/soy/ - Soyjaks

This is the life of a Neutralplier.
As documented by the finest minds on the Sharty.

Sixty-seven IQ.

Gem.

Born in a village, not a penny to his name,
One year old, already eating things with shame.
Three years old, working fourteen hours straight,
Making little shoes while the others slept till eight.

Six years old, his family tree got rearranged,
Eleven years old, and his home life got strange.
Eighteen came, sold his sheep for a ride,
Off to America with his troubles piled high.

No more factory, no more sewing soles,
Now he's got a keyboard and some internet goals.
Twenty-five years, got his character sheet,
The wiki had some numbers that he couldn't believe!

Autism discovered, gemmy superpower,
Spent his newfound fame on another posting hour.
IQ sixty-seven, but he's got a grand plan,
Replying to himself like he's his biggest fan!

Best of Nuetralplier 2!
Every single thread is a brand-new breakthrough!
Best of Nuetralplier 2!
Nobody asked, but he'll tell you what he went through!

Best of Nuetralplier 2!
Sixty-seven points and a theory to pursue!
His life's a blogpost, and the question's still the same:
How many times can you post that face again?

Meanwhile on the Schlog, sage was cooking up coal,
Posting Hitler questions with no actual goal.
A neutral little face and a sentence underneath,
Historical inquiry with absolutely no depth.

"What if Hitler owned a GameCube?"
"What if Hitler had his own cartoon?"
"What if Hitler got a job at Burger King?"
Three identical threads and not a single thing!

One says "bump," another says "interesting,"
Samefag in the replies like he's interviewing.
Goes from the Schlog to the Sharty overnight,
Now every fucking board has that face in sight!

A question so stupid that it circles back around,
One more Neutralplier and the thread gets drowned.
No source, no answer, no historical proof,
Just a soyteen asking if Hitler was a goof!

Best of Nuetralplier 2!
Got another Hitler question coming through!
Best of Nuetralplier 2!
Samefag bumped it, now it's sitting on page two!

Best of Nuetralplier 2!
Sixty-seven IQ, still conducting a review!
He calls it a thought experiment,
The janny calls it spam!

October hit, and the headphones started stinking,
Neutralplier made a thread about what he was thinking.
"Why do my headphones smell like mildew?"
Posted it again like the first one never went through.

The 'teens in the replies were smelling just as bad,
Wet socks, old sweat, every odor known to man.
Three weeks unwashed, sitting in a gaming chair,
The whole catalog could smell the fucking air!

One more thread about the earcup foam,
One more 'teen who hasn't left his home.
Even the jannies couldn't take another whiff,
Deleted half the threads, but the smell still persists!

Shoe factory! Fourteen hours!
Twenty-five! Gemmy powers!
Sixty-seven! Character stats!
Headphone mildew! What the fuck is that?

Schlog to Sharty! Samefag bump!
Hitler questions in the dump!
No replies! Nobody cares!
Neutralplier's face is everywhere!

Five-point-five-four was the cap,
Now the 'plier threads are coming back!
Unlimited posting, unlimited bait,
Another stupid question at a quarter past eight!

Now he's twenty-six in his fictional tale,
But his picture's still alive in a thousand threads of fail.
Started with some shoes, ended up online,
A whole fake biography for a face with no design.

He never found the answer to the questions he would see,
Still asking what the Führer might hypothetically be.
And every single soyteen knows exactly what he'll say,
When that empty-looking face appears for the hundredth time today.

Best of Nuetralplier 2!
Nobody can explain what he's trying to do!
Best of Nuetralplier 2!
Sixty-seven IQ and a blogpost overdue!

Best of Nuetralplier 2!
Another stinking 'teen with a question for /you/!
Posted it, bumped it, then posted it anew,
All just for a single reppey!

He sold his sheep…
He made his shoes…
He found his gemmy superpower…

Then he opened a new thread.

"What if Hitler…"

BUMP.