and boring. After school I went to college and its my first year of college, and I just feel lonely and I think nobody understands me and my mental problems. I tried to fill that void with being interested in radical groups and my mental health went down further making me more emotional and anrgy that when I went outside I just avoided any interactions or eye contact - only hate, but after being dissapointed in these groups I completely went on nihilistic mode. I started being apathetic and now its harder for me to do something because I simply dont care, even my assignment I started procrastinating and passing in at the day of deadline and playing games or doing nothing every day. Can someone give me and advice or words how to handle this situation (Sorry for My ESL english, I came to america 3 years ago aka at 2022 from post soviet country. And yes, I am not slavic, I try to assimilate but it sometimes hard when You remember you past times being in my post soviet country, Also I forgot yo mention I have OCD aka germophobia and my hands sometimes are fucked up because I extensivly wash it with soap so I need to use hand lotion/cream)