/soy/ - Soyjaks

this is my last post in this website.
so as we know, the typical user in this website is a lonely loser freak i can't get friends at all i can't stand being lonely, online friendships stopped working for me. so i added a random soyteen from some thread in /date/, we chatted a little he said he wanted to meet up, i said sure that would be nice. I don't know anything about him, we met in Virginia, to my surprise he was exteremly tall and buff also he is white and kinda balding i think he was around his late 20, while I'm 5'2 40kg person and I just got 19, we are both male so i didn't think our age/body differences will matter, we talked a little, he brought me snacks and I was exteremly happy and started to trust him blindly, my dad never let me buy snacks. Then he wanted to rent an apartment, i was relieved because i didn't want an old dude to enter my house, my parents will think negatively of me. i also blindly trusted him because i thought he was a follow soyteen he brought a laptop so i thought we are just going to play games and that's it. When i entered the apartment he closed the door and started to be touchy, i was exteremly uncomfortable with it but i couldn't do anything because he is way way stronger than me so i got scared from the fact that he can beat me up, i started to resisted after he started to grope my ass. I slaped him to the face and he got exteremly mad that he started to brutally attack me, there was blood all over my face and i was yelling and crying, he pulled a knife and stabbed my leg. i realized i can't push him off and yelling won't work so i just crotched and covered my head, he kept kicking me and asking me to undress or he will murder me, i realized this will never end if i don't comply with what he wants so i undressed, he layed his heavy body on me and started to rape me he didn't even loose up my ass or anything he just penetrated me, he kept raping me for so long that i puked, i didn't even think of pissing or shitting on during the rape because he will do horrible things to me. after he finished raping me he beat me to the point that i blacked out, i woke up from the comma and turns out he closed the apartment door, i called the police to help me get out, i told the cops everything and begged them not tell my parents.
this person has all of my personal information i think he will ruin my life, i don't think the cops can help me in my situation.
this is all my fault i deserve it for being retarded subhuman freak, not being street-smart and not doing anything with my life has led me to be put in this situation, i have no hope in life everything is ruined, my ass fucking hurts that when i poop bloods come out, i regert using this website i regert being born, i will do the right thing by killing myself.
goodbye cruel world.
I'm sorry for bad English, my fingers hurt from the beating and I'm super mentally fucked to do anything