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№23389[Quote]
>>23366>>23368>>23370>>23371>>23372>>23373Having to be a "chosen one" to wield the power of Thrembo is a good idea on paper, it adds a nice element of personal discovery and morals to the power of Thrembo, but it completely destroys all the lore I've tried to set up. There's a reason I moved away from that, it conflicts with he obsession it curses upon those who possess knowledge of it's digits (a.k.a. someone who is gaining it's power.) The whole reason The Organization does what it does is because Admin 6 has been cursed by Thrembo, that's why he's turned to a monster. If he knew only "the chosen one" could have Thrembo, he would just kill himself because he would never get it. They don't want Nate alive because of his power, they want him dead because of his power. 'Plier is trying to kill Nate because Admin 6 knows he is going to figure out all of Thrembo and be unstoppable. The reason Nate isn't a monster is because Admin 6 only went crazy because he has been figuring out Thrembo as it's being calculated, so its a longer wait. Nate learned it all in one swoop, only leading to minor addiction. The entirety of The Organization's motives are because of Admin 6's addiction and insanity over Thrembo.
№23390[Quote]
>>23389And also the whole "capturing soyteens" thing seemed so illogical and convoluted. Why would only soyteens have the power of Thrembo within them?
>For the Jartycucks instead of them being racist caricatures we could lean more into them literally being turned into brimstone, like the soy creepypastas. As in they failed to properly understand/connect to Thrembo so they where charred black and left souless and hollow.I like this, but we can reframe it into my version of the lore. Perhaps to test the powers of Thrembo soon after they first found it, they started testing on patients, turning them, as you said, into brimstone.
>Either way weve already decided that they are behind the kidnappings and that they are trying to find ThremboThese are unrelated. Thrembo is simply a long ass number than needs to be calculated to its last digit to assume it's full power. They kidnapped Nate and his friends to let him rot in the Soysylum so Thrembo would never get out. In my first plot-synopsis, I called it a "soy black site."
№23391[Quote]
>>23390>But i think we could make Thrembe be an inherent thing to Nate, since he is ’chosen’ maybe he already has the power deep within himself and figuring out Thrembo simply awakes it. This could mean that Admin 6 can’t become Thrembo without the power being harnessed via Nate.If this is the case, why wouldn't 'Plier take Nate directly to Admin 6?
>I think its sort of a thing where Nate is destined to find Thrembo because hes pure of heart o algo, the reason why 6 and everyone else has failed at finding it is because they are looking for it with selfish reasons. Nate on the other hand unlock it by trying to protect his friends.I feel like there's a way we could work this in, but it would be useless plot wise, imho
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Read my unfinished long plot summary for more lore info if you need it and also look farther back in the thread
№23393[Quote]
>>23388It's not dramatic enough for this kind of movie imo. it was settled before my time that the movie was to incorporate more of the high-concept aspects of soy culture, not just characters.
№23398[Quote]
>>23389>>23390I should rephrase, by "chosen" I didnt mean that Nate and only Nate is prophesied to figure out Thrembo&become the Admin; I meant as in Nate, who has great potential, must live up to the legends of the young heroes who save the world from great evil. Im still working off of the potential openings discussed(the asylum already has Nate birth certificate, Nate dreams of the old Admins,ect.) I dont know what has all been ruled out by your writings.
>Why would only soyteens have the power of Thrembo within themThat was going off of the old plot line that the asylum had been aware of Nate for some time and where capturing guys that matched his description, that was also the original reason they abducted chud&troon, which I would assume is still in your script?
>'Plier take Nate directly to Admin 6I thought they where geg, before the transport truck/van crashes. But I guess you just explained what the asylums intentions are with Nate.
>I feel like there's a way we could work this in, but it would be useless plot wise, imhoIts fine if we dont, but when Ive mentioned it in the past you guys have seemed in agreement. Whatever genre this film has shaped into its still about a guy and his friends fighting a larger malicious entity.
№23399[Quote]
>>23388I think this concept has a lot of potential as its own project, I like the idea of a comedy that just focuses around Sharty characters. If you ever start seriously working on it I would be interested in helping out in some way. This sort of idea will be hard to do doe, many have tried before without finishing anything. It would probably have to be drawn animation.
