â„–18058776[Quote]
PLEASE READ THIS AUTOBIOGRAPHY ABOUT MY SHITTY LIFE
polls may or may not still be broken so I would like to ask /soy/ a question: should I go into disability housing and get a caretaker for the rest of my life or should I become a lolcow? I think these are my only two options, I'll explain.
<pointless spacing
I'm not normal. Now I know thats obvious to everyone here since none of us are normal, but you guys don't get it. I'm really not normal. When I was a baby/toddler I would say mama and then for some reason I just stopped talking one day. My mom went to get me tested when I was 3 or 4 years old and the doctor said I have autism. I remember her telling me a few years ago that she cried when she learned I was autistic. As I grew up I got "help" but not actual help, just shit for schoolwork. No one ever taught me how to be normal, so I basically oozed autism. I had a weird autism walk, I would not want to break any rules at school, I had no friends because I didn't talk, and I didn't talk because good kids were quiet, or at least thats what I thought. When I got to middle school the autism stayed but I had become extremely fucking annoying. A girl hit me in the back with her shoe in 7th grade while we were running the mile for pe and I deserved it. I wish she hit harder. I wish she hit my head with it. I wish I fell down on the asphalt of that road and never got back up. At least I would have died having lived a mostly happy life. I think I figured how talk just the right amount when I entered high school, but I hadnt gotten over that neurotic wanting to follow the rules shit yet so I basically acted like an npc still. that, combined with the fact that I was still very outwardly autistic and wasnt taught how to mask literally at all, basically locked me out of being perceived normally. I didn't get invited to parties, have friends outside of school, (or at all, except for like two or three people that I barely ever got to see) or even have a girlfriend. hell, the girl who asked me out to senior prom pretty much shut down any notion of dating her when she said she asked me to go for beta because she was in it too and she decided to bring her friends with her. not that I hate or dislike her for it, I just wish she was a little more direct and honest. (if you dont know, beta is a club that honors students are in. it's a national thing that has chapters at schools. the name is accurate because it is full of betas like me.) Just to be clear, I wasn't disliked at all. Maybe I was talked about and made fun of a little by girls but I was never hated in high school, just seen as weird and autistic. Even so, I still did really well in school and managed to secure a full-ride scholarship to the university I wanted to go to. I was ecstatic, but that didnt really go too well in the end.
<The Body was too long
I'll reply to the post with the rest of it, 1/?
â„–18058782[Quote]
DNI, this is a kuz-era copypasta
â„–18058784[Quote]
DNI, this is a froot-era copypasta
â„–18058788[Quote]
Remember when I said I did well in school? That was only because of my neurotic urge to obey authority in fear of punishment, it managed to suppress a little problem I have called laziness. I never did my homework growing up, I never did even an ounce of schoolwork unless it was at school. I knew I needed to fix my laziness problem before I started my college years but I just couldn't do it. Universities are a lot freer than schools, theres no one breathing down your neck to keep you accountable for anything at a university, which meant that I was doomed before I even got there. I had that realization before I started, but I just didn't think about it and replaced the thought with how well I'll do considering I managed to get a full ride scholarship that covered literally everything and allowed me into the honors dorm. my roomate and his friends smoked weed and drank alcohol but I was a scared little bitch so I didnt participate even though I would if I could go back in time. I consider the first week of september 2023 to be the peak of my life because that was when I met and had sex with my first and only ever girlfriend. she was a bit fat but years of being EPId through the internet since I got my first ever pc with unrestricted internet access at the ripe age of 3 years old meant that I was okay with and even ecstatic that she was kinda fat because I was into that shit. she wasn't gorlock size or anything, you could tell she was a regular girl who just happened to like eating a bit more than the average person. She was quite active and took care of herself very well, she was a powerlifter when she was in high school. The way I met her wasnt too crazy but I think it might be. One night I was pretending to do work in the library (I was actually installing arch linux on my laptop, I was a cs major.) and got distracted from that and starting going through the university story on snapchat. There I saw a black girl's post talking about how she wanted someone to hang out with her in the student union or something, so I added her, dm'd her, and I began walking there. Initially, I was going to see if the girl liked me or not, but as soon as I got there I saw two other girls sitting with her, and one of them seemed to like me. I just decided to ignore it and socialize with them normally, but then we got up and began walking around campus. now remember, I was still 100% as outwardly autistic as I have always have been, weird autism walk and all, so when this girl who I thought didnt like me and that I misread the signals decided to go around the other two, walk next to me, and hold my hand, I didn't know how to feel. As soon as she grabbed my hand, I got a massive fucking boner. Up until that point in my life, a girl had never held my hand before except like my mom and maybe some other family members, so it was a crazy experience having a real life girl hold my hand for the first time. Sure, it was happening a bit late, I was in my first semester of my freshmen year of college, but I didn't care, I was finally receiving affection from a girl. Later, the four of us (sorry I didnt do a better job of letting you guys know the other two girls were still with us) would go into the lounge area of my dorm. it had like a mini bodega next to it and air hockey, it was cool. We played air hockey and stuff, gave them a tour of the floors, and then I showed them around the other floors before the other two girls went their separate ways.
