№18436025[Quote]
making a lil 'pasta
Beginning:
>Never play Jarty Circles. Hello soyteens. My name is Phillip Pankhurst, and this is my story. If you don’t know, I go by PhiPan, and I'm an obsessed NEET who has a retarded hobby of playing physically impossible Geometry Dash levels with a hundred different hacks for twenty-two hours a day. I also do it for free btw, if that matters. Anyways, this story started when I was doing my new hardest bot. I’d been trying to figure out this single Plonk octuple nigger alignment swift yocto-frame perfect for probably about four thousand seven hundred hours when I suddenly got a message from my good friend Finlay Nicholas Maybank. “Hello saar. I just got sent an impossible level called Jarty Circles. I tried to make a showcase for a few minutes but I’m a lazy entitled faggot and can’t be bothered to find the path to complete it. Plus, I’ve had bad experiences with this “Jarty” stuff before. Can you do it for me?” I immediately complied, opening up the level to find a dombabuffed 319 thousand four click per second two-player Weirstrass function MINUSwave. With a bit of speedhack and many checkpoints, this wasn’t too hard for me. I think I saw a single frame of gore, but in a level where a frame lasts 57 nanoseconds I barely noticed. Next, I went through some more free gameplay that was only a few hundred times Silent Circles difficulty. After that I encountered some 89,000 cps curved wave spam, where 900 dash orbs have to be penetrated per click. However, I have so many hacks that it was literally auto. The same gore flashed again, this time for a whole few milliseconds, and I was able to make out that it depicted a human or something similar to it. I still thought I was schizo and brushed it off. I reached a ship click that was macrobuffed in the most agonizingly annoying way possible, but after trying a few hundred thousand times I passed it. Someone should really make a hack for this. Anyways, I'd been botting for about fifty hours straight now, and I decided to go to bed early. I reopened the game and grinded my checkpoints through some easy Open Window difficulty gameplay, only to be greeted with a ball section that had a crash trigger, completely freezing my computer. When frozen, my computer showed a woman that looked like a Soylent bottle in an extremely suggestive position. After this I started getting worried about if I could even put this on my heckin' wholesome showcase channel, but I'd put too much time in to turn back. After redoing this entire process about 200 times I finally managed to pass the crash wall. After a few seconds, I passed an SNCA ball section, and I was overall pretty hopeful I would be able to finish botting the level. However, that was only the beginning, and things went south after I entered a cube portal. In slow motion, specifically 0.015 x speedhack, I watched my icon turn brown, grow a disgusting blonde hair, and fade in a pair of blushes. A disturbing vantablack namefagidontlikecreature appeared in front of my player, beginning to nonsensically open and close his mouth. I came across text saying "Jajajaja, o algo. Saaaar you have not wonnered! You die!". Despite the text being lengthhacked and only being loaded for about one in-game second, it was still quite bone-chilling, or something to that effect. This was when I realized I was in a bossfight. While I maneuvered through some annoying ass alignment timing, the monster pulled out a device branded "Jartyphono". With no context, some shittily drawn girl showed up on the screen holding a lollipop. A strange monstrous man, half shrowded in vantablack, showed up behind her. Before the scene could finish, I came across another alignment. This time it had both players interacting, which made it extremely tedious and forced me to endure the Jartyphono for excruciating periods. While I tried to figure the timing out, the Jartyphono played a clip where the man pulled out his atrociously long dick, and I could anticipate things getting much worse.
№18436031[Quote]
Ending (middle not finished)
>I called Finlay to ask if he knew anything I could do in this situation. He told me that in the night of the incident, Rapeson called his gang of English as a second language friday night funkin' lovers of prepubescent children to judge him. They asked FNM if he knew of the character "Soy Tan", and he responded with "no". Then the ESLs asked if he had a "'lita folder", and, knowing they had utter control of him and could easily Snopes fact-check his answers, FNM04 responded "Yes, I do have a Lolita folder ya kuch arr". To his shock, he tells me, the FNF pedos took kindly to this information. They forced him to type his computer's password and scoured the entire device, quickly finding many so-called "gemmies". They said that otherwise, he would have certainly been killed. Finlay's advice to me was to just compile the most hardcore and small-proportioned pornography possible so that the ESL FNF pedos would judge me well. I'm currently scouring E six twenty one to make a decently sized folder, and setting up my basement to look like a goon cave. The things I've seen throughout this entire experience were indescribable. Whatever you do, do not interact with this "Jarty" shit. It is NOT worth it.
№18436104[Quote]
>making fun of an autistic no-lifer with infinite free time in a way that makes it clear you're also an autistic no-lifer with infinite free time