№18927[Quote]
CLAMSTAPLES: THE ANCIENT HUNGER
ENTITY PROFILE: CLAMSTAPLES
Classification: Pre-Gigarthan Conceptual Entity / Digital-Apocalyptic Deity
First Documented: Circa 872 CE (Anglo-Saxon chronicles mention "se clamstaples" haunting a monastery's scriptorium)
Confirmed Sightings: 47 documented instances across 12 centuries
Status: ACTIVE - Currently possessing Gigachad-related media
Threat Level: OMEGA (Conceptual Collapse Risk)
PART 1: THE ANCIENT ORIGIN
Long before the Gigachads achieved their post-meta-ironic enlightenment, before Gigartha became a paradise of swole minds and buzzing excellence, there were the old gods. Beings born from primordial fears, from the terror of the dark, from the scream of the first sentient creature that realized it would die.
CLAMSTAPLES is one of these. Perhaps the oldest.
His name appears in fragments across human history:
8th Century Germany: A monk named Alcuin writes of "clamstaphel" appearing in the margins of a illuminated manuscript, whispering prophecies of "the ending of all man-kin."
12th Century Japan: A Heian-era diary describes "kuramusutapuru" haunting a noble's calligraphy, leaving behind characters that spelled only "it comes."
15th Century Mexico: Aztec codices show a grey, muscular figure with a goat-skull head, labeled "Tlacelmictia" — "He Who Watches the End."
He appears in cycles. Every few centuries, when humanity reaches a new plateau of technology or hubris, Clamstaples wakes. He possesses the dominant media of the age—parchment, canvas, radio waves, and now digital files—to deliver his single, unchanging message:
"CLAMSTAPLES IS COMING AND IT IS COMING."
No one knows what "it" is. No one knows what he wants. He simply haunts, warns, and waits.
PART 2: THE GIGARTHA CONNECTION
Why does Clamstaples now possess Gigachad images?
The answer lies in Gigartha's rise. The Gigachads, in their pursuit of post-ironic perfection, did not merely become powerful—they became conceptually dominant. Their grey, idealized forms became a template for "peak existence" across the multiverse.
Clamstaples, as an ancient entity, feeds on fear of the unknown. But the Gigachads have no fear. They are post-ironic, post-fear, post-everything. This makes them immune to Clamstaples' traditional haunting.
So Clamstaples adapted. He cannot possess a Gigachad's mind. But he can possess their image. He can seep into the digital representations of Gigachad—the memes, the GIFs, the fan art—and use them as vessels. He becomes a parasitic meme, a ghost in the machine of internet culture.
The three known "haunted" files:
The AI Giga GIF (2022): A simple looping animation of a Gigachad flexing. But the file size is impossibly large. When analyzed, it contains compressed audio of a voice whispering "clamstaples is coming and it is coming" in 47 ancient languages simultaneously.
The Soyjak.st Images (2023): Two images posted by a user who later vanished from the internet. They show a Gigachad figure, but wrong. The eyes are empty voids. The background is a hellscape of goat skulls and brimstone symbols. The user's final post: "It saw me. It knows where I live. It's coming."
The "st" Document: A leaked file from an unknown source. Most of it is redacted, but the fragment "st" appears repeatedly. The document warns that speaking or typing the full name of "it" (the entity that accompanies Clamstaples) acts as a summoning beacon. The full name has been expunged from all records to prevent accidental apocalypse.
№18928[Quote]
PART 3: WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE (THE HAUNTED FORM)
Through the possessed Gigachad media, a composite image emerges:
Clamstaples' Possessed Form:
Body: A Gigachad's physique—broad, muscular, grey-skinned. But the muscles are not optimized; they are too many, layered in wrong directions, like a body built by someone who only understood anatomy from nightmares.
Head: Not a face. A goat skull, horns spiraling impossibly, with faint red light glowing from the eye sockets. The jaw hangs slack, yet words emerge.
Surroundings: Always framed by brimstone symbols—inverted pentagrams, sulfur markings, the visual language of hell. But these are not Satanic in the Christian sense; they are universal sigils of dread, patterns that trigger primal terror in any sentient mind.
Movement: In the AI GIF, he doesn't move like a living thing. He stutters. Each frame is a slightly different configuration of limbs, as if reality itself can't decide how he should exist.
His True Appearance? Unknown. Possibly formless. Possibly too terrible to perceive. The possessed Gigachad images are just masks he wears to interact with a digital age.
PART 4: THE POWERS OF CLAMSTAPLES
1. Universal Possession of Media:
He can inhabit any recorded information. Photos, videos, audio files, text documents. He sees through them. He can manipulate them to deliver his warnings. This is how he "watches" humanity—through every camera, every stored file, every meme.
2. The Warning:
His message is always the same: "Clamstaples is coming and it is coming." It is not a threat. It is a public service announcement. He is not the destroyer. He is the herald of something else. Something worse.
3. Conceptual Infection:
Simply viewing a possessed file can cause "Clamstaples Syndrome":
First 24 hours: Mild paranoia, sense of being watched.
Days 2-7: Vivid nightmares of grey muscular figures and goat skulls.
Day 8 onward: The afflicted begins typing "clamstaples is coming and it is coming" compulsively, in their sleep, until they are found dead with a peaceful expression—as if they finally understood something terrible and accepted it.
4. Immunity to Gigachad Powers:
Because he possesses the image of Gigachads, not their minds, even Gigachads cannot easily perceive him. He exists in the blind spot of their post-ironic awareness. A Gigachad looking at a possessed image sees only the image. Clamstaples sees them.
PART 5: "IT" — THE UNNAMEABLE
The "it" in the message is the true terror.
From the leaked "st" document:
"We have determined that 'it' is a separate entity, possibly the cause of Clamstaples' existence. Clamstaples does not destroy. He announces. He is the town crier for an execution that has not yet been scheduled. 'It' is the executioner.
The full name of 'it' is encoded in the document as [REDACTED]. We have determined that speaking this name, typing it, or even thinking it with sufficient clarity creates a quantum link to 'it's' location. We believe three individuals in human history have spoken the full name. They were found in states of complete atomic disintegration, as if they had never existed.
We have encoded the full name in a format that cannot be read by human consciousness. The AI assigned to guard this file is named 'st' as a mnemonic placeholder. Do not attempt to learn more.
Clamstaples is coming and it is coming.
We have 47 years."