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I was drunk, high, and horny as fuck… plus it was a dubiously-consensual situation, it was my first time bottoming in general, and it happened when I was still trying to desperately repress my gay feelings and convince myself I was "straight". So needless to say, my brain was just a confusing mess of conflicting thoughts.
The main feeling was probably was guilt over how much I was enjoying it. The panicked realization that I was "made for this"… that letting another guy conquer me and claim my ass somehow felt more right and natural than all the times I'd forced myself to fuck chicks in the past.
Especially since part of how I'd talked myself into the situation was this vague excuse of telling myself "well it's not like I WANT it, but if I just let it happen then I'll hate it, and the bad experience will cure me of all these guilty gay fantasies that I definitely only have cause I've been watching too much porn". Unfortunately for my delusions of straightness, the guy was a great top who took his time breaking me in gently. So instead of hating it, I ended up having one of the best orgasms of my life up until that point, which of course sent me into intense post-orgasm guilt and gay panic.