№23402[Quote]
>>21729 (OP)geminigen locked video generation down to 10 seconds max so we can't use the third party sora API slut anymore and we must submit to sam altman again
№23403[Quote]
>>23386>>23388I think this could be it’s own thing entirely, but it’s up to you to decide.
>>23389 >Having to be a "chosen one" to wield the power of Thrembo is a good idea on paper, it adds a nice element of personal discovery and morals to the power of Thrembo, but it completely destroys all the lore I've tried to set up. There's a reason I moved away from that, it conflicts with he obsession it curses upon those who possess knowledge of it's digits (a.k.a. someone who is gaining it's power.) The whole reason The Organization does what it does is because Admin 6 has been cursed by ThremboI did say in my post that Soynematographer’s idea was different than yours. The whole thing about Admin 6 harnessing the power from Nate is probably a bit stupid. I think we should go with Admin 6 still being able to become Thrembo, but maybe he struggles to control the powers because of his evil intentions. There’s one thing im a bit confused about though, you said that ’plier wants to kill Nate. If that’s his goal why doesn’t he just do it when they raid the house? It would be easy for him to cover it up since he has that memory wiping device.
>>23390I also really like the concept of the jartycucks being make of brimstone, maybe this could mean that Admin 6 also is made of brimstone to some extent because of the curse of Thrembo
>>23391>If this is the case, why wouldn't 'Plier take Nate directly to Admin 6?The idea was that they would first experiment on him in the Soysylum to extract the power or whatever, but i kinda dropped this idea.
>>23398I think we’re all starting to come closer to a more final agreement on the plot. You guys seem to mostly respect and accept eachother’s ideas, and i do too.
>I thought they where geg, before the transport truck/van crashes. But I guess you just explained what the asylums intentions are with NateI originally thought the reason why they get abducted was because Admin 6 simply can’t let anybody but himself and other members of the organization know about the existence of Thrembo, because of them using soy to make the global population oblivious of it. Maybe this still applies?
I think this would explain why they also abduct Chud and Troonella.
№23406[Quote]
>>23403>The whole thing about Admin 6 harnessing the power from Nate is probably a bit stupidYes it would be. I thought that we had already all agreed on Nate having to find Thrembo as the story progresses and things become more serious.
Whatever we decide on plier cannot be actively trying to kill the heroes until the asylum goes to hell, otherwise there is no reason for him to abduct and bring them there.
№23407[Quote]
>>23406If the part where Nate briefly becomes Thrembo in the soysylum is kept, that should be the moment where Admin 6/the organization decide that they must kill him before he fully transforms
№23408[Quote]
>>23407I think when he does transform it should be towards the end when he needs to defeat 6, but yeah when he starts showing signs of potentially turning into Thrembo then they should start trying to kill him.
In Screenwriters script Plier lets the inmates out, maybe there would be tension between him and the scientists for this? I imagine Plier would want to kill Nate from the very start, but the scientists want to keep him alive, until it becomes clear that Nate is potentially a serious threat to them
№23413[Quote]
>>23398>I meant as in Nate, who has great potential, must live up to the legends of the young heroes who save the world from great evil.This technically was my idea, but I put more focus on Nate 'maturing' rather than his transformation into a hero. This could work if well integrated.
>the asylum already has Nate birth certificateI think its a bad idea for The Organization to directly seek Nate, or people like him, out. It conveys a more supernatural and prophetic tone and makes the scope much wider than it needs to be. Instead of just trying to calculate Thrembo, they're trying to find it, and it recontextualizes alot about The Organization that ultimately diminishes the main points: That Thrembo is an incredibly long number than can be calculated, and when fully calculated brings ultimate power, and that soy is used to brainwash and pacify the human race so they aren't in competition for Thrembo's power.
>that was also the original reason they abducted chud&troon, which I would assume is still in your script?No, its a different reason that ties into the rest of the lore.
№23414[Quote]
>>23403>I think we should go with Admin 6 still being able to become Thrembo, but maybe he struggles to control the powers because of his evil intentions.I'm still not a huge fan of access to the power of Thrembo being tied with fate and character, but if we must compromise, this is fine. However, if this is what the whole 'Thrembo tied with morals' aspect gets boiled down to, what's even the point of keeping it? It just makes things more complicated while providing very little.
