/r9k/ - ROBOT9999

im not sure if many r9kteens can relate, but i think a lot of my lack of social success and status is, to an extent, self imposed. i have been given opportunities to "ascend" in terms of status per se, but i almost always turn them down, because i dont see the costs outweighing the benefits.
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for example, recently, a (chad) classmate of mine hosted a party with upwards of 80 people in attendance. virtually everybody hes ever went to school with or been acquainted with, except for the most autistic, socially inept aryan beasts managed to receive an invite. though (You) might assume i am one of these autists judging by the fact im leaking about my life on this board, im not. while i am unattractive and a little awkward, i am fully neurotypical. i actually was offered the opportunity to go by my friend's friend that was on good terms with the host and said he could "try and get me in", but i declined. i dont care about the rampant, unrestrained hedonism and sterile socialization that happens at those sort of events. i spent the whole night alone playing postal and browsing poopjak.farty, which is the exact same thing i did instead of attending my school's dance last year. the day after, when i made the mistake of opening instagram (i only use it to talk to my normie friends if that matters), i was bombarded with photos of these normalniggers in their halloween costumes, drinks in hand and with smiles on their faces.
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i know this is going to sound pretty retarded, but i felt a sort of temporary superiority to everybody i saw in these pictures. these people, every single one of them, said yes to attending this gathering, to shuffle around a dark house until the small hours of the morning getting inebriated, listening to the top 20 nigger rap hits of the year on loop, wearing their unoriginal, half assed costumes, all smiling despite secretly despising one another, all for the sake of raising their social standing in the eyes of their similarly minded, opportunistic peers. i was given this same choice and rejected it so that i could argue about nuvariants and politics on imageboards instead. from what ive observed, the easiest way to increase social status without being physically attractive for anybody under the age of 20 (and maybe over the age of 20, im not that ancient yet), is to just become physically violent and intimidating, a hypersocial junkie or both. while it won't guarantee you positive attention from foids, it will make you a more appealing individual in the eyes of most normgroids. where i live, its quite easy to get alcohol, weed and other prohibited things while being underage, nearly as easy as it is for a legal adult to acquire, so it was never an issue of "not being able to" when i was younger. ive been offered niggerweed by normie friends and random people multiple times, and each time i said no, even when they insisted, so its been an active choice to avoid it on my end. i could probably be one of them, one of the people attending these parties, listening to normie rap music, dressing in identically distasteful clothes, inhaling ecigarettes, drinking vodka, spitting on those beneath me, but i dont want to, and i dont think i ever will.
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in terms of relationships, i went out one on one with a foid before, a few months ago, which i made a blogpost about on here too (geg). the summary is, i was pretty awkward (obviously) and couldn't read many of the cues i think she was expecting me to pick up on, i wasnt assertive enough (or at all, really) and i started telling her about the fact that teachers used to think i was physically impaired when i was younger for some reason. i was acting in such a way that anybody who isnt at least HTN+ would have no chance of getting away with without giving the female party "the ick" (i despise that chinktok term but i cant think of another phrase). i am pretty average in terms of inhibition around men, maybe slightly on the higher end, but around foids its completely through the roof. i am terrified to put my hands anywhere near them, i fake laugh after every sentence and my face turns red at the slightest provocation (though this is just a general problem i have). i struggle to hold eye contact usually and conversations are incredibly stilted and rarely go past 3 sentences, or in most cases, 3 words. its a good thing i have a low romantic drive, and only get lonely or feel romantic desire maybe once every 2-4 weeks, but i would be lying if i were to say that even if i didnt have this low romantic drive, i would be successful with foids. i have never kissed or had sex with a girl, i am physically unattractive, and the girl who i went out with that one time felt bad for me. we never went out again after that. sometimes i still do think about her thoughbeit
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im going to end this blogpost now because its already far too long and convoluted. TLDR: normie life le bad or something and (You) WILL reject it because i say so