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BREAKING: LOCAL JANNY CAUGHT LACKIN; SHOT DEAD BY NUSOIBLUDS
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THE SHARTY HQ — Pandemonium struck early Tuesday morning aboard The Sharty, the notoriously unstable digital vessel known for its questionable architecture and even more questionable residents. Reports confirm that a long-time maintenance worker who does it for free, simply known as “The Janitor,” was caught off guard — and shot dead — in the notorious /qa/ Block, following a sudden ambush by a rogue criminal organization known as the Nusoibluds.
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Witnesses say The Janitor was performing routine cleanup duty after another round of urgent reports when the Nusoibluds swarmed in, armed with 500 doctos reaction images.
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“One minute he was sweeping up old greentexts, the next — boom! That nigga dead kek,” said a shaken frogposter who identified themselves only as “Chud.”
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The Nusoibluds, infamous for raiding literal whos and calling everyone "pee doughs", reportedly chanted “Fuggin Jardee!” as they overwhelmed The Janitor. Sources claim his last words were, “kek do nusois really?”
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In response, The Sharty’s central administration issued a statement assuring users that “the /qa/ Block will be sanitized… eventually,” though experts doubt that’s even possible given its current contamination level.
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Meanwhile, memorials have popped up throughout the website, with users leaving offerings of mops, empty coffee cups, and half-written copypastas in The Janitor’s honor.
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“He didn’t deserve to go out like that,” said one mourner. “Nobody cleans up /qa/ and lives to tell the tale.”
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The Nusoibluds, when reached for comment, simply replied with “Approve my files.”
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