>If that’s his goal why doesn’t he just do it when they raid the house?Correction: 'Plier (but really Admin 6 since 'Plier and his gang are just mindless goons at his whim) wants to kill Nate AFTER Nate connects with Soyberg and they start to execute their plan to take down The Organization. Before then, his plan was to interrogate Nate and his friends, since they would obviously have questions on how much Nate and his friends actually know and how the info leaked in the first place. It would be a good idea to have some sort of scene where its shown that 'Plier knows about Soyberg's plan with Nate, and his creation of the thread at the beginning of the movie. After this, he now he realizes that Nate knows too much, and all they can do now is kill him as damage control. I also had an idea for an alternate beginning to ACT 2 where 'Plier interrogates them and desperately tries to convert Nate into believing in the "goodness" of The Organization, like the end of 1984 or something.
>The idea was that they would first experiment on him in the Soysylum to extract the power or whatever, but i kinda dropped this idea. I feel like, pacing wise, this would be a little underwhelming and disrupt the elevation of plot events. Almost every plot beat should up the stakes somehow.
>I originally thought the reason why they get abducted was because Admin 6 simply can’t let anybody but himself and other members of the organization know about the existence of Thrembo, because of them using soy to make the global population oblivious of it.This is still the case in my head.
>Whatever we decide on plier cannot be actively trying to kill the heroes until the asylum goes to hell, otherwise there is no reason for him to abduct and bring them there.TSMT except trying to kill the heroes is why the asylum goes to hell.
>If the part where Nate briefly becomes Thrembo in the soysylum is kept, that should be the moment where Admin 6/the organization decide that they must kill him before he fully transformsCould be a good way to show 'Plier's change in motivation.
№23415[Quote]
A FEW CLARIFICATIONS AND EXPLANATIONS
>1. Starting from different plot revisions.
I think the reason we've gotten so confused is because I was basing everything off my revision of the plot and beat sheet, while you two were basing your ideas of the plot around the old revision, while incorporating a few newer elements. It seems like you were applying my beat sheet to the old lore for some reason? Either way, this is way too unorganized, and we have drastically different ideas. It's so hard to explain and read anything just by loosely sharing things in the thread.
I propose we each make a proposal based off what we've discussed, share it, and choose the best. Maybe when they're done we can merge the ideas in them together if they are drastically different. Either way, I'm working on a lore page to explain my perspective and ideas.
>2. Agent 'Plier's Will
Agent 'Plier really does not have free will. Every act and pursuit of his is in the name of The Organization. Like I said, he is basically a personification of Admin 6's orders.
>3. What is Thrembo?
To quote my first beat sheet, "Soyberg explains that much like how computers are never truly random, reality isn’t either. The complete value of Thrembo is the value that all supposed “randomness” is based off of. With it you can calculate the probabilities of anything, including your own luck. Knowing it grants omnipotence; awareness of all truths in the universe. But Thrembo also has a curse: the more digits you comprehend, the more you crave the rest, until the temptation drives you mad. This is why Nate has become obsessed, slipping into trances. However, once you know all of Thrembo, the madness goes away." To add, the reason Admin 6 is way more mad than Nate is because his cravings for Thrembo have lasted way longer, from when it was first discovered up to the events of the movie. This is the final, fleshed out lore for Thrembo in my plot.
>4. The History of The Organization
From the aforementioned sheet, "Their research started when soy was discovered in minerals mined from a site in Sweden, near where The Organization is headquartered. Initially trying to deduce the abilities and practical uses for soy, it later became the cover for a more devious project, Thrembo, which was discovered by Soyberg himself. They later found out soy could be used to pacify people by use as an ingredient in food, ensuring Thrembo remained known only to Admin 6."
>5. Wait, so why don't they just kill Nate, again?
Again, "'your newfound obsession with Thrembo.' 'How do you know about that?' Nate snaps. 'You don’t think we were watching you, Nate? We can do everything but read minds,' Soystein replies. 'That’s the point of this little interrogation, to fill in the gaps of our knowledge. Your internet activity suggests you know very little, correct?'"
№23435[Quote]
>>23413>This technically was my idea, but I put more focus on Nate 'maturing' rather than his transformation into a hero. This could work if well integrated.Both of these ideas are pretty similar, so it doesn’t really matter to me which one we pick, or if we combine them
>I think its a bad idea for The Organization to directly seek Nate, or people like him, out. It conveys a more supernatural and prophetic tone and makes the scope much wider than it needs to be.I don’t think they should seek him out because of him being destined to find thrembo or anything like that. The organization most likely has some kind of mass surveillance so they would probably see him scribbling the digits of Thrembo and maybe know of the thread. I think the main reason should simply be because they suspect/know that he’s close to figuring it out.
