/soy/ - Soyjaks

>wake up in bed next to bf
>he's asleep still but grabs me, pulls me close and spoons me
>feel my face going hot and my privates going tingly because of his touch
Why did I have to be this way? My body is a slave to the allure of men, and my mind is imprisoned by that body. I let a man destroy my body every night because I'm drawn to that, but I don't feel good about it intellectually.
>bf randomly comes up to me, turns my head, and kisses my lips
I should hate this because he didn't ask for my consent, but I love it instead.
>bf grabs me from behind while I'm folding laundry and starts feeling my breasts, kneading and pinching
He violates my honor as a woman in these moments but I don't protest because it feels good physically and mentally.
>bf takes my hand and leads me to the bedroom
Instead of requesting he get my consent first, I instead swoon and let him take me where he wants, like a husk with no agency.
>bf pushes me down on the bed, takes his and my clothes off, then gets on top of me and starts kissing me as we feel each other
My body betrays my mind by getting itself ready for him down there, and he can feel that preparedness.
>bf puts it in me when he can feel that I'm ready
My mind goes blank, save for the embarrassing thought that I used to be a guy yet this is happening.
>bf destroys my body and sanctity as he pleases
And permanently taints me as a lesser human who gave in to a man. I can never look at lesbian trans women in the eyes, because I know they'd think of me as a subhuman for sleeping with men, and they'd be right. I am a second-class citizen in LGBT spaces because I can't control my mental and bodily urges to be touched by men. I should've been abstinent and founded a monastery for straight trans women or something, but instead I gave in to the temptations. I'm like a fallen angel; if Lucifer weren't a male name it'd be my name.