/soy/ - Soyjaks

up

epic rap battles of history

cum…

versus…. SHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIT
BEGIN!
>Well listen here you lil dumb fucking poos.
>You don't know that I'm the fucking life goo.
>Women dream of me while they dream of your rivals.
>So might as well fuck off and getting fucked 'chivaled!
<thin guy gets a fat gay roommate
<he's a good cook, orders out a lot too
<soon, roomie's eating habits rub off on him
<his gf isn't into his weight gain
<constantly tries diets and exercise routines, but they all fail
<he insists that it's not his fault, but gf doesn't believe him
<she starts seeing another, thinner man and dumps him
<he goes further in a downward spiral, turns to food & drugs for comfort
<getting drunk, blazed, or both and gorging with his roomie on a nightly basis
<roomie's getting pretty comfy with him as of late
<neither of them have any problem with chilling in the apartment shirtless
<or squeezing hip-to-hip on the couch to watch TV
<or sharing food
<or complimenting each other's bodies as a little ego-boost
<one drunken pizza-filled night, the formerly-thin guy confesses to his roommate
<he's so down bad after getting dumped, he'd do anything to get laid
<…anything, you say?
<it's not gay, it's just one friend helping out another
<besides, it's just experimentation
<what harm can one little night of fooling around be?
<five years later, he's waddling through a pride parade wearing nothing but 6XL booty shorts and a crop top that says "DOUBLE-WIDE PRIDE"

WHO WON? WHO'S NEXT? YOU DECIDE
IN EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!!!