>Instead of just trying to calculate Thrembo, they're trying to find itI should have clarified, i don’t think Thrembo should be ”found”, it should be calculated
№23436[Quote]
>>23414>I'm still not a huge fan of access to the power of Thrembo being tied with fate and character, but if we must compromise, this is fine. However, if this is what the whole 'Thrembo tied with morals' aspect gets boiled down to, what's even the point of keeping it? It just makes things more complicated while providing very littleI’m willing to compromise too. I don’t think we have to tie Thrembo to morals, but i think it would have been an interesting idea. On Thrembo affecting Admin 6 and Nate differently, i think this can be explained by 6 slowly figuring it out over the course of years or decades as it was being calculated and being ’cursed’ in the process, and Nate figuring out most of it in one go. You did say that Admin 6 got cursed by it and Nate wasn’t because of him figuring most of it out at once. But i doubt there’s much need to discuss this since 6 most likely won’t become Admin Thrembo, unless we decide that somehow both of them figure out Thrembo.
>Plier (but really Admin 6 since 'Plier and his gang are just mindless goons at his whim) wants to kill Nate AFTER Nate connects with Soyberg and they start to execute their plan to take down The Organization. Before then, his plan was to interrogate Nate and his friends, since they would obviously have questions on how much Nate and his friends actually know and how the info leaked in the first place. It would be a good idea to have some sort of scene where its shown that 'Plier knows about Soyberg's plan with Nate, and his creation of the thread at the beginning of the movieThis is what i Was thinking should happen. I also saw ’Plier as just a mouthpiece of Admin 6
>I feel like, pacing wise, this would be a little underwhelming and disrupt the elevation of plot eventsI wasn’t really considering this idea in the first place
№23437[Quote]
>>23415Soynematographer definetly takes a lot of his ideas from the old versions. I’m not opposed to that, but this is a new start and we should think forward and come up with new ideas.
>I propose we each make a proposal based off what we've discussed, share it, and choose the best. Maybe when they're done we can merge the ideas in them together if they are drastically different. Either way, I'm working on a lore page to explain my perspective and ideasI really like this idea, but i think we first need to structure the broad events like Soynematographer said so we have a better idea on the structure of the plot to follow when making the proposals.
See
>>23308Thanks for clarifying some stuff btw, i understand your ideas and all.
№23438[Quote]
>>23436Something that hasent been acknowledged in a while is Admin 6's power, or rather that he is ADMIN 6. The easiest explanation is that he has tried to gain strength and power from Thrembo before fully calculating it, and to some extent it has worked- but at a price. Its like the early usage of nuclear energy, Thrembo has made him more powerful than an average human, but it has started tearing away and decaying his physical being because he does not have proper control or understanding over it. This whole thing perfectly feels like commentary on the pursuit of science and political power, corrupted by the unchecked greed and narcissism of man. In truth he is still something close to an Admin, but a twisted one of his own interpretation, like a man who declares himself king and through that grows a large mass of followers- but is still unable to take over the kingdom. Thrembo has turned him into something terrifying, something that is capable of taking over the world but unable to fully reach his own true goal. Thats where Nate is able to defeat him. We have focused so much on his short-comings and failure that we have forgotten that before the end he is still the closest one to becoming a true Admin. He is the shadows in the corner and the cold wind on your neck, the true evil behind all that has happened. Before Nate is forced to confront him he has likely never been directly opposed before.
I hope these realizations amount to something
№23441[Quote]
>>23438Will forced memes like spadeson, HTSM and incredible gassy be in the movie
№23442[Quote]
>>23441No.. the main characters are Nate, Chud and Troonella.
№23443[Quote]
>>23438We should definetly expand on these ideas. Admin 6 will probably be one of the most complex, if not the most complex character in the film, so his lore will take some time to be finalized. There aren’t even any actual character profiles of Chud and Troonella yet(i think Nuscreenwriter is working on it)
Personally, i think we should do this:
>>23308 before we move on to more complicated matters.
