/soy/ - Soyjaks

So I am a straight cis guy. I don't have gender dysphoria etc.

The thing is about a year ago I was a guest at my friend's wedding. Her dress was so pretty. She looked like a princess. And she was the center of everyone's attention. And her now husband is a really lovely guy.

And ever since then I have felt immense jealousy for women because they can be brides.
I mean, I read my diary entries from the past year and at least one third of those are about weddings and being a bride.
I am genuinely obsessed. Like somehow when I daydream about being a bride and then suddenly realise I am a guy I get this awful awful feeling. I feel like I just wanna stay in bed and not have a body or self, if that makes any sense.

The absolutely worst thing that happened is that I actually got to try out that friend's wedding dress, just as a joke. Like we were having fun and idk if it was my idea or hers but I ended up wearing that dress. It fit me surprisingly well, although my friend has quite large breasts so we needed some filling to get the dress to fit.
Honestly that whole session made me feel awful. It was like having a tasty treat just outside of my reach.

I feel genuine existential suffering about this. The idea of never being able to be a pretty bride is killing me inside. And honestly I'm still young and the idea of becoming an old unmarried man makes me feel like vomiting.

How do I fix this? Like are there some drugs that could make me feel better or not think about that?
I just feel gross about everything and I don't know what to do.