2/?
â„–18058806[Quote]
Then the girl who liked me said that she needed to use the bathroom. Obviously, there was one in the lobby of the dorm that she could use, but I wasnt an idiot and knew what she meant by that so I told her she could just use the one in my room. We got to my room, she used the bathroom in there and stuff, and she crawled onto my bed. I figured I could just say "well, it's MY bed" if she were to object, so I gathered my courage and crawled onto my bed next to her. At this point, we were laying next to each other on my bed watching tiktoks on her phone, things were going nicely until my roomate and his (then) friend (who is his girlfriend now I think, idk if thats current though) walked in. They saw us and then they immediately left. I got a bit nervous after that so I said "They thought we were fucking" in a bit of a humorous(?) tone that should have absolutely dried her the fuck up but then a few seconds later without saying a word she just starts to make out with me. It was so surreal and euphoric to have a girl making out with me, I was rock hard when I realized what was happening, it was the single most amazing experience of my entire life, period. I would later begin to start using weed, alcohol, and mushrooms like 3 years after that and none of it compares to how it felt to make out with her. Being able to grope a girl's ass was fucking amazing, having her on top of me just grinding on my bulge while she made out with me until I couldnt feel my legs was fucking fantastic. I would detail the rest of the experience but I don't want to so the tl;dr is that she sucked my dick and we had sex the next day. We would continue to have sex until labor day, apparently her pussy was sore so I stopped without cumming even though I was close. it sucks that was the last time I had actually had sex but oh well. After that we dated (I paid for everything) and then we broke up on september 26th just after 1:45 pm over snapchat. I'd detail what happened after that but I won't. we were both immature and did shit to each other and I hope she's okay wherever she is even if she doesnt hope the same for me.
3/?
â„–18058816[Quote]
The year is now 2024, and guess what? I didn't do well in my classes because of my laziness so I got a scholarship warning. If my gpa wasnt a 3.0 or higher by the next semester, then I lose my full ride. So I was a bit rattled but decided to press on, and guess what? I didn't make it. I realized that this meant I would have to drop out, but I didnt want to so I paid for two summer classes and a dorm and only passed one class and only stayed in the dorm for like a few weeks at most. I definitely should have taken the hint by then, but I didn't, and took out loans so I could attend another semester. Of course I was out of the honors program by this point so I had to live in a shittier dorm away from a lot of my classes but I didn't care. I didn't want to drop out, I didn't want the ride to end, so I kept it going for as long as I possibly could. In late July I made a discord server for all the incoming freshmen, but everyone could join. This server was the thing that united a a small group of us as friends both on discord and on campus. However, I was still just as autistic as always and through means I won't disclose, discovered soy culture and soyjaks (but not the sharty itself, that isnt until later that semester) and began making them my entire personality irl even though I was still a nusoi who thought gapejak was cobson. My friends thought it was weird and unfunny but I didn't care and kept posting 'jaks in the server because I was the owner and could do whatever I wanted to. Then me (mostly me, I regret it and want to apologize to the guy but I idk how) and my friends did something that we shouldnt have in September that drove like half the server out and brought us closer. After that event, those people were just about the only friends I had. Eventually, as time went on, I began failing my classes again and the university straight up stopped letting me register for more classes because I hadn't passed enough of them so I couldn't even take out loans to prolong the ride anymore, I had to stop after this current semester. When I had to finally confront my future as a college dropout, I didn't like it at all. I started acting crazier than usual. I managed to drive all of my friends away from me and then I was left with nobody. In shame I transferred ownership of the server to someone who I thought was a close friend (maybe the only one I still had left) and went away, but then in january 2025 I came back against their wishes because idk why. I ended up getting banned because they hated me (and rightfully so, I was acting insane) and then I had lots of bad thoughts about hurting myself and I dm'd the new server owner on instagram and that turned into a whole thing. I deleted my discord account shortly after that and made a new one a while later, a completely new identity.
4/?