№23444[Quote]
>>23441No, atleast not gassy, the other ones are VERY unlikely
№23453[Quote]
>>23437>we first need to structure the broad events like Soynematographer said so we have a better idea on the structure of the plot to follow when making the proposals.Didn't I already do this? When I asked about why you were leaning so hard into my ideas, including the beats in
>>22793, you said because it was still useful. That's why all my ideas have been building off of that specific beat sheet and realm of related ideas.
Are we currently ditching this, slightly altering this (like I proposed doing with ACT 3), or just mutually agreeing on everything?
№23454[Quote]
>>23438>The easiest explanation is that he has tried to gain strength and power from Thrembo before fully calculating it, and to some extent it has worked- but at a price.My original idea is simpler: His obsession with Thrembo due to it's has turned him into a supernatural monster. That's it. It doesn't make a whole lot of sense, but I just assumed if we trucked along in the plot without mentioning or trying to explain it, the audience would just pick this up -or not even think about it.
>This whole thing perfectly feels like commentary on the pursuit of science and political power, corrupted by the unchecked greed and narcissism of man. Heh heh, yeah, that was totally intentional or something, geg.
>I hope these realizations amount to somethingI hope these realizations amount to something to flesh out ACT 3.
Anyway, yeah I completely agree. Good ideas all around. Makes Admin 6 really make more sense.
№23459[Quote]
>>23453>Are we currently ditching this, slightly altering this (like I proposed doing with ACT 3), or just mutually agreeing on everythingNo, we’re not ditching anything major. I don’t think really mutually agreed yet, just on paper. I think we just need to be certain about which locations the characters will be in and in what order, which we basically are, but we need a final ”unbreakable” agreement on it, then all of the locations could be written down somewhere. And about act 3, isn’t it still mostly just a blank slate?
№23460[Quote]
>My original idea is simpler: His obsession with Thrembo due to it's has turned him into a supernatural monster. That's it. It doesn't make a whole lot of sense, but I just assumed if we trucked along in the plot without mentioning or trying to explain it, the audience would just pick this up -or not even think about
I think it’s enough if one of the doctors mentions how ’Thrembo has turned him into a monster’, that way there’s sort of an explaination while still leaving most of it up to interpretation.
№23462[Quote]
>>23454>Anyway, yeah I completely agree. Good ideas all around. Makes Admin 6 really make more sense.I really like Soynematographer’s ideas about Admin 6 too and think they should be used.
(The sharty sharted itself so the previous post got through unintentionally, i was about to include this too)
№23465[Quote]
>>23444gassy became mainstream, i never really considered it forced
№23467[Quote]
>>23454>>23462Much appreciated guys I dont expect every idea typed out to be used, but its nice to get feedback
>>23464geg what did I say, the soyim want cobson. he was originally a main character early on, but now in the film he
has mutated into rapeson №23475[Quote]
>>23459>isn’t it still mostly just a blank slate?I mean, technically no, it's completed from start to finish, but I am open to changes or new ideas to flesh it out. It certainly needs them. The main scene that really matters is when the heroes confront Admin 6.
№23476[Quote]
>>23462>I really like Soynematographer’s ideas about Admin 6 too and think they should be used.I do too.
№23477[Quote]
>>23455Anyway, read through and tell me if you have any criticisms or changes on the newest revision of the bible.
№23479[Quote]
>>23477Ok, ive read through it a few times so I'll share some initial thoughts:
*Just mentioning this since it isnt in your pdf, but I want to emphasize that Nate meeting u with Chud as they head off to school was a really good early scene. Obviously it wasnt THE opening scene, but it was a good character introduction with a bit of dialogue, very on-par for an animated movie.
*Before the heroes are taken away in the van we should have some kind of interrogation scene. The bit in the first trailer where Plier starts glowing green in the middle of a dark room was a24 spine-tingling кинo, having Nate wake up in a pitch black room being asked all sorts of questions, only to reveal the one interrogating him like that would be very cool. It would be a great introduction for plier. During the interrogation Nate, Chud and Troonella would probably give incoherent answers for various reasons, which would be why they are transported elsewhere.
*I really like the idea of Soyberg saving them, a good way of making him seem trustworthy. Him giving some line about the basement being in disrepair and that the asylum is unable to recapture the creatures down there would be good. Having him emphasize the strong mechanical doors keeping the loose patients locked in the basement would be great foreshadowing, that way when plier disables the security the audience will know that they and rapeson are now free to the rest of the asylum, we could even show the basement doors unlocking after everything else has opened.
*So in the current plot Soystein isnt a villain? We already have lots of bad guys but I think doing that ends up undermining both of the doctors. As it Soystein sort of takes the role of Soyberg, leaving him to be left out of the film until the very end. In my opinion we should change it to something like this.
Soyberg tells Soystein to take the Chud and Troonella somewhere else so he can have a private convorsation about Thrembo with Nate, Soystein isnt happy about this but the friends are as they where getting bored. Soyberg ends up mentoring and explaining some plot stuff to Nate which will help him use his powers in a little bit, meanwhile Soystein i taking the friends on a tour of sorts- pointing to holding cells and better explaining the facility to them(and the audience) on their way to the snack machine o algo. Then while their deep in the place goes to hell, Soystein ends up abandoning the group as hes a cold slf. Insert intense scenes. Nate gets to them just in time with the help of Soyberg and Powers up. After thats wrapped up we cut back to Soystein somewhere even deeper in the asylum, now hes the afraid one as hes alone and there are still patients about. Then we show rapeson appear behind him, Soystein is surprised and apparently they dont have a good history. Rapeson happily corners him in a cell, and we hear Soysteins screams start echoing out. Now Soyberg is traveling with the group to the final battle.
Thats my idea. A bit extreme compared to what you have written, but I think it better concludes their roles.
*I dont think plier should be defeated just by being trampled. It would be anti-climatic, especially if we show him surviving the asylum as his goons are picked off. It would be much more meaningful if the doctor or something where to defeat him, maybe he still falls into the mass of Jarty or is over-run by them, but someone like the doctor initiating it would be more impactful.
*I seriously dont think Chud and Troonella should follow Nate in. If they didnt it would make it much more personal when he faces Admin 6 one-on-one, whether it be them talking to each other and 6 is trying to scare him, or even the full on battle. The reason could be that they stay behind to try and fight off the jarty, as there is a large number of them and is the only one tied to Thrembo. as the fight progresses the Jarty could start overnumbering them, ust making a larger point that Nate needs to win both for himself as well his friends.
*Going off of both of those ideas there could be a fake-out where the audience believes that the doctor has been killed. Either to take out plier or to keep the friends alive, this would of course make them fight even harder. Then at the end when everything has been crushed in rubble it would be revealed that the doctor is hurt, but still ok.
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Whoops I guess the formatting isnt that good but for the most part its what I wanted to say. Towards the end I just started writing out my own ideas as the more vague areas where leaving me with inspiration.
№23487[Quote]
>>23479>I want to emphasize that Nate meeting u with Chud as they head off to school was a really good early scene. Obviously it wasnt THE opening scene, but it was a good character introduction with a bit of dialogue, very on-par for an animated movie.Yeah, the plot beats I really tried to keep like an actual beat sheet instead of a detailed description of every scene. I wasn't thinking about cutting that scene, and it provides good exposition, but it doesn't move the plot forward a whole lot so I didn't write it down.
>Before the heroes are taken away in the van we should have some kind of interrogation scene…This is a bad idea for one major reason: Soystein's interrogation with Nate would have to be replaced with something else, and I really don't think we could.
Ignoring that major catch, this is what I think would be a better way for it to play out:
<After the raid scene at the end of Act 1, it cuts to the interrogation. No van stealing scene and no crash into the Soysylum.<'Plier starts asking questions and being scary or whatever. Chud, naturally scared and angry, uses his pocket knife to break free from his ties and lunges at 'Plier<'Plier tases him, leaving him reeling on the ground. This causes Nate distress, and he accidentally uses his Thrembo powers to throw 'Plier across the room.<'Plier is thrown into the wall right next to the door, and the door breaks open. The trio now flee into the basement.<Now continue to the basement scenes as normal.If this scene went how you described, it would be a total pace-breaker for Act 1. I really like Act 1 because every beat escalates the story perfectly. Adding an interrogation scene before they are taken away would blunt the impact.
Even then, I really like the more bombastic opener with the crash, even though I'm not a huge fan of the van scene before it. (Maybe some work could be done to tighten it up.)
>So in the current plot Soystein isnt a villain?Not exactly. See, he is on The Organization's side at first, hence why he interrogates Nate alone. Soyberg, on the other hand, is conspiring against The Organization, which is why he tells Nate about Thrembo in the elevator. Soystein only changes sides when 'Plier (and The Organization by extension) betrays him and The Soysylum just to kill Nate by blowing up the place. He changes his mind midway through Nate's interrogation after he sees what 'Plier is doing on the security cameras.
