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>>18904756 (OP)jannies have been deleting every post I make too. they must be obsessed. im sorry for your loss
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>Not sure if im gonna follow through or not, just wanted to air out my reasons why I want to so the people i love dont go blaming themselves
>I have had an unbearably miserable life.
CSA'd and beaten and neglected as a child, severely abused by the childhood/adolescent psych system, abused by the school system, all while being severely autistic and physically disabled.
>My childhood best friend (and really, one of the very few real friends i had), killed himself when I was 15.
>Then I went through homelessness.
>Then I socially detransitioned temporarily because men kept trying to hurt me, also got raped a few more times.
I entrusted basically my entire life to be taken care of by another person who progressively gave up on me, and who also viewed me as nb instead of female.
>I then was abandoned by a 2nd caretaker, and then forcibly detranned by the 3rd.
>Right as I went to retransition I lost a 3rd person to suicide.
>I missed all my opportunities to use my insurance so now i have to dump every single possible resource I have just to maybe get SRS.
>I've spent the past 6 month alone, like alone alone, like I've gotten one single hug from a person I know in that entire period and I only saw her for like 20 minutes, I'd specify why this is, but I cant reveal my location for opsec reasons.
>And I may have lost a 4th person to suicide (friend entirely AWOL for 3 months with no one able to figure out why, he was depressed and using b4 hand)
>I guess to broadly summarise, a combination of lacking caretaking with severe autism and physical disabilities, severe dysphoria, unsolvable life goals, extremely severe grief, isolation, CPTSD, rape trauma, trauma from being forcibly detransed, and a generally bleak outlook on life.
>If I die in the near future, know that it is no one who's reading this's fault.
>:{
>If I do make the decision I'll make sure the money that would go for SRS gets into the hands of someone who'll do good with it