â„–18058821[Quote]
It's now 2025, I managed to find a place to live that isnt my parents house which is cool but now im a neet. guess what? I still am one. I've never had a job in my life. It is now 2026 because 2025 was a nothingburger year. I can now mask my autism fairly well but thats the only thing I really achieved. A while back in august I tried weed edibles for the first time but they didnt do shit. I thought that meant I was immune to weed but I kept doing it and now I smoke weed, drink, and I even did mushrooms one time. im glad my state has medical cards for weed because I wouldnt be able to smoke without one. anyways, I now have a bit of a problem because now I need to be impaired in some way by some substance to continue existing without regret. I think I'm a failure and a fuckup, which brings me back to the question I asked at the beginning of my post. I dont think I can ever live a normal life, but I do want to be happy. I've always wanted to be famous, but having everything taken care of because I can't do it myself doesn't sound too bad either. No matter what I choose, im going to make an irreversible decision soon that will put me on one of these two paths soon, so pick one for me. Please.
5/5, okay autobiography over.
â„–18058833[Quote]
im not reading this essay on the 14 heckin reasons why youre a retard
â„–18058834[Quote]
I liked it up until the whole BNWO raceplay part why would you include that
â„–18058835[Quote]
new pasta
â„–18058838[Quote]
>>18058833but you really should
â„–18058843[Quote]
>>18058834I didn't. That stuff is weird.
â„–18058848[Quote]
>>18058838go to kiwifarms and sperg out there
â„–18058859[Quote]
>>18058848but kiwifarms has an anti sperging rule.
â„–18058865[Quote]
>posts a minute apart
nice copypasta op
â„–18058881[Quote]
>>18058865It's not a copypasta. It is my life.
â„–18058895[Quote]
picture snopes or trans
â„–18058902[Quote]
>>18058895im not doxing myself im just asking you guys to answer my question
â„–18058903[Quote]
>wordswordswords
Are you khhv or not? If not then kill yourself
â„–18058913[Quote]
what could I even post to prove myself anyway? just search what I typed on google or something, it wont show up there because this is original text that I made that describes my life.
â„–18058930[Quote]
>>18058927come on please just at least answer my question
â„–18058936[Quote]
>>18058916Kissless hugless handholdless virgin
â„–18058948[Quote]
>>18058936im not any of those things. I have had a girlfriend.
â„–18058972[Quote]
>>18058948You will never know what a shitty life actually is
â„–18058978[Quote]
bazuuungazuuuuuuung
â„–18058983[Quote]
>>18058972everyone handles things differently.
â„–18059008[Quote]
>>18058978please answer my question
â„–18059123[Quote]
>>18058776 (OP)>>18058788>>18058806>>18058816>>18058821Wish you the best but this seems to be the path my life is going too,so now I will be the SLF and ask, what would you have changed in the past for better outcomes?
â„–18059166[Quote]
Don't abandon me OP
â„–18059174[Quote]
>traumadumping on /soy/
â„–18059184[Quote]
>>18059174I genuinely don't care, this is the most comprehensive and insightful trauma dump I have ever seen. I am genuinely considering my life choices after reading this
â„–18059185[Quote]
>>18059123I would have found a way to fix my laziness, autism, and ugly face.
â„–18059203[Quote]
>>18059185Most important one to fix is the laziness though. I still had friends and pussy with autism and ugliness.
â„–18059211[Quote]
>>18059185How did you get a girlfriend if you are ugly
â„–18059217[Quote]
AI made this all up btw
â„–18059219[Quote]
OP what state are you in
â„–18059223[Quote]
>>18059211Idk man maybe she had an autism fetish or something, she used to work as a camp counselor at a sped camp. I found out bc I looked up the the name of the camp on one of her shirts one day.
â„–18059242[Quote]
>>18059185>>18059203I really appreciate this. One more thing. Do you think it is worthwhile to pursue a conventional life given autism? Would you live your life all over again making the same exact choices had your laziness been fixed?
â„–18059282[Quote]
>>18059242Definitely. If not for my laziness then I think I would have trudged along the college path and things would have gotten better. I would have gotten more friends and another girlfriend.
â„–18059321[Quote]
>>18059282Aight thank you. I mean it
â„–18059324[Quote]
>>18059282Adding to the another girlfriend part, im an ugly chud but I still have ladies interested in me. The roadblock in the way of getting another girlfriend isn't how ugly I am (even though I dont like that about myself) but how unready for a relationship I am.
â„–18059349[Quote]
>>18059321I wish only the best for you. Spread your wings and fly.
â„–18059451[Quote]
>>18059349I must thank you again. I too wish nothing but the best for you, no matter how bleak it may seem