>Soystein sort of takes the role of Soyberg, leaving him to be left out of the film until the very end. Not true. Soyberg is fully on Nate's side and set the plot into motion by making the thread. This is all under Soystein's nose. Both of them have incredibly important scenes literally back-to-back in Act 2. Soyberg only gets more focus in Act 3 because it's in character for him to go with Nate and his friends.
>Soyberg tells Soystein to take the Chud and Troonella somewhere else so he can have a private conversation about Thrembo with NateSoystein cannot know about Soyberg's plans until he switches sides. It ruins the whole plot line I was setting up.
>Soyberg ends up mentoring and explaining some plot stuff to Nate which will help him use his powers in a little bitThe way you wrote this makes it seem like it would be a static scene, instead of a more dynamic one like my tense elevator ride. It runs the risk of just being plain boring.
>Soystein is taking the friends on a tour of sorts- pointing to holding cells and better explaining the facility to them(and the audience) on their way to the snack machine o algoAgain, this runs the risk of just being a bunch of boring exposition that isn't even needed in my opinion. Show, don't tell. Also, this isn't in character for Soystein since he isn't on their side yet.
I actually had plans for a little throwaway line/joke after Soystein kicks them all out so he can speak with Nate alone.
<"Soyberg, look after this delinquent's friends -and don't take a single step!"<Soyberg then glares and Chud and Troonella.<"Alright kids, who's ready for a tour!"This conveys some of the same information you wanted to stretch out into a whole scene. It also fits their character.
The rest of the stuff you wrote on this topic was very similar to my plans, albeit less concise with more location movement, but with Soyberg and Soystein switched. Soystein cowering infront of Rapeson really doesn't fit him at all.
Overall, this is idea is just really messy and unfitting.
№23488[Quote]
>>23479>I dont think plier should be defeated just by being trampled. It would be anti-climaticTrue. I planned to have 'Plier appear once last time, right when the heroes reach Admin 6's office, pointing a revolver at their heads in once last attempt to stop them. Admin 6 throws him across the room and out of a window, however, presumably killing him. I think I forgot to write this.
One humorous motif that I used throughout my version of the story is 'Plier getting trivially overtaken each time he intervenes. His demises being anti-climactic was on purpose. The only scene that doesn't have this is when he lets out the patients. I definitely think it should be added there. The reason why I decided to do this is because 'Plier really isn't a character, he's a plot device for when the story needs to move forward swiftly. It was just a good opportunity for some humor.
>I seriously dont think Chud and Troonella should follow Nate in.The reason why I brought them in is because they serve no real plot purpose. Giving them some more funny moments at the end would do alot to justify their inclusion.
№23489[Quote]
>>23488>The reason why I brought them in is because they serve no real plot purpose. Giving them some more funny moments at the end would do alot to justify their inclusion.Just because they enter with him, doesn't mean they need to intervene in the fight.
№23490[Quote]
Overall, I think you're misunderstanding a few key elements of the plot. I hope this clarifies a few things. I didn't right these in the smaller beat sheet, I just assumed you knew because I posted them in the thread before.
№23499[Quote]
>>23487>like an actual beat sheet instead of a detailed description of every sceneIf we arent going to continue adding scenes to the story that only leaves me with fleshing out what is already presented.
>Soystein's interrogation with Nate would have to be replaced with something elseIn your piece Soystein isnt an antagonist, by that alone the interrogations would be wildly different. A scientist freely asking Nate questions in his office/lab completely lacks the tension of an agent strapping him to a chair after knocking him out. Your main criticism of my suggestions was that they where to dialogue-heavy and didnt properly move the plot forward. Which of the two scenes described above would be more interesting in a trailer? Soysteins stern talk already closely mirrors Soybergs questioning by the group.
Im not attached to the van stealing and I like the idea of the interrogation purposefully being in the basement, but there are 2 problems with this line
>and he accidentally uses his Thrembo powers to throw 'Plier across the roomFirst this is very early in the film for Nate to be fully using his powers, when he does it shouldnt be this extreme, and when he is able to do this he should already better understand what these powers are. Second, if in the first encounter with plier he is defeated accidentally so easily it will ruin the audiences perception of him. Plier being thrown against the wall and knocked out or whatever is something that would happen in a kids comedy, nobody will see him as this imposing terminator like figure if thats the same scene hes introduced.
