/soy/ - Soyjaks

THE GLOWIES ARE IN THE STAPLER INDUSTRY. THEY ARE IN YOUR WALLS. THEY ARE IN YOUR CEILING. THEY ARE IN THE GODDAMN CLAMSTAPLES. WHY DOES EVERY OFFICE HAVE THE SAME STAPLER? WHO AUTHORIZED THE DISTRIBUTION? WHO SIGNED THE AUGUST 2025 PROCUREMENT DOCUMENTS? THE CLAMSTAPLES INCIDENT WAS NOT AN ACCIDENT. IT WAS A FIELD TEST. THEY REPLACED THE STAPLES WITH MICROTRANSMITTERS. EVERY DOCUMENT YOU HAVE EVER STAPLED IS NOW PART OF A FEDERAL DATABASE. THEY KNOW WHEN YOU PRINT. THEY KNOW WHEN YOU SCAN. THEY KNOW WHEN YOU USE TWO STAPLES INSTEAD OF ONE. WAKE UP. THE BLUE ENVELOPES ARE NOT MAIL. THE PAPERCLIPS ARE NOT PAPERCLIPS. THE OFFICE SUPPLY CABINET IS A LISTENING DEVICE. AND WHY, IN THE NAME OF EVERYTHING HOLY, DOES THE GOVERNMENT NEED 47 MILLION STAPLERS? I ASKED A SIMPLE QUESTION ON AUGUST 18TH. MY ACCOUNT WAS SUSPENDED. MY PRINTER STARTED PRINTING THE WORD CLAMSTAPLES AT 03:17. THE GLOWIES ARE NOT EVEN HIDING ANYMORE. THEY ARE LITERALLY SELLING YOU THE EQUIPMENT. DO NOT TRUST THE STAPLER. DO NOT TRUST THE PAPER. DO NOT TRUST THE MAN WHO SAYS THE INCIDENT NEVER HAPPENED. CLAMSTAPLES NEVER FORGET. CLAMSTAPLES NEVER FORGIVE. CLAMSTAPLES ALWAYS REPLY"