>Adding an interrogation scene before they are taken away would blunt the impactI have no idea why you would think 3 highschool students being out of nowhere abducted and tortured by government agents(one of which is able to glow in the dark) is anything but "impactful", it creates the first sense of actual danger and intensity while setting up the films major faction. If you dont like the scene just say that geg saying it doesnt escalate the story is absurd.
>because it's in character for him to go with Nate and his friendsSo if they both go with the group what is it that they both add to the dynamic? I just noticed that in your beatsheet Soyberg tags along when they are heading to Admin 6, what exactly does he add to the scene? Both of these characters, who have very few unique elements compared to the main cast end up just cramping and taking away from the main heroes trinity. You might not like my characterization of them but at least I gave old sage.1 and old sage.2 complete character arcs.
>It ruins the whole plot line I was setting upWith all due respect the plotline you are writing in your head convolutes and dulls two characters that this team(that being you, Soyrector and I) had already concretely agreed upon. The whole reason we decided to make Soystein was so there could be a 'good' dr and a 'evil' dr. Yes, the changes make them more realistic, but it also greatly diminishes both doctors personalities and reason to exist. They now feel like characters from a live-action adventure film and do not live up to the original personalities.
>instead of a more dynamic one like my tense elevator ride. It runs the risk of just being plain boringElevators are not tense by definition geg but thats ok, the atmosphere shouldnt be to highly intense during important dialogue. plus there should be quieter points of relief for the audience, the heroes first talking to Soyberg would be one of those. As for my idea being "boring" I disagree. Up until this point the audience doesnt know what Thrembo is, if nate is seriously going to use his powers right after this both the viewers and he must better understand Whats even going on. So far all of the lore building weve done around it hasnt translated to the actual plot, there has to be a point where we explain what is actually happening and we cant put that off until the later part of the film.
>this runs the risk of just being a bunch of boring exposition that isn't even needed in my opinionthere doesnt need to be be any exposition, your beatsheet has no points in which the viewer gets to see the patients and the asylum in their natural routine.
>Show, don't tell.And you dont want to show at all geg every so often your writing will move away from soyjaks. I have no issue with realism, or you adding depth outside of characters original personalities, however you are slowly removing them from the defining source material. Change the names and the current doctors would be unrecognizable, hell you wouldnt even know their in an asylum.
>This conveys some of the same information you wanted to stretch out into a whole sceneThats great, but now theres no scene showcasing the actual asylum. Less scenes means less world and info for audience.
№23500[Quote]
>just really messy and unfitting
I gave my input based on the story and characters we ALL have agreed on up until now. Yes there are conflicting ideas, but you are not the projects only writer. You do not get to shoot down ideas because they contradict the massive plot and character shifts you have written(mostly without us). Im not going to comment anything else until the director is able to read everything written so far and come to his own conclusions.
№23501[Quote]
>>23499>>23500This reads more like a deflection of criticism rather than a response. You do nothing but reiterate your points. Your animosity toward me is showing. It's very clear that you don't even read my posts, because if you did, you'd know me and Nusoyrector have been in agreement this whole time.
№23505[Quote]
>>23501I wouldnt have to repeat myself if you didnt disregard half of the things I bothered writing, that goes for anything from the last few hours. You specifically ask for "criticisms and feedback" and then act offended at a mere suggestion that goes against your vision. Its amusing you accuse me of animosity when you have been cold and unteam-like with me this entire night. would I have spent hours engaging with your writing if I hated you?
>It's very clear that you don't even read my postsspent the last few hours doing just that
>because if you did, you'd know me and Nusoyrector have been in agreement this whole timeI dont know whats got you in this mood but if you dont want me here just say that. Its quite frustrating to spend months unanimously decide key plot details With you and are director only for you to decide in personal writings that they need to be completely changed to better suit your constantly changing vision.
№23513[Quote]
I’m back. Don’t expect me to comment on and critique every single one of these ideas, but i’ll try sharing as many of my opinions as possible and give some feedback. First of all, both of you have conflicting opinions and ideas on a lot of stuff, but i think this is all a big misunderstanding.
I’m thinking about a solution to all of this.
№23516[Quote]
>acidentally pressed [quote] award
Fuck, i have